


The Forgotten Avenger

by idefyu



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky is super chill, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Childbirth, Clint Barton is a Mess, Confusing, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Messy, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multiple Pairings, Non-Chronological, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Time Skip, Protective Clint Barton, Stillbirth, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is STUPID, Thor is a puppy, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threesome - F/M/M, Time Travel, Unhealthy Relationships, loki is a bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 57,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idefyu/pseuds/idefyu
Summary: Silver Aveyard is the Avenger no one one remembers.This is the story of her rise and fall.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Loki, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Thor (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 14





	1. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silver arrives at the Avengers Compound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this on and off for about five years now, it's been a sort of therapy that has gotten me through rough times. I never intended to publish, it was meant to be just for me. Now that I am coming to the end of writing this, I thought I might as well share and see what folks thought of it. This is my first fic here so I may not have tagged everything and there are sure to be many errors, but please bear with me. Constructive criticism is always welcome and would greatly help my work. Thanks!

“Just remember what you are doing this for, you hear me Silver? And remember that we all love you.” Tony’s voice rang in her head.  
“Take care kid, love you.” Tony said gruffly, his words filled with emotion.  
Silver held onto these words as she writhed in pain, she held onto the knowledge that everything she was enduring, was for them.

**************************

Silver was so close she could taste it. She climbed through the access tunnel, the concrete scraping at her knees beneath her frayed pants. When she got to the ladder, her feet slipped on the slick rungs as she tried to keep balanced. No alarms had begun blaring yet, so she assumed that they had kept at least the basic rundown of things security wise. Some things looked different here and there but Silver decided not to worry herself about them just yet. She needed to see them, she needed to get to her friends.  
When she reached the floor just beneath the munitions, the alarms began sounding. Within seconds she was surrounded by several familiar faces and several unfamiliar. Natasha was the first to speak, but Silver couldn’t tear her eyes away from Clint who stood behind Natasha, bow at the ready, trained on her heart.  
“You are trespassing, get down on your knees and place your hands on the floor in front of you.” She demanded and Silver felt fear rush into her throat.  
Natasha clearly didn’t know her. From behind Natasha, Bruce came racing down the corridor with Steve. Silver wanted to cry, so great was her relief at seeing them again. Her heart screamed for Steve, all the pain, all the awfulness had been to return to him, to them.  
“Guys I have been through some shit to get back to you. Steve! It’s me Steve!” She said in a quick babble of words, her voice cracking and they looked at her in confusion. Steve and Natasha exchanged worried glances, Clint looked on with disgust.  
They didn’t know her. She could see it in their eyes. Clint, her closest friend in the world was looking at her like she was something to be squashed beneath his boot, as far away from her as he could get in the narrow corridor. She had to admit that even if they did remember her, it would be hard for them to recognize her in her current state. In her traveling, she had become unrecognizable. Her frame was skin and bones, where soft curves had once padded her contours and rounded her face. She’d been called fat on more than one occasion but no one would say that of her now as she stood gaunt and battered. She looked wildly side to side and caught her own reflection in the glass of one wall and she shook her head trying not to cry at what she saw. She knew what she must look like, but she had yet to see herself. It had been a long time since she had seen her own reflection.  
Her black waves that had grown long in her traveling, had been burned off when she escaped from the place where Doctor Forbes had held her all that time. Her skin had healed and had surprisingly not been scarred like the rest of her, but her hair had yet to begin growing back. Her clothing, the old uniform that Amir had given her had been burned off in the explosion and she had only what she could find in the rubble. She was filthy, covered in soot and blood, and gods knew what else, it was little wonder Clint looked at her as though repulsed. But it wasn’t simply her looks, they truly did not know her, and that brought a stab of fear to Silver’s heart.  
Then she remembered her fail safe. Clint was her ace in the hole in the event that all went to shit as it seemed things were going. She just had to get him to see, to look at her and find it in his head. Her touch would bring forth all the things she had asked Wanda to hide in the recesses of his mind faster, but she couldn’t move a foot closer to him let alone across the room to touch him.  
“Clint please, look at me!” She pleaded as she struggled in the unknown man’s grip. Her sore bare feet slid on the cool quartz floor and it would have been a relief any other time, but just now she cursed the pristine floor as she struggled to keep upright. She could of course slip free should she choose to break the bones of the man that held her, but she had no wish to hurt anyone. It would do nothing for her cause if she went around breaking bones and claiming to be their friend.  
Clint turned his head to the side confused. He was likely trying to puzzle out why she was singling him out of the eight people present.  
“You all know me, well not you.” She added to the man holding her. He tightened his grip but his facial expression did not change.  
“How else would I have been able to get in here? No one can get in here! Gods! I have been through hell and back to get here and not a one of you knows who I am.” She said starting to feel hysterical. The man holding her would have to forgive her.  
She let her body heat and sent out the fracturing waves in the man’s arms, and he screamed releasing her to the ground and she wasted no time in the groups shock to drop to her hands and knees and push her way towards Clint. Natasha kicked her in the stomach but she had taken worse, much much worse. She scrambled past her and reached up and grasped Clint’s forearm in her hands and felt the familiar warmth of him, the comfort she always felt on contact with him wash over her and she let her guard down as she pushed her strength against him, searching for that little thread in his mind she had left for him, the thread that would bring them all back. He fought her, mentally pushing her away and she wondered when he had learned to do that. She pushed again but there was no thread, it was gone. She felt and felt and found where it had been torn, torn and gone.  
She sobbed and her fingers brushed his face and he swatted her hands away.  
“Don’t fucking touch me!” He said yanking his arms from her hands in disgust and she sank back down to the floor falling away from him.  
“What happened to you Clint? Oh god, who hurt you?” She asked softly and he somehow heard her through all the commotion of the group scrambling to secure her. His eyes widened in confusion and she shook her head, knowing he shouldn’t have been able to hear her. Then she saw it, the earpiece secured behind his ear, the tiny lights flashing almost imperceptibly. She knew then. He had suffered some kind of head injury, that left him deaf in that left ear, a head injury that tore the tiny thread that had been her only hope of them all remembering her.  
She buried her head in her hands and without her consent, a keening sound like an injured animal came erupting from her. She loved Clint above all and she failed him. She felt the ground shake beneath her and was vaguely aware that it was her doing but she couldn’t make herself stop. It hurt too much. She had suffered pains and horrors beyond imagine but this pain was worse than any of that. Everything she had done, all that she had suffered had been to get back to them, to keep them safe and it was all for nothing.  
When walls began to crumble around her and the panicked cries around her grew, she looked up and met Clint’s eyes.  
His face was an unreadable mask as he strode forward. He knelt to the ground and for a moment, a fleeting insane moment, she thought she had her Clint back and that he was going to comfort her like he had so many times over the years.  
Instead, he reached down and scooped up a chunk of the hard granite that had crumbled from the wall and brought it down across her temple, cracking her skull. She could feel the blood sloshing out in great spurts and streaming down her face then a second blow hit her and she felt nothing as she went into the darkness she knew well.  
“Oh my god Clint! You killed her!” Banner said kneeling before Silver. Her brain was visible through chunks of shattered skull bone, but the blood had slowed its flow from her head. Even as they all angrily bickered, her skull began to mend itself. Her heart had slowed in anticipation of healing, as to not lose too much blood and her body had shut down to conserve energy but her mind was ever awake, listening and recording.

“She was going to bring the whole fucking fortress down on us! You may have survived, but I certainly can’t jump back after a thousand pounds of granite crushes the life out of me.” Clint said defensively.  
“Still! Look at what you did to her! Her goddamned brain is hanging out…” Banner said trailing off as he looked down at her and noted that her brain was no longer exposed and the blood flow had slowed to a trickle.  
“What the…” Clint said as they all looked down at the half healed injury that should have killed her instantly. He let the hunk of granite fall from his hand to the floor with a low thud as it landed among its brothers in the rubble, stained with blood. A moment more and her flesh was slowly sealing itself back together.  
“Get her to the room.” Banner said immediately, his voice low and no one argued this time.  
Steve was the one who came forward and lifted her gently into his arms, cradling her like a child.  
“Someone wrap something around her head, I know she’s healing but still…” He trailed off as Natasha came to walk in-stride beside him and began wrapping her sweater around Silver’s head.  
“Where in the world did this one come from?” Natasha said in a low voice, so that only Steve could hear.  
“Wish I knew. This is really a strange situation. I mean she didn’t seem to mean us any harm, but she could have brought down the entire fortress if Clint hadn’t hit her, as brutal as that was.” Steve said.  
“He didn’t mean to do so much damage, I know him.” Natasha said defensively.  
“Yeah? Then why did he hit her a second time? Blood coming out of her head wasn’t enough? He had to make sure he could see what was inside?” Steve said angrily. He had no connection to this girl in his arms, but he couldn’t abide by someone hurting someone so violently.  
Natasha said nothing more in Clint’s defense as she led the way to the Smash room.  
Clint stood alone in the ruined corridor, looking down at the hunk of granite that he had hit the girl with. He felt puzzled. Why had he been so violent with her when he knew a hundred other ways to subdue an opponent? His hand shook and he rubbed at the few spots of blood that had spattered him. The fiery hatred had consumed him only moments ago had dissipated and he felt sick suddenly at his behavior. Something deep in the recess of his mind throbbed, making his head ache, making him want to vomit, telling him he was missing something.


	2. Smash Room

The Smash Room was the most secure room in the entire fortress, built to withstand any force or injury from both the outside and inside. It was, once sealed impenetrable. Built deep within the fortress, surrounded by foundations of its own, every fail-safe had been seen to when building it. Two sides were see-through, but all of the room’s walls and supports were made of a rare element that could be tempered into a molten liquid metal, but once it was cooled and formed, it became clear and smooth like glass but unbreakable under any condition.  
The room had been furnished like a hotel room, to provide comfort to anyone they needed to keep here, but the room was made with one person in mind, the man who designed it and helped build it, Bruce.  
Steve let Natasha punch in the codes that would open the airlock doors and he let the icy cool air of the room wash over him as he carried the girl to the bed.  
The room was kept at thirty degrees at all times, a temperature that would make anyone held here sluggish and somewhat less threatening after a stretch.  
“It’s awfully cold in here, think she’ll be okay?” Steve said as he stepped away from the bed and looked down at the girl. Her feet were bare and crusted with dirt and dried blood, but like the rest of her, they were otherwise unscathed.  
“She’s a strong one lover, she’ll be okay.” Natasha said leaning down and feeling the pulse on the girl’s wrist, she frowned and felt again.  
“Maybe you could uh, get her cleaned up? Her clothes are practically rags about to fall off her body and we should do a thorough exam while we can.” Bruce said and Natasha turned to him, arms crossed.  
“Oh and you think I should do it cause I’m a woman? We aren’t all nurturers you know.” Natasha said twisting her mouth.  
“No, I think you and Pepper should be the ones so that we can preserve as much of her modesty as we can. She’s still a human being for Christ sake.” Bruce said biting back.  
“As far as we know.” Mumbled Tony from the doorway, then added. “I don’t want Pepper alone in here with her, what if she wakes up and goes all doomsday again?” He said shaking his head.  
“It looks like she is in a sort of coma right now. Her vitals seem steady, if a little lowered. I think the cold in here will help keep her asleep as well. She’s harmless for the time being.” Natasha said grudgingly.  
“And you don’t say what I can and can’t do Tony. I’ll be back with some supplies. She’s bigger than me, so we might have to borrow something of yours for her Nat.” Pepper said and Natasha nodded as Pepper turned and disappeared down the hall and followed.  
“Let’s get her synced with the monitors. Steve, can you hand me that sensor pen?” Bruce said and Steve looked around blankly.  
“Oh jeeze, this guy is going to be of no help. Move.” Tony said uncrossing his arms and striding into the room to help Bruce get the girl all set up, scooping up the sensor pen that lay to Steve’s right.  
“I think we should do a full body scan as well.” Bruce said taking the pen from Tony. He pushed the girl’s frayed pant legs up to her knees and gently punctured her three times in each leg with the pen, injecting her with the nano-sensors that would read her vitals and sync her body to their computers. The skin on her legs was covered in thin and thick lines paler than her normal skin tone, scars.  
“Man…” Bruce said when he lifted the hem of her shirt to expose her belly. The flesh was crisscrossed with scars here, so many that Bruce didn’t know what to make of it. He shook his head and pierced her sides with the pen and covered her back up.  
“What the hell happened to her?” Tony asked aghast. Steve stood back looking solemn as Natasha returned with a stack of clothes followed by Pepper with her arms laden with bags. Sharp beeping rang out, letting them know that the system had begun to sync with the sensors. Bruce pierced the girl’s arms three times each and once at the back of her neck and stepped away.  
Tony pulled out his tablet and tapped it a few times until it lit up one of the glass walls with scans of the girl’s body. Both he and Bruce stepped closer to the wall as Pepper and Natasha sat their items on the table to begin their work.  
“What in the world? Do you see that?” Bruce asked in awe.  
“If you mean that strange star shaped second heart, then yeah I see it.” Tony said eyes wide as he looked up at the scan. Inside the girls chest, side by side sat two hearts, of equal size. One looked just like a normal heart should and sat where a normal heart should. But the second one, was just like Tony said, star shaped and beating in exact time with the other.  
“This girl is unbelievable.” Bruce said shaking his head. The two men stared entranced at the scans pointing here and there every so often as Pepper and Natasha got to work cleaning the girl up.  
Natasha decided that the clothing she wore was in ruins anyway, so she sliced them off gently with scissors and the worn fabric parted easily. Pepper discarded the rags in the trash and brought over a bucket filled with soapy water.  
Each woman took a washcloth from the water and began to wipe away the blood and dirt that coated the battered body and Pepper gasped at all the scars, wondering how they had come to be.  
“Look at this one! It must have gone straight through her heart uh hearts.” Pepper said running her fingers along a diamond shaped scar that fell just between the girl’s breasts, about the size of an open hand. Natasha shook her head, but said nothing.  
Steve stood with Tony and Bruce, not really understanding the intricacies of what he was seeing, but unable to look anywhere else as behind him lay a naked girl.  
“Let’s get her turned over.” Natasha was saying and moments later Pepper let out a cry and Steve turned.  
“My god look at her back.” Pepper said softly as Natasha held the girl propped on her side.  
Steve couldn’t understand what could have happened to the girl. The flesh on her back looked like it had been peeled off and then sewn back on it tiny bits. It was horrifying to imagine what had been the cause of such a messy scar set. Steve turned back to the screen, face red. He had seen more of the nude girl than intended and he felt awful for not preserving the girl’s modesty.  
“Oh come on Steve! It’s not like we are gawking at her body. This is all professional.” Tony said stepping closer to get a look at the girl’s back, but Steve kept his face to the screen as the other two men looked at the strange layering of scars on the girl’s back.  
“So she really seemed to believe that she knew us.” Bruce said after they had a look at the scars.  
“Crazy people believe a lot of things.” Tony said with a shrug.  
“She got in here pretty easily for a crazy person.” Natasha said.  
“Well she’s obviously a special kind of crazy person.” Tony retorted.  
“Crazy people usually don’t have knowledge of the things she does.” Pepper said.  
“Can we stop with the crazy bit? It’s not funny.” Steve said over his shoulder, still refusing to look at the girl.  
“You know for a soldier, you’re awfully modest. If this was war, you’d have to help strip her down and all.” Tony commented.  
“Well, that is worst case scenario. As long as I don’t have to look at her, I won’t. It’s not about me. It’s about her. She deserves a little respect, and to me that is not having unwanted eyes on her body.” Steve said crossing his arms.  
“Lift her head for me please Bruce.” Natasha was saying.  
“There! You can turn around now lover boy, she is decent.” Natasha called and Steve turned. The girl was dressed in one of Natasha’s old black shirts, the material usually loose and billowy on Natasha, was tight across the girl’s chest. A pair of dark grey leggings covered her legs and Pepper was pulling a pair of thick cream colored socks over her bare feet. After a second look, Steve noted that the girl’s hair had begun to grow back. Tiny little spikes of black hair was visible where her scalp had been bare before. The pink scar from her earlier blow was still starkly visible but healed. Steve shook his head, the girl looked normal, maybe even pretty once she got some care.  
“She looks like she’s twelve.” Bruce noted with the shake of his head.  
“Not twelve, but who knows? The system is trying to place her age and keeps jumping around from nineteen to twenty five to twenty eight. Weird.” Tony said tapping his tablet again irritably.  
“She’s given birth, look.” Bruce said softly, pointing to the scan of her body that showed that her body had indeed held a child and birthed it. No one commented on that, but Pepper’s lips tightened.  
“Poor thing has been through the mill it looks like.” Pepper said.  
“That poor thing almost brought this entire fortress to its knees.” Tony reminded her.  
“You could tell she didn’t mean to though.” Pepper said softly.  
“Oh well as long as she didn’t mean to.” Tony said sarcastically.  
“Shut up Tony.” Pepper told him.  
“I’m going to take some blood for testing and then I think we should leave her to rest. We’ve got the sensors going, and they will keep her monitored and alert us of any changes.” Bruce said.  
“You’re not going to hook her up to some IV’s or anything? She looks like she could use some juice.” Tony asked, head tilted at the emaciated girl.  
“I don’t know what the reaction would be, I don’t dare take the risk of hurting her further or worse causing another outburst like earlier.” Bruce said.  
"A little fluids won't hurt though." Bruce added.  
“I think someone should be guarding her at all times. Just to be safe.” Steve said as everyone made to clear out.  
“Fine, we will set up a rotation shift. The viewing room can be closed of separately from the room so whoever is on duty can stay in there.” Tony said.  
“I guess I’ll take first shift, since I have some analyzing I wanted to do anyway, once I get her blood results.” Bruce said.  
“Okay, we will send your relief in say…Four hours?” Steve said and Bruce nodded.  
“You need anything before we go?” Pepper asked.  
“I think I’ll be fine for now.” Bruce said wearily and they nodded.  
“We’ll go brief everyone else, call in everyone who is off base at the moment. I think this is an all hands on deck sort of thing.” Steve said and headed down the hall, walking briskly.  
Steve couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been here before, in this moment or one just like it. The girl was unfamiliar but he felt a gnawing need to protect her despite the danger she seemed to pose. Could she be a weapon of some kind, sent here to dismantle them? His gut told him no, but he would make sure that she wasn’t a danger to them before they made any decisions on the matter. So familiar, yet not familiar at all. How could a person make him feel so contradictory? He hated this, the unknown.  
“You okay there big guy?” Natasha asked catching up and walking in time with him, he kept his face purposefully blank when he turned to her.  
“Just something about this whole thing that makes me sick.” Steve said with the shake of his head.  
“Hey, we didn’t do this to her. I see it on your face. You feel responsible for her, but despite what she says, we don’t know her. Right?” Natasha said with a lifted eyebrow.  
“Of course I don’t know her, but she is in obvious need and clearly dangerous. It’s our job to help her and make sure she isn’t a threat. Not smash her head open, put her in a coma and gape at her scars.” Steve said bitterly, leaving Natasha behind in the corridor as he broke off to the stairwell to the upper level.  
Natasha headed towards the elevators to make the call to all their off-base team members.


	3. Wake Up

Silver blinked awake suddenly feeling like she had only just closed her eyes after being hit by Clint. Her sleep, however long had been thankfully dreamless and she felt like she could go right back to sleep without a care. At least in sleep she didn’t have to feel anything, the agony of being unremembered primary.   
She slowly lifted herself up to a sitting position and noted that she was exactly where she knew they would bring her after her little power slip.   
She looked around the nicely furnished room and shivered. It was cold and she wondered if they knew that the cold worked on her as well as Banner. No wonder she felt sleepy still, the refrigeration of the room made her docile and tired, practically lulling her back to sleep. She felt severally fatigued, and knew she wouldn’t be able to keep awake for very long in this state.  
Turning to stare at the mirrored wall, she caught her own refection and this time it wasn’t as frightening as it had been. Her hair had begun to grow back and she reached up and felt the tufts of black hair several inches long. Once she was healthy again, it would grow much quicker.   
She was still weak, her body gaunt and hollow looking. When she looked down and saw no wires or tubes hooked up to her body, she frowned. She must have really frightened them if they were afraid to administer anything but IV of fluids.   
She knew her body must be depleted by now and was likely starting to take from her organs and even bones to survive.   
Looking up at the mirrored glass wall she tilted her head in realization that someone was behind the glass watching her.   
She made no sudden movements, hoping to appear harmless. She was really, her outburst had been an accident, if Clint had only remembered her…But no. She couldn’t let herself think of that, think of him. It would hurt too much.   
She slumped back into the pillows and idly wondered who they would send in to speak with her first. The smart choice would be Banner, the most amiable of the group and empathetic. In hopes of making her feel safe though, they would likely send one of the women, they were men for the majority after all.  
She suppressed a smile when the airlock doors swooshed open and Natasha slipped in as the doors slammed back shut behind her, ruffling her bob of curls.   
They sent the one women who was least likely to find a way to comfort another women. Natasha wasn’t built the way of most women, she was strong, brave and mostly unsympathetic, but she was a master of deception and could be anyone she needed to be for a mission, but it was hard to fake warmth.   
Silver shook her head wondering how the woman would approach this particular mission.  
“Hello Natasha. How long have I been asleep?” Silver asked her throat feeling dry and burning, her voice coming out as a croak.   
Natasha paused at the entrance way and snatched a bottle of water off the counter.   
She calmly made her way closer to Silver and pulled a chair closer to the bed but didn’t sit.  
“Water?” Natasha asked in her buttery voice that came right from her throat as she held the bottle to Silver.   
She nodded and gratefully took it. She hated the tension Natasha brought with her, like Silver was the enemy and needed dealing with.   
She had been Natasha’s maid of honor for crying out loud.   
Silver drank down the bottle completely, slightly abating the burning in her throat.   
Natasha retrieved another bottle and handed it to Silver wordlessly and she drank slower this time and took a deep breath.   
Natasha looked down at Silver with her head tilted curiously.  
“Thank you. Sit, please.” Silver said softly and Natasha took a seat.  
“You’ve been asleep for a while now. We weren’t sure if you’d wake up. Your brain wasn’t showing much activity.” Natasha said finally.  
“It does that. A while?” Silver repeated. What was a while?  
“Two weeks.” Natasha said and Silver nodded slowly. She wasn’t surprised, her body had been deprived of sleep and so many other things for so long, that she knew she could have slept for another year still.  
“Will you answer a few questions for me? I’m sure you know we have many.” Natasha said pleasantly and Silver nodded.  
“How were you able to get into the fortress?” Natasha asked first and Silver frowned but cleared her throat.  
“I helped build this place, I know all the In’s and Out’s.” Silver answered plainly.  
“Which ‘In’ specifically?” Natasha pressed and Silver saw no need to not answer directly and truthfully.  
“The front in-flow of water leads toward a set of tunnels. They are identical, but one has a maintenance access that only the team members know about. It leads down a very long shaft, where halfway down, there is a hidden hatch that opens when you press the lower right corner. Inside that hatch I followed the narrow way that brings me just beneath the munitions floor, the electrical passage that you found me in.” Silver explained dryly, she wanted to go back to sleep now, just talking was taxing on her body.   
Natasha nodded slowly as if unwilling to believe it was as simple as that.   
There had been dozens of other ways for Silver to get inside, but that one would have brought her to her destination that quickest.   
Munitions was where most of the team would be or at least one of them. She had been right, but the outcome had not been what she expected.   
She winced as she remembered the pain of Clint cracking her skull.  
“Why did you want access to the munitions?” Natasha asked now and Silver sighed impatiently.  
“You know, you are not very good at this friendly interrogation thing. You haven’t even asked me my name, a sure way to begin to establish trust. You handed me some water, yeah great, you showed a bit of consideration, but it’s more like you feeding the stray dog so it stays calm while you get your shotgun ready.” Silver said irritably and Natasha’s face remained unreadable and passive.  
“What is your name?” She purred calmly and Silver laughed and felt the room grow colder, the temperature was being lowered.  
“I’m going back to sleep, you guys are playing my lullaby it seems.” Silver said tugging her blanket to her shoulders and laying back down.   
Natasha squinted seeming to realize her mistake and rose to her feet to leave.   
Silver was struggling to keep her eyes open.   
When the doors slid open, Silver saw Steve on the other side waiting.  
Just before the doors slid shut, she saw Natasha embrace him like a lover and Silver felt her heart break for the hundredth time in her life as she let herself slip back into sleep.  
When she woke again she felt less disoriented.   
This time when the airlock doors slid open Natasha was not alone, by her side was Bruce.   
They did learn fast, Silver thought dazedly.  
“Bruce and Natasha. Oh this is hilarious.” Silver said as she sat up and shook the sleep from her body.   
“Hello there. You know our names, but we don’t know yours.” Bruce said gently.  
“See? That’s how it’s done.” Silver said to Natasha who was clearly fighting not to say something harsh in return.  
“I’m Silver, it’s great to see you again Bruce, but if we are going to talk, she is going to leave.” Silver said calmly.   
She couldn’t look at the girl who had taken her place.   
She couldn’t look at the woman who had been a wife to Bruce and a mother to those beautiful children, knowing she was Steve’s now. It hurt too much.  
“That’s fine, she’ll go.” Bruce said and gave Natasha a look and she turned and left.  
“You two used to be really close, this is weird.” Silver said shaking her head.  
“Really? Well we get on okay now.” Bruce said easily.  
“As much as anyone can get along with her huh?” Silver said jokingly.  
“Why don’t you like her? Did the two of you not get along or something?” Bruce asked.  
“No we got on fine, we were good friends actually.” Silver said dryly.  
“So what has changed?” Bruce asked.  
“Besides the obvious I mean.” He added helpfully and Silver gave him a grateful smile.  
“I don’t know. I guess I am jealous.” Silver said with a shrug.  
“Jealous of what?”   
“She has something that used to be mine.” Silver said simply and Bruce gave a small sad smile and she thought maybe he understood what she meant.  
“How long have I been asleep this time?” Silver asked and Bruce motioned to the chair beside the bed.  
“Oh please, sit.” She said and he sunk into the chair, features relaxed.  
“You’ve been asleep for one week this time. Do you know why you go into such prolonged stages of rest?” Bruce asked and she loved the genuine curiosity in his eyes.  
“It’s my body. In sleep, it can heal on its own without me interfering or coming to further harm. Though it is taking a lot longer than usual. That’s only happened once before.” She said but refused to let herself travel back to that day.   
“Was that when you received the scars on your back?” Bruce asked and Silver brushed away the embarrassment she initially felt at knowing he had seen her naked. He was a doctor after all. What was a few friends compared to the dozens that had seen her while she was a prisoner? Besides, it wasn’t like Bruce hadn’t seen her nude before, he had been the one to examine her after she had given birth.  
“No, that one was over time, each day a piece of skin was cut off to observe my healing process. The day that I got the huge scar on my chest was the worse. The big ones leave scars.” She said, her mind beginning to drift. She thought of that night in the rain, when her carefully assembled life had been torn to pieces.  
“So I am assuming that everyone saw me naked then?” Silver joked efficiently clearing her mind of the dark memory and looked dawn at herself for the first time. She wore clean leggings and an old shirt, not the rags she came here in.  
“Only the people who dressed and examined you. We did our best to preserve your modesty though, I promise.” Bruce said and she laughed.  
“I think I am past modesty now, where I was before…They did their best to dehumanize me and that included depriving me of clothing.” Silver said offhandedly and Bruce looked sympathetic.  
“Where were you before if you don’t mind me asking?” Bruce asked softly, sensing a sore spot.  
“I’m not really sure, all I know is that it doesn’t exist anymore.” Silver said bitterly and just thinking of that place darkened her mood again. She hoped all the people there who had hurt her were burning in hell. Bruce nodded, clearly unsure of what to say to that.  
“So when we did a scan of you, we found some of your unique bits. Your hearts for example.” Bruce said by way of moving on and changing that subject.  
“Born that way. I know you probably think it was an experiment of some kind but everything I am, I was born with. The second heart is responsible for my advanced healing ability. Also, it keeps my regular heart from exploding when I make jumps.” Silver said and she knew she was telling him a lot, but it simply felt good to be speaking with a friend again, even if he didn’t remember she was a friend.  
“What do you mean by jumps?” Bruce asked sitting forward in his chair interested.  
“Jumps are the reason none of you remember me. I jumped back to the near past to try and fix some things and save some people, you know, all the things they tell you not to ever do in the time-traveling movies. Well I did it anyway and messed up big time.” Silver said and could see the questions in Bruce’s eyes as he took in what she was telling him.  
“This is an ability of yours? The jumping as you called it?” Bruce asked and Silver nodded.  
“That explains why the computers couldn’t place your age.” Bruce said and the fact that he wasn’t doubting her, made her smile.  
“Yeah, that’s a weird one. See, nothing is really free, not even special abilities. I can do these jumps, but it’s limited. Ever jump in time I make takes its toll on my body and life as a whole. The time isn’t given back to me like people think. I went back four years this last time initially and it took eight years off my life expectancy. So say best case I am meant to live to be one-hundred years old, and I have jumped a total of nine years altogether, that takes eighteen years off the top. That’s not even including the time I lose in healing quickly. It’s a good deterrent for trying to go back and see the sixties or something.” Silver explained.  
“But why double the amount? And how does the healing affect your lifespan?” Bruce asked eagerly.  
“Because I usually can’t jump forward, only back. So when I jump back any amount of time, I have to live that time again. Healing quickly is not in my control, but it still costs. The time it should have taken to heal is docked off plus more if the healing saved my life. I’m guessing my little welcome home cracked skull cost me extra because I am so weak right now. It’s not much time, but I am sure it is going to add up one day.” Silver said with a dry laugh. Thinking of all the lost time before would make her panic, now she wasn’t fazed by it, she could die tomorrow and that time would never have a chance to catch up with her. Bruce seemed to be trying to process all the information while still remaining a calming figure here.  
“So how old are you then? Actually, not with all the time docked off or counting your jumps.” Bruce asked with a smile.  
“I’m twenty-four. In this year.” Silver said and couldn’t believe the words herself, she felt a million years old.   
“You’re just a kid.” Bruce mused and Silver shrugged.   
She had been twenty-eight when she left all that she loved behind, if she was a kid, it was one who had been through hell and back, and lived through things no one should live through. She didn’t say anything to that, fatigue had grasped her again and she let her eyelids flutter closed for a second.  
“Silver, I am going to let you get some more rest okay? But would it be okay for me to come back and talk to you some more when you wake up?” Bruce asked pleasantly.  
“Sure Bruce. Anything for you.” She mumbled and sunk down into the plushness of the bed and slept easily.


	4. Lab Time

Voices and beeping around her woke her this time. Flanked on each side of the bed by Bruce and Natasha, Silver startled awake. Their hands that had been checking for vitals, were snatched away   
“Whoa! What’s going on?” Silver said sitting up quickly, making herself dizzy. Natasha stepped away from her, but Bruce leaned closer, surprise on his face.  
“Hey Silver. We were just checking to make you were still alive! You stopped breathing for a while there. Nearly three minutes.” Bruce said sounding relieved that she had woken.  
“Oh man, weird.” Silver said and took a deep breath to assure herself that she could.  
“I’m going to just give you the once over okay? You gave us quite the scare.” Bruce said and Silver nodded her ascent and he placed his hands on the pulse points on her wrists. He took out a small pen light and shinned it in her eyes and stepped back startled.  
“What in the world?” He asked and pressed closer again, eyes wide and curious and Natasha came close to share in what he was seeing.   
Her grey eyes were swirling brightly with silver and Bruce suddenly understood her name.  
“Oh that. Some people notice the silver, some people don’t. I don’t know if they are significant, but it’s where I got my name as you may have guessed.” Silver said.   
“It’s beautiful.” Natasha said without thinking and Silver offered a small smile.   
“Silver your body is pretty badly deteriorated, I am very surprised that you can even function on this level with the amount of damage all your organs have sustained.” Bruce said finally, after he was satisfied that she wasn’t going to stop breathing again.  
“I know.” Was all Silver could say to this. She didn’t have the energy to care if she lived anymore. Maybe if she died here, it would be for the best. Silver felt her legs cramp and she shifted to stretch and ease the ache. Bruce noticed and stood   
“Hey, would you like to walk with me to my lab? I bet a walk would help those cramps. Also, there were a few test I wanted to run now that you are awake.” Bruce said and she smiled lazily and nodded. She would have agreed to let him cut her up if it meant she could stretch her legs and get out of this cold room for a while, and talking to him was so easy, it almost made her think she had things back to the way they were. Silver wasn’t aware of how deprived of human contact she had been until now. This was the longest conversation she had in two years.   
When Bruce signaled for the airlock doors to open, Natasha was waiting on the other side, arms crossed in dismay.   
“You sure about this Banner?” She said, no longer hiding her disapproval of Silver or her dismissal the previous time she had woken.   
“Yeah, it will be fine. Right Silver?” Bruce said and turned to Silver who nodded agreeably and pushed a short lock of hair out of her eyes.  
“I swear I’ll behave, plus I really am too weak to do much right now.” Silver said honestly and Natasha nodded curtly to Bruce and let them pass her as she followed behind. The walk was slow, Silver being too weak to even keep up with Bruce’s leisurely pace. He slowed so she wasn’t lagging and Natasha sighed impatiently.  
“Sorry.” Silver grumbled when her sock covered feet slid on the smooth floors and she almost went down, but both Bruce and Natasha grasped an arm each and pulled her upright.  
“You okay kid?” Bruce said as he steadied her.   
“Yeah, yeah, it’s just socks on a smooth floor you know.” Silver said with a shaky laugh and Bruce nodded but kept a steadying arm around her waist.  
They passed several guards on the way up to the labs who gave them surprised looks but otherwise remained unflinching.   
When Natasha punched in the code to open the lab doors, Silver felt her heart beating heavily in her chest and she was sweating with the exertion it took to simply walk this far. Man, I really am in bad shape. She thought to herself as she let Bruce lead her inside.  
Bruce’s Lab was just as she remembered from all her time here, helping him with projects or experiments. Bruce helped her onto the cushioned surface of an exam table and she let her body collapse back in exhaustion.  
“Freak shows awake?” Tony calls from the opposite side of the lab and the three of them look towards him. Silver hadn’t even noticed him when they walked in, but now she is too drained to care. She can’t ever remember feeling like this outside of the facility she was kept in all that time.  
“Don’t call her that, her name is Silver and she has been very cooperative.” Bruce said and Tony smirks, pulling off the goggles that covered his eyes. Silver darted her eyes to the side, trying to see what he was working on and noticed the metal arm before the man. Bucky Barnes sat quiet and shirtless as Tony held something that looked like a soldering gun against his metal arm.  
“What are you doing in my lab anyway?” Bruce asked impatiently and Tony made great motioning gestures to Bucky who gave Silver a curious look before staring back straight ahead.  
“So? You have a lab of your own. Several labs of your own actually. A whole entire sub-level if you wanna get into details. No need to mess with my stuff.” Bruce said as he began to riffle through drawers for the things he would need. Tony had a large bag of M&M’s open on the counter next to him and he grabbed a handful and stuffed them in his mouth. When he spoke, it was with his mouth full.  
“So touchy Bruce. Sargent Barnes here was in need of some repair, and your Lab is better equipped for people fixing.” Tony said chewing at the same time.  
“How’s it going there James?” Bruce asked as he motioned to Silver if it was okay for him to attach whatever the metal thing he had in his hand to her head. She nodded tiredly and he pulled the device down over the top of her head.  
“A little rusty.” Bucky joked dryly as Bruce clipped a set of sensors to her fingertips and flashing lights lit up the glass screen beside them indicating she was being synced with the computer.  
“We injected nano-sensors while you were unconscious just to have a preliminary scan, but they work much better paired with the external sensors and while the subject is actually awake.” Bruce said and Silver nodded.   
“Can I have some water please?” She asked and as soon as she said it her stomach rumbled painfully reminding her just how malnourished she was.   
“Yeah of course.” Bruce said and Natasha, whom Silver had completely forgotten brought a bottle from the small fridge Bruce kept in the lab.  
“She speaks! Well, coherently at least. Last time you were just talking a bunch of nonsense. You thought you knew us all, you time traveled, blah, blah, blah.” Tony said and Bucky looked over at her again as Silver sat up to drink some water.  
“It wasn’t nonsense. It was the truth, only no remembers it but me.” Silver said defensively.  
“Yeah okay, that makes so much sense cuckoo bird. How silly of us not to believe a crazy person.” Tony said sarcastically.   
“It makes sense if it is actually you know, explained.” Silver said finishing the bottle of water and Bruce handed her another one, watching her cautiously as she took smaller gulps this time. They all knew Tony was egging her on, but contrary to what they thought of her, she didn’t often lose her temper.  
“Well you let me know how that explaining thing goes, won’t you sweetie?” Tony said with a wave of his hand.  
“God, you’re every bit the self-absorbed asshole I remember Stark.” Silver said and took another deep gulp as Bucky burst into laughter and Tony scrunched up his nose in disapproval. Natasha raised an eyebrow at Bucky. Silver guessed he didn’t laugh much by the looks his little outburst had earned him. Before she left, she hadn’t really gotten a chance to know the man before he was killed, but he was one of the main reasons she went back, he was one of the important lives she meant to save in order to save others.  
“What the hell? You never laugh at any of the awesome jokes I tell, but this loon shows up and calls me an asshole and you can’t contain yourself?” Tony says dumbfounded and Bucky laughs again, bowing his head in the process.  
“Whatever she says from now on, I believe. How can she be lying when she summed up everything about you in one sentence Stark?” Bucky said still chuckling as he winked at Silver and smiled.  
“Thanks for the support.” Silver heard Tony mumble as she slumped back onto the exam table, losing control of her body. The sensors blared loudly as her heart constricted painfully in her chest.  
“Silver? Hey can you hear me sweetheart?” Bruce said, face looming over her, concern on his features. Her body shook and but she remained conscious as tremors rocked through her and her teeth chattered together threatening to rip through her tongue.   
Tony stepped back and Natasha moved towards the emergency alarms.   
They thought she was snapping again. She would have laughed if she could manage it.   
The room would be sweltering if she was close to releasing her power.  
Bucky was beside her suddenly and had placed something between her teeth, it felt like rubber from the way it gave way slightly when her jaw clenched. He slipped behind her on the exam table and used one arm to brace her head against his chest as the other wrapped around her own chest tightly.   
His strong legs twisted over hers and the shaking inside her was less painful as he held her braced to him tightly.  
“Barnes what the hell are you doing?” Tony asked. Silver continued to shake but could feel the comforting warmth of Bucky’s bare skin against her and slowly the tremors began subsiding.  
“She’s having a seizure idiot. She’s obviously been tortured, and this is the first prolonged time she has been awake. Her body is in shock. Probably has been since she woke up, she just hides it well.” Bucky said and Silver tried to nod in agreement but control was not yet back in her hands.  
“Obviously been tortured? How is it obvious?” Bruce demanded and Silver wanted to remind him that she had in fact told him about the torture a bit.  
“It’s obvious to someone who has been tortured too.” Bucky hissed and Bruce bit his lip nervously as Tony frowned but said nothing, likely remembering the time he was actually tortured.  
“Should I do something?” Bruce asked Bucky as he continued to hold her tightly. Bucky shook his head softly, hair falling into his eyes.  
“Feels like she starting to come out of it.” Bucky said as Silver opened and closed her fists, she let the piece of rubber that Bucky had stuffed between her teeth fall from her mouth, then made herself take in a deep breath that burned her chest.  
“There you go, just breath.” Bucky told her and she made her body follow the steady rise and fall of Bucky’s chest against her.   
“Sorry. I’m so sorry.” Silver said softly when she could speak again.  
“What caused that?” Natasha asked coming closer, satisfied that the possibility of a threat had passed.   
“My body is deteriorating, basically eating itself.” Silver said simply and she heard Tony mumble ‘gross’.  
“What? Why?” Bruce said and then he frowned, realizing what they had all missed. His face visibly paled and he looked sickened.  
“She hasn’t eaten since she’s been here.” Bruce said finally and Bucky scowled as he gentled his grip on Silver but didn’t release her yet, his fingers on her wrist as he checked her pulse discreetly. His body was tense behind her, taut with anger.  
“Wait, she’s been here almost three weeks! You’re telling me she hasn’t eaten in three weeks?” Bucky said angrily, the icy blue of his eyes all flame.  
“More than that probably. The place I was before, they didn’t bother with food.” Questionable water was the best she could hope for, with the exception of the sugar cubes Siva had secreted to her.   
Silver sighed as the last of the shaking passed and Bucky let her go completely and slid from the exam bed.  
He angrily snatched up his frayed t-shirt from where it lay on a chair and pulled it over his head and approached Tony. Natasha looked pitying at Silver and Bruce looked down guiltily shaking his head.  
“Stark, give me your candy.” Bucky said suddenly and Tony pouted and crossed his arms, about to refuse.  
“Just do it!” Bruce said and Tony grudgingly handed Bucky the bag of M&M’s.  
“Here, eat some of these slowly.” Bucky said pouring a handful of the candies into her cupped palm. She tossed them into her mouth and let them melt there for a moment before chewing. She luxuriated in the warm taste of the chocolate and fought herself not to grab the bag from Bucky and pour its contents down her throat.  
“I can’t believe this. You guys pretending to be the good guys, and you couldn’t even make sure your prisoner was fed? That is a fucking torture in itself!” Bucky said angrily as Silver ate another handful of candies.  
“It’s okay, really.” Silver mumbled through a mouth full of candy.  
“I am so sorry Silver. I really did not think of it. I’m sorry.” Bruce said and Silver waved off his apology.   
She couldn’t care about anything half as important right now, as the delicious chocolate candies she was eating.   
“Let’s take her to the mess. She can eat whatever she wants and even get some fresh air. It will give everyone the chance to see and speak with her too. Abate some of the fear surrounding her.” Natasha said surprising the others with her suggestion.  
“You might need to get me a wheelchair, I don’t think I can walk that far just yet.” Silver said and although she could already feel the sugar from the candy giving her small bits of energy, it wasn’t nutritious and therefore couldn’t replenish her body.  
“I don’t know if there are any wheelchairs on this floor, maybe we can send for one.” Bruce suggested when Bucky moved back towards Silver and scooped her up into his arms like a baby, she yelped but let her arms wrap around him all the same as the cold metal of his bionic arm held her behind her knees and the warm real arm pressed against her back.  
“Um okay.” Silver said softly in surprise, but relaxed into Bucky’s embrace.  
“I got her, let’s go.” Bucky said stern faced and Bruce shrugged and followed.  
“Show off.” Tony said as Bucky marched past him with ease, Silver’s weight clearly not a burden. Bruce stepped quicker to catch up to Bucky and lead the procession as Natasha followed in the rear. Silver let her heavy head rest against Bucky’s chest but continued to look around her curiously as they made their way to the mess hall. She marveled at some of the things that were differently improved, reinforced walls and more efficient electrical.   
She wanted to note the things that could be improved though, the compartmentalization of the work spaces was severely lacking. One work area just seemed to bleed into another and that could theoretically cause a breach or worse should the weakness be exposed.


	5. Meet and Greet

Silver must have dozed off for a moment while she was carried because she was startled when she heard others before them.  
“Hello! Where are all of you heading?” A booming voice asked and Silver felt her throat tighten.  
Thor.  
She had yet to see him since she returned and his voice washed over her in such a familiar way it hurt.  
She lifted her head to turn and look at him, her eyelids heavy.  
Dressed in regular clothing, a white shirt with black jeans and boots he looked like the same old Thor she remembered, only none of the darkness in him that had crept into her Thor.  
Beside him his brother Loki was dressed a bit more elegantly in gray slacks and a black button up dress shirt and his long black hair had been tied back in a braid.  
He had his head tilted curiously at her and then his face lit up with a smile.  
“We are headed to the mess, but-“ Bruce was cut off as Loki let out a barking laugh and pushed forward, closer to Silver and she felt Bucky’s hold on her tighten as Loki clutched her hand in his.  
He proceeded to kiss both her cheeks happily.  
“You! You’re real! I seriously thought I had conjured you in my mind! Not a one here seemed to know who you were, not even the solider or the archer as you said! I thought you perished from your fall.” Loki said genuine pleasure showing on his face.  
“You remember me?” Silver gasped, her heart beating quickly as excitement coursed through her.  
“They had no idea who you were! I tried to explain!” Loki said releasing her hand and motioning to the group.  
“They still have no idea.” Mumbled Silver.  
“Is this not the prisoner? Why is she here?” Thor asked tilting his head in question and stepped closer himself.  
Silver was being overwhelmed with senses and emotions and feeling fainter by the second, the increased closeness of the crowd wasn’t helping the overwhelming sensation.  
She took several deep, ragged breaths unable to concentrate on Bucky’s breathing to regulate her own.  
“You remember.” She gasped in disbelief.  
“Of course I remember you, I spent the better part of a year attempting to convince these fools that you saved me from falling into infinity, but fell yourself. How did you survive? It was impossible.” Loki asked in awe.  
“Hold up! You know her? How?” Tony asked and Natasha stepped forward.  
“How about we all take this inside the mess hall and stop crowding her okay?” Natasha said and the men paused and realized that they had indeed begun to press closer and closer to Silver who became weaker and weaker.  
“Yes, let’s do that and also hold your questions until the kid has eaten something. She has waited long enough.” Bruce said even though he must have the most questions himself and the group shuffled into the great dining hall.  
The smell of food made Silver groan in pain as she realized how starved she was.  
Bucky gently sat her in a chair and pushed her closer to the long hardwood table that could easily seat forty.  
She raked her eyes over the mostly empty hall and noticed several people get to their feet and join them but her vision was beginning to get clouded so she could not identify them.  
“Everyone grab a plate and bring her a little of everything.” Natasha demanded and Thor shrugged and headed toward the food to obey and the others followed. Bucky sat down beside her and kept his non-metal arm wrapped around her, making certain she didn’t slump over.  
“Something special you want?” Natasha asked.  
“Fruit and whole milk.” Silver said automatically, through wheezing breaths.  
Her body was craving the vitamins and calcium desperately, fruit and milk would begin to replenish her the fastest. Natasha nodded and headed toward the kitchens.  
“Breath and try to take it easy when the food gets here. Don’t want you getting sick.” Bucky said gently, a hand stroking down her back.  
“I won’t get sick. My body will break down whatever I eat as soon as it hits my stomach. My bones are probably down to eggshells by now, so nothing is going to go to waste.” Silver assured Bucky as Natasha returned with a glass and a gallon of whole milk and poured her a glass before taking a seat on her other side of her.  
“Thank you.” Silver managed to say before she gulped down the icy cold milk that seemed to sooth some of the constant pain the inside of her body was causing.  
She let Bucky refill her glass as Thor set three plates in front of her, piled high with food arranged in no particular order.  
He seemed to literally put a little of everything in front of her.  
He smiled proudly at her as she reached for a chunk of cheddar cheese and bit into it.  
“Thank you Thor.” She said as she tried not to recall all that they had shared in their life together before.  
“Your welcome.” He said cheerfully as he went back to get himself some food, not at all perturbed that she knew his name.  
Bruce had brought her a tray with two plates of fresh fruit in every variety.  
Diced melons, whole berries and grapes, chunks of pineapple and halved peaches, peeled oranges and even a few pieces of fruit she couldn’t identify.  
A few small bottles of orange juice and a wrapped turkey sandwich completed the tray.  
He took a seat opposite her and pulled one of the orange juice bottles and the turkey sandwich to him and began to unwrap it and eat as Natasha gave him a withering look.  
“What? We have to eat too, no sense in her having to eat alone.” Bruce said as he bit into his sandwich.  
Silver had finished another chunk of cheese and a slice of chocolate cake from Thor’s plate as she grabbed a peach halve from one of the fruit plates Bruce brought.  
While she was drinking another glass of milk, Tony returned.  
“I’ve brought you a masterpiece, even though you called me an asshole. I forgive you, you can’t hold a person accountable for things said while hungry. It’s the law.” Tony said and placed a single plate in front of her with a flourish, shoving away one of Thor’s mounded plates.  
A single pancake with a face made of strawberry eyes and a slice of bacon for the mouth, topped with whipped cream hair and chocolate chips forming the spikes of a very familiar beard was Tony’s masterpiece.  
“Ta-da!” Tony said proudly.  
“They made that pretty fast Stark, do you often order pancakes that look like you?” Natasha teased.  
“The only kind of pancakes I eat my jealous friend.” Tony says.  
Silver smiled as Loki placed his plate beside Tony’s and gave Silver an awed look, like he couldn’t believe she was sitting there.  
A single fillet of grilled chicken garnished with a lemon slice, sat beside a neat row of asparagus and a steaming pile of wild rice. It was simple and elegant and Silver wanted to shove it in her mouth with her bare hands.  
“Mine is still better!” Tony said and Loki just rolled his eyes and slid his body into the empty seat beside Bruce.  
“Brother, I have brought you some food too. Look! Spaghetti! Remember we tried spaghetti and you loved it?” Thor said and Loki took the offered plate of spaghetti piled high as Thor sat beside him with a plate pile impossibly higher, red sauce dripping down.  
“I said it wasn’t as unbearable as that mess you made me eat in Alfheim.” Loki said and Thor laughed.  
Silver looked down at Tony’s plate that was now empty and couldn’t recall eating the pancake, her hunger must have taken auto-pilot for a moment, her fingers were sticky and she hoped that she hadn’t done anything too embarrassing while devouring the food.  
She pushed aside the plate after picking at the last of the chocolate chips and pulled Loki’s plate closer.  
The lemon scent hit her nostrils and she sighed gratefully as she took her first bite. It was heaven and every bite seemed to make her want more. She finished that plate quickly too feeling the strength begin to return to her body as she now sat upright without Bucky’s arm and her vision was clear and precise once again.  
“I’ve called the rest of the team to join us here, and as soon as you’re ready Silver, we’d like to hear how you and Loki know each other.” Natasha said and Silver nodded, her mouth full.  
“Hey look at her hair!” Tony exclaimed, mouth full of cake.  
“Tony Stark how many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?” Pepper said from the doorway and Silver reached up and touched her hair that had grown down to her shoulders.  
Pepper took a seat beside Tony and smiled at Silver in greeting and Silver tried to smile back but she was still chewing a piece of a teriyaki chicken skewer from Thor’s plate. Pepper kissed Tony’s cheek and offered her a chunk of chocolate cake right from his hands and she took a small bite.  
“You’re not hungry?” Silver paused in her eating long enough to ask Bucky who sat calmly and quietly beside her.  
“I’m okay.” He said and stole a grape off one of her plates and popped it into his mouth with a grin, she grinned back and drank a bottle of orange juice, the gallon of milk long since depleted.  
Loki noticed and rose to his feet to fetch another gallon from the kitchens.  
“Whoa, started the party without me? Okay, I got some catching up to do.” A voice called from the entrance way, Sam followed by the twins.  
After they got food for themselves, they took spots at the table, giving Silver sidelong glances.  
“So this is the dangerous prisoner huh? She just looks plain cute to me.” Sam said giving Silver a flirty smile.  
Silver felt a laugh bubble up in her throat.  
No one had called her cute in such a long time.  
She had begun to forget she was even female for the most part.  
Loki returned with two more gallons of milk in his hands and sat them in front of Bucky and went back to his vacant seat beside Thor.  
Clint arrived with an unknown pregnant woman, along with Maria and Nick.  
Silver looked over to him longingly.  
He pulled out a chair for the woman and kissed her forehead before going to get them some food.  
He pointedly avoided looking at Silver when he returned and the woman glanced at her nervously as she took a bite of her food.  
Silver had never been in a room with Clint when they didn’t share a secret smile, a knowing laugh or even a passing touch. They had been the closest of friends for as long as Silver could remember and here he was pretending that she didn’t exist.  
She watched his every movement with greedy eyes, praying he would look at her, remember that she loved him like no other.  
“Hey Nat.” He said in greeting to Natasha who shot Silver a nervous look.  
Silver looked down at her food and had the sneaking suspicion that her earlier comment to Bruce about Natasha having something that was hers, had been overheard. Natasha thought she hated her because of Clint and Silver wouldn’t tell her otherwise.  
She felt her eyes return to Clint against her will.  
“Hey Clint, Laura. Where are the kids?” Natasha said and Silver shoved a piece of meatloaf into her mouth to keep from crying out. This woman was his wife, they had kids. It was everything Clint had always wanted and never had when she knew him.  
Tears filled her eyes and she chewed mechanically. She couldn’t begrudge Clint this happiness he had been denied most of his life.  
She wondered what kind of woman this Laura was.  
Did she make him laugh? She must if Clint loved her. The adoring way that he looked at her left little doubt that Clint loved this woman very much and it made Silver’s heart ache. She had never seen Clint look at another person with that much love but herself.  
She felt Bucky’s arm return to her shoulder and she was grateful for the contact as Natasha and Clint conversed softly from across the table and Silver tried to pry her eyes away from Clint and the way his arm wrapped protectively around his pregnant wife, as if trying to ward Silver away.  
She couldn’t help but compare it to the way he used to coddle her.  
Though he still would not look at her directly, she saw the tension in his face and limbs that told her he knew she was watching him.  
She drank another glass of milk that Bucky had refilled for her and wiped her mouth with the linen napkin from her lap.  
Empty plates surrounded her and she still felt ravenously hungry. She had even finished the random assortment plates that Thor had assembled for her, with room in her belly still.  
She had been right about her body using every bit of sustenance it received, hardly any of what she ate remained in her stomach for more than a few seconds. The milk went straight to her bones, filling in the brittle cavities starvation had created.  
“You want some more?” Bucky asked her softly and she nodded embarrassed that she had gotten to this desperate point. She had eaten more than any of them combined and was still starving. Bucky made to rise but Pepper interrupted him.  
“I’ve got it James, I was getting up anyway.” Pepper told him and Tony got up too.  
“I’ll help you, she was blown away by my world famous pancake face.” Tony told Pepper, to which she shook her head indulgently.  
Silver drank some more milk as she tried not to look at Barton anymore when Steve walked in.  
She felt his presence, rather than saw him.  
She looked down at the table, refusing to let herself look at him.  
She couldn’t look at him or the pain would eat her up.  
He had been her husband. One of the only things that kept her alive during some of the toughest moments at the facility had been the thought of bringing him back, saving him. He greeted everyone and brushed past her as he patted Bucky’s arm in hello.  
Her head was bowed and her new long hair covered her face like a veil of which she found fitting as her heart mourned every second he was near and not loving her. Silver watched his legs as he went to get food and paused to talk to Tony and Pepper as they came back with more food for Silver. Someone had cleared away the old plates and empty milk gallons by the time Pepper sat two fresh plates of food in front of her.  
She took a bite of food not tasting it as Steve returned and kissed Natasha briefly before sitting beside her.  
“What took you so long Lover Boy?” Natasha purred, running a hand through Steve’s hair and Silver spied Bruce shaking his head in warning at her from across the table. He understood. She frowned, then saw that Silver had become increasingly inverted and let her hand fall away from Steve.  
“Breath, breath, breath.” Bucky chanted to her softly and she nodded and took even breaths.  
He must have felt the change in her. The shaking began in her hands but she stopped it before it left her body, but Bucky must have felt it through her as he tried to calm her.  
“I got here as fast as I could. When your best girl calls, you come running.” Steve whispered to Natasha but Silver felt like she could hear him right in her ear.  
She silently cried then and couldn’t stop the tears that fell. Tears were better than the alternative, total self destruction.  
Bruce got to his feet and came round the table and crouched beside her, between her and Bucky.  
“You going to be okay kid?” He said in almost a whisper, taking her hand in his, rubbing it gently.  
“Yeah, it’s okay. I’m just not used to…Well you know.” She said and he nodded in understanding.  
“Natasha can you shove down a seat please?” Bruce asked and her brow furrowed but she stood and so did Steve as they moved down a seat each.  
“Thank you.” Bruce said as he took the seat Natasha vacated.  
“It’s hard Bruce, it is really hard to see them, to see you all and not be remembered. I’m not going to freak out I swear, it just feels so wrong…” She whispered taking gasping breaths as she cried harder. Everyone stopped eating and all eyes were on them now, curious and watching. Bruce and Bucky both huddled close to her and spoke encouraging words. Silver tried to stop her breathing from stuttering, willing the tears away as best she could.  
“I know it’s hard, it’s impossibly hard to be in a situation like this.” Bruce said and Bucky repeated his mantra of ‘Breath, breath, breath.’ Silver took deep breaths and nodded more to herself than them, and wiped away her tears.  
“I’m okay. I’m okay.” She whispered and Bruce let her go, but Bucky kept close. She steeled herself against reacting like that again and made herself look first at Barton, then directly at Steve before looking back at her food and finishing the task at hand. When all the food was eaten and plates cleared away and Silver felt satisfied, but not full, Bruce cleared his throat.  
“Uh, Loki? You ready to explain to all of us how you know Silver?” Bruce asked and Loki glowered at everyone as he stood.  
“I did, in fact explain this to several of you in great detail to no avail when I returned initially. You all thought me delusional. A year ago when I nearly fell from the Bifrost after the failed attempt at gaining control of the throne, I was saved by a mystery woman. She said she was part of your team and that when I returned I was to seek you all out, my brother included and join forces or my death would be imminent. She said that she should be back by the time I got to the fortress and that I am to ask for her. She named several particular members to whom she was especially close, but not one of you knew who she was. I had begun to think I was in fact delusional, that my near death experience conjured up this mystery savior. Sitting before me is proof that I was not crazy, nor is she.” Loki said sending a half smile to Silver and she sighed as he took his seat once more.


	6. Story Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The villain of this story, Suren is one of my own invention

“Wait, why am I just hearing of this? I never heard any story about a girl saving Loki.” Tony said and a few other members mumbled their agreement.  
“We thought as Loki said, that he was delusional and therefore felt that word of his uh, weakness should not be spread least it impede his acceptance here.” Thor said and Loki barked out a laugh.  
“So wait, who were the ‘Particularly close members’ you mentioned?” Tony asked and Loki shook his head.   
“If you don’t know, I am not telling you.” Loki said and Tony whined.  
“Silver? You ready to say your piece?” Bruce said softly to her and she nodded but remained seated.  
“Okay, so my name is Silver and most of you are my friends, or were.” Silver said to begin.   
“But I messed up seriously and I’ve only got myself to blame.” Silver sighed and took a long drink of orange juice.  
“I have several special abilities as you all may have gathered, nothing new here. Some of you have abilities of your own natural or otherwise. Mine, I was born with. One, is the ability to make what I call jumps, as in time jumps. Only backwards, and never very far back. The furthest I have jumped for example is four years and that was an accident. Anyway, I was here living life in this grand old place with most of you but some really bad stuff happened and some of us were hurt or killed. After some long and serious consideration, I decided that I would jump back to where I thought the trouble was about to begin. Stupid, right? Thinking I could just go back and fix what all of us couldn’t do together, but I am young and dumb I guess. So erasing every trace of myself here was strangely the easiest part of my self-set mission, as I had help from several people including my uh, best friend and accomplice.” Silver cleared her throat and fought with all her strength not to look at Clint who she could feel eyeing her lazily.  
“He and I meticulously removed any and all evidence of my existence, which wasn’t much as I never made much of an impact on the world like you all. After that was done we had to pin-point the exact time I would go back. Decided who exactly needed to be saved in order for me to make the least amount of change for things to be righted was harder, but once that was done, I set about hiding everyone’s memories and knowledge of me.” Silver paused as Steve cleared his throat softly.  
“Who were the ones you needed to save? What exactly was all this horrible shit that happened? You know, I think you are being purposely vague.” Tony said.  
“I know, and I will continue to be. I can’t fix anything here anymore, and as much as I want to show you all or even tell you exactly how your lives had been and what each of you meant to me, I won’t. It will serve no purpose but to disrupt the lives you have built over the old ones.” Silver said.  
“Not fair, why do you get to make that choice huh? What if we want to know who we were and all that?” Tony demands and Silver shakes her head. He wouldn’t be saying that if he knew the things his other-self had done out of grief.  
“I am not doing this because I want to. I wish I could just show you all everything, it would make this whole part so much easier. But what end would it bring? Would any of you remember me? No. Would any of you be able to pick up the pieces of the old lives? No. Not a single good can come of me showing you.” Silver stressed.   
“What do you mean ‘Show’? You’ve said that several times and initially when you arrived here, you said you could ‘show’ us.” Natasha asked and Silver cursed the woman’s observant nature and her slip of the tongue.  
“It’s another little ability of mine. I can show things and scenes I’ve been party to. No, I will not show you anything Tony.” Silver snapped as she saw Tony open his mouth in preparation for his next question.  
“Why even tell us you knew us then? If you are just going to hoard all this information now? Why even return?” Clint demanded and Silver looked at him with sad eyes and made herself speak.  
“I arrived here thinking I could still get back what I lost.” She said simply, trying to make her voice sound unaffected.  
“That’s a bullshit answer and you know it.” Clint bit back and despite everything, Silver wanted to smile at him arguing with her like they used to.  
“It’s true. I thought I could bring back what I had hidden in all of you. But like I said, I fucked-up. Along the way somewhere, I dissolved the old ties. I changed the wrong thing, or I saved the wrong person or even killed the wrong person. It worked out for all of you though. You are all alive, you are all whole and the only price is that you don’t remember me. Fair trade I think.” Silver said softly, and she knew it had been a fair trade. True, that Bruce and Natasha no longer had children or were even together, and many of the old bonds didn’t exist, but all were alive. That’s all that mattered.  
“So we just take your word that you were our savior and be grateful? Is that what you’re saying?” Clint snapped and Silver looked down at the table at a loss. That was what she was asking and she knew it was a lot. She should have lied. She should have said she was crazy and they would have locked her up but not dug deep.   
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I did what I had to do, I protected what I loved. The price I am paying is no one remembering me, but I’m glad to pay it. I’m not asking for anything from you guys here. All I ever wanted to do was help.” Silver said defeated and she couldn’t lift her head to look at Clint to see whether he was satisfied with her answer or not.   
“You know what? I don’t want to talk anymore. I came back thinking I was returning to people who loved me. I was wrong and I have nothing now.” Silver said softly, what was the use in words? In talking? It wouldn’t change anything. The damage was done and she had to accept that her life should have ended long ago. Everyone was silent, sensing her defeat, her sorrow.  
“When you arrived, you called to Clint. Tried to get him to remember over everyone else, why?” Steve spoke up, his voice not unkind and Silver stiffened her back and looked to him but made her eyes blur so she wasn’t really seeing him.  
“He was my fail-safe. Inside his head had been a tiny thread of memory that would lead him back to me. Once he remembered, in theory, everyone else would.” Silver explained dryly.  
“What went wrong?” Steve asked sympathetically.  
“This, I’m guessing.” Clint grumbled, tapping the hearing aid on his left ear and Silver nodded sadly.  
“That. Although again, it is likely for the best that it didn’t work. How chaotic would it be for you all to remember both lives? You would be in this life, in love with someone and suddenly you remember that you are married and share children with another person. And where are those children? You birthed them and raised them and now they don’t exist? But you remember them! And do you just stop loving this new person because you now remember the old one you loved? No, it’s impossible. You would go mad. I did not think shit through. I really and royally fucked-up.” Silver said voice sounding strained.  
“But I did it all for you guys.” She added in a whisper.  
“Just take me back to the smash room. Lock me away somewhere, kill me, I honestly don’t care anymore. I’ve been through literal Hell and I am tired. So tired. Just end this.” Silver said not realizing the tears had begun again.  
“No one is going to do anything to you Silver. No one is hurting you got it? We just want to understand, please?” Bruce said softly. Silver found his words to be genuine. She took a minute to regain herself before getting back on track with the story. It was only fair she tell them what she could before she was gone, and gone she would be. They might not hurt her or kill her, but could she really stand a life as a prisoner of the people she loved? Death would be better.   
“As I was saying, I needed to save several key lives that would change the tide of so many things. One major one was Loki.” Silver said and gave Loki a smile.  
“In my time, Loki fell into the abyss but like me, he survived and became something different. He returned here and caused some serious damage before he was eventually killed by his own allies. Sorry Loki. But in going back and saving him, I preventing not only his eventual death, but the loss of some several thousand innocent lives in the prevention of his war. This is where I messed up, I fell into the abyss instead. I fell and fell for I don’t know how long, but when I finally made it out I found out that it was a year before the day I saved Loki. I had made jumps in the abyss without knowing it. So from then, I was four years away from home, to the best of my knowledge.” Silver concluded.  
“So when you jump back, is there still another you living life and all that?” Maria asks.  
“No, when I jump back the Silver from that time disappears. There can only be one me at a time.” She says simply.  
“Where were you in those four years? Why didn’t you just return to us immediately then and try and salvage what you could?” Thor asked in his rugged voice.  
“I still had other things to do. I had to save a few friends still. Also I needed to weaken Suren enough so that you guys could eventually kill her without the world exploding.” Silver said and everyone starting talking at once, questions and shouts erupting from the calm.  
“What do you know of Suren?” Thor shouted the same time Bruce called out for everyone to quiet down but no one listened.  
“How do you know about her attack? How did you weaken her?” Steve asked.  
“So she really is mortal then? We weren’t sure. We had some Intel, but we thought it was a false lead.” Natasha said.  
“Suren can’t be killed! We’ve tried.” Wanda said angrily.  
“We must plan an attack, this information changes everything.” Thor insisted. Silver felt her head swimming with a million possible scenarios as the voices of the team droned on and on.  
“Shut up! Everyone!” Bucky yelled getting to his feet and everyone stilled and quietly sat back down. When he was satisfied that no one would interrupt, Bucky took his seat once more.  
“Suren was the cause of most of our trouble then too. Killing her on my own was impossible, She was too strong and too smart. But I did learn a thing or two about her along the way, one is she is built similarly to me. I figured out how to weaken her by knowing what weakens me and eventually made her mortal and yes, able to be killed. She is still strong and she still has those creepy minions, but she can be stopped for good now.” Silver said and was surprised that they hadn’t killed Suren yet, she knew she had given them at least that much.  
“How? You didn’t answer. How did you weaken her?” Clint asked challengingly.  
“I ripped out one of her hearts.” Silver said and everyone was on their feet again and talking louder this time. Stark was punching something into his tablet screen and Natasha spoke into her phone urgently as Nick and Maria pulled up a digital map on the wall screen and red lights began to dot the plotted area. Banner also had his phone in front of him and was searching furiously for something as Clint and Steve waved Thor over to the mapped wall and they spoke of offensive strategies.  
“She does not know we know about her weakness. This is a great advantage friends.” Thor said.  
“But she knows she’s weakened, and a wounded animal is sometimes more dangerous.” Steve said. Silver sat quietly with Bucky beside her and he didn’t seem to feel the need to press her with any questions or talk and she was relieved that the attention had shifted from her for a moment at least.  
Natasha seemed to realize that Silver had been forgotten and she whispered to Bruce discreetly and he looked to Silver wearily and walked over.  
“Silver, we have to take you back to your room. Just as a precaution.” Bruce told her and she laughed dryly.   
“I understand. Can’t have the prisoner running free right?” Silver said and stood up waiting for Bruce to lead the way.  
“It’s not like that, Silver. It’s just the team doesn’t know whether they can completely trust you yet. I promise nothing is going to happen to you. You will be safe and cared for and be comfortable. I will see to it.” Bruce assured her and she stared blankly ahead waiting for him to lead her back to the smash room. She would make herself cease to be a problem once she was alone.  
“Okay Silver, let’s go.” He said with a deep sigh and she walked a step behind him with Bucky tailing her. She was frustrated beyond measure at this point but she couldn’t really stress the frustration without seeming dangerous so she went along. She would continue to just go along. What choice did she have? She could always escape, but why? Everything she had done had been for them, leaving would defeat that purpose. As weak as it was, she would simply have to give up.  
“I’m sorry Bruce. I know you mean well, I really do. It is just very frustrating for me to be on the outside of something I helped create and protect.” Silver said apologetically and Bruce paused and turned to her.  
“The thing is, I believe you Silver. Everything you have told us, though strange, seems genuine. I don’t think you are crazy or delusional even. I think you’ve been through hell and back and what you’ve shared with us is you only scratching the surface of what you’ve endured. I want to help you and you clearly want to help us, but I am not the supreme authority here and my empathy for people is often mistaken for weakness. Anything I have to say in favor of you is going to seem like big old softie Bruce, falling prey to the seemingly weak and wounded animal. That’s not how I see it, but you know some of the more shrewd members of the team will.” Bruce explained and Silver took a moment to stare at him in appreciation. He truly did believe her, she could see it in his eyes. She decided she would show him a little memory.  
“I’m going to show you something Bruce. You will see black for a second, but just stay calm.” She said and he yelped as his vision went black and she brought up the little memory she wished for him to see.  
Bruce and Natasha kissed passionately in his lab, as Silver made choking noises to interrupt them, tablet in hand. Bruce turned and smiled lazily and Natasha laughed at the blush rising on his cheeks and strode from the lab, blowing him a kiss.  
“I have the work ups for the new multi-force shield for the compound.” Silver told him with a grin and his face showed interest as his embarrassment faded.  
“And? Any change?” He asked coming over to look over Silver’s shoulder at her tablet. She tapped the screen and brought up the mock-ups and he grabbed the tablet from her scrolling through the lines of code and data.  
“You did it?” He asked tapping the screen again, widening the picture and reading the specs. He read the sequence code that had taken Silver and Tony several weeks to work through and grinned.  
“You did it!” He said looking up and laughing in amazement.  
“Um, no. We did it.” Tony said strolling into the lab and pulling the tablet from Bruce’s hands and tapping on the image.  
“See? I did that. She never would have figured it out without my genius.” Stark said and Bruce pulled the tablet back, ignoring Tony.  
“This is amazing! This is years ahead of its time.” Bruce mused.  
“I have been known to be amazing from time to time.” Stark said.  
“Yes, yes, Tony helped. Mostly he ate all my Reese’s Pieces, but he did help a little.” Silver said dismissively and Tony scoffed.  
“My assistance was instrumental young lady!” Tony argued.   
“You broke the display screen in my lab!” Silver countered.  
“I said I would fix it.” Tony mumbled.  
“Both of you shut up, your worse than my chi-“ Bruce began but Silver cut the memory off, realizing she may have shown him too much. Bruce’s eyes cleared from the show, and he stared wide eyed at Silver. Bucky had remained calmly unmoving at Silver’s side, not interrupting but now he spoke.  
“What did you see? What did she show you?” Bucky asked curiously and Bruce shook his head in disbelief.  
“You can show all your memories that way?” Bruce asked in awe.  
“Yeah pretty much. Not just my memories though, if I was present like say I was in the same room but not listening to a particular conversation, my mind kind of records the whole thing and stores it. It’s like my mind makes movies of anything I am a part of and adds them to my collection. I can watch or show them at will, but just because I have a movie, doesn’t mean I know what happens before I watch it myself.” Silver explained as they began walking again after earning several lingering looks from passing guards.  
“Me and Natasha? That’s what you meant when you said that it was ‘too weird’ for us to be together that day?” Bruce asked sounding dreamy.  
“You two were always together in my world, moving around each other like you were just meant to be. It was like the world was slapped off balance seeing the two of you together and not gravitating around each other like always.” Silver told him.  
“Bruce and Nat were a thing in your world?” Bucky asked trying to catch up.  
“That’s what she showed me.” Bruce said still sounding awed as they approached the doors to his lab and not the smash room.  
“That sequence code you came up with…We don’t have anything like it.” Bruce told her pushing his lab doors open, where they hissed open.  
“Really? I thought Tony would have gotten to it by now. He really was a big help with it, I just liked to give him shit.” Silver said letting herself collapse into an armchair and Bucky lifted himself up onto a counter top.   
“We haven’t even come close. Do you remember the sequence? Some of what you showed me I can replicate, but it would take me months to try and piece together what you formed.” Bruce said and Silver motioned for his tablet and he handed it to her without hesitation, she tapped it several times creating a new draft map and began. She made short work of it, only including the most necessary information just now and began to re-piece together the elaborate sequence of code that would allow them to build the digital wall around any member of the team.  
“Here, it’s rough, but I think you can fill in the blanks from what you saw.” Silver said handing the tablet back to Bruce who searched it with intense interest.   
“This is amazing! It’s like the missing pieces that no one realized we needed.” Bruce said with excitement.  
“Were you some kind of genius like Stark and Banner here?” Bucky asks and Silver shakes her head.  
“I didn’t even finish high school. I just always had a thing for puzzles and most of what they do here is some form of a puzzle to me. I don’t really get the specifics of it all, but I guess I am able to look at it all from an outside perspective and that lets me see what others miss. I don’t know….” Silver says trailing off.  
“Whatever it is, it’s brilliant.” Bruce said honestly and Silver smiles bashfully, she never was good at taking compliments.  
“So what are we doing back here? More tests?” Silver asks and Bruce nods.  
“I would like to see what improvement was made from you eating. It’s obvious you are a hundred times better, but still.” Bruce said and Silver nodded obligingly.  
“Do your thing Doctor.” Silver said with a sad smile. Bucky took a seat on the table where he had been perched before when Tony had been working on his arm and leaned back comfortably. Bruce tapped the glass screens beside him and they all lit to life.  
“Now just lay back while the computer scans you. I didn’t get a chance to do a full body scan earlier, or much of anything really.” Bruce said and he brought up a 3-D image of her body internally and Silver saw, even without medical knowledge that her body had healed.  
“Wow, all the damage is gone. Your bones are a thousand times stronger than they were. All your organs are functioning at a hundred percent. You are better than okay, Silver. You are likely the healthiest human here, not including our super soldiers and demi-gods, but you get the idea.” Bruce said excitedly.  
“A good meal makes a difference.” Silver said with a small smile.  
“A hell of a difference. I wonder if it is your blood or your biological makeup itself that causes your healing…” Bruce trailed off thoughtfully.  
“Take all the samples you want Bruce, I am fed and that is the most I can ask for right now. Take what you need.” She said easily and Bruce frowned and hesitated.  
“You know you don’t have to do anything for us. You are not some prisoner that we can experiment on at will. Anything you don’t like, within reason, we will accommodate. I guarantee that. You will never be hurt by us like you were in the past.” Bruce told her. Silver smiled at him reassuringly but Bucky scoffs.  
“I know that Bruce, I know all of you and I know you would never do anything like that to me.” Silver said and shuddered to think of the pain she had endured.  
“Anytime you want to talk about that time Silver, I’m here. I know I don’t know you like you know me, but I am being sincere, I am here.” He said and Silver nodded, her throat feeling a little tight. After several rounds of samples, Bruce rattled around the lab and Bucky turned to Silver and spoke in a low voice.  
“You’re giving up.” He said. It wasn’t a question.   
“Wouldn’t you?” She said not denying his words.  
“No I damn well wouldn’t. There have been a lot of times when it would have been easier to simply give in, end it or let it all end. You know how many lives would have been saved if I’d only have taken myself from the equation?” Bucky asked and Silver nodded, because she knew exactly how many lives he had taken. She had been there when he was put to death too, all of that she could remember. This wasn’t just about giving up. It was about her being tired of all the suffering, all the pain she’d endured. She was tired and she didn’t need to explain that to someone she didn’t know, someone she had saved.  
“I know that you’ve killed in the hundreds, I know that you remember every single one. I know that it hurts you that you’ve had no control. But you have something left to live for, you have Steve and all your friends who love you. You have the potential of a life. I’ve lived too many lives. I’m tired.” Silver explains anyway.  
“I lived even when I thought there wasn’t a soul in the world that cared for me.” Bucky says defiantly and Silver is trying really hard not to stare into those violet blue eyes of his.  
“What do you care? Just leave me alone Barnes. You don’t know what I’ve endured.” Silver said and turned away from Bucky. Bruce was watching them worriedly, unsure of what to do or say.  
“If there is nothing else, I’d like to go back to my room. I’m really tired.” Silver said to Bruce and Bucky made a scoffing sound.  
“Sure. We’ll walk you back.” Bruce said softly and Bucky got to his feet despite his obvious annoyance and followed them from the lab. The walk was silent and Silver didn’t bother looking around this time. When they reached the room, Silver sighed in relief. She was ready for things to be over with. It surprised her how easily she came to this conclusion, ending things. But she really could see any other option being better.  
Inside the room Silver sat on the bed with her eyes closed, waiting for the airlock doors to close. When they didn’t Silver opened her eyes and saw Bucky sat in the armchair beside the door. Bruce was looking at him questioningly.  
“What are you doing?” Silver asked, her voice rising for some reason.  
“I’m just going to sit here, till you see reason.” Bucky said and Silver clenched her fists in annoyance.  
“And if I want you to leave?” Silver asked.  
“I guess you’ll have to make me.” Bucky said and Silver felt her body shaking with the restraint it took to not implode here and now. She wouldn’t hurt Bucky, but she couldn’t blast herself to nothing if he was in the room with her.  
“Get out.” She said through her teeth and he simply smiled at her as she continued to shake.  
“Uh Bucky, I think we should let her be, give her some time.” Bruce said nervously.  
“Don’t worry Dr. Banner. She isn’t going to hurt me.” Bucky said and Silver wanted to drop the ceiling on him for his confident words.  
“I said get out!” Silver screamed and the force of the heat waves emanating from her knocked Bucky to the ground. The air lock doors automatically slammed shut at her outburst and Bruce was barred on the other side. A security measure, now Bucky couldn’t leave.  
“I can’t open it Barnes!” Bruce said from the other side of the glass. Silver kept the pulse of power shaking the room, she had wanted to scare him, but anger was filling her blood. Anger at all the unjust things that she had gone through and how unfair everything was. Bucky was on the ground, unable to stand from the force of the enclosed waves of power, of blistering heat.  
“You gonna kill me then huh? Go ahead. We’ll both be blown to bits.” Bucky says and Silver lets out a frustrated scream as Bucky tries to crawl towards her on the floor where she has dropped to her knees. When he reaches her it seems like ages have passed and she is sobbing uncontrollably.   
Bucky manages to wrap his arms around her and pulls her to the ground with him so that they are both lying on their sides on the floor. Silver continues to scream and cry and rage and Bucky simply holds onto her tighter, even as his own body shakes with the force of it. Slowly, the room starts to still and Silver isn’t screaming anymore. Bucky still holds her as small tremors rock her, but she is mostly calm now.  
Her throat feels raw then and all the tears she shed make her feel thirsty and tired. She stares at Bucky tiredly and his eyes are wide and honest when she looks into them.  
“Better?” He asks gruffly and she chokes on a laugh.  
“This will pass, this feeling that you don’t need to exist, that you don’t deserve to exist, it isn’t real. You deserve the world. We both do.” Bucky says and she wonders why he cares, if he truly does care.   
“I don’t believe you.” Silver says tiredly and she knows she is drifting into sleep but she doesn’t want to fight it. It’s nice to fall asleep with someone holding her.  
She wakes and she is somehow in the bed, Bucky beside her, watching her lazily.   
“How long was I asleep this time?” She asks worriedly and Bucky shakes his head.  
“A few hours, don’t worry. I won’t let you sleep for weeks anymore. We are going to get you back to yourself, whoever that may be.” Bucky says and Silver doesn’t say anything, because really, she doesn’t know who she is anymore.


	7. Make New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silver presently gets into a bit of mischief with Loki and Bucky, later she dreams memories of her youth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the first chapter where things start to go out of order a bit in the form of memories from Silver's life before she messed everything up.

Bucky had taken to haunting Bruce’s lab whenever Silver was there, he wouldn’t say much and never got in the way, but he was there. An unspoken comfort to Silver that he would make sure nothing happened to her that she didn’t want. Each day Bruce himself would come and collect her from the room, and they would walk the compound for a bit before they headed to his lab.  
At first she though he was trying to keep her from learning the layout of things, but soon she realized that he was trying to give her some form of exercise.  
“You know you could always join me in the training room after hours. No one else would be there.” Bucky offered softly one day as he joined her and Bruce in walking the halls.  
“You could work out, run, spar, whatever you like.” Bucky added and Bruce nodded in approval.  
“That is a good idea. I worry about you being all cooped up in that room.” Bruce said.  
“You guys trying to tell me I am getting fatter?” Silver asked jokingly and both men stumbled over apologies as Silver tried not to laugh too hard at them.  
“Kidding! I would like the exercise though, so yeah Bucky if you don’t mind. I don’t mind.” Silver said as they filed into the lab. Today Loki was waiting for them, leaning against a counter, fiddling with a stethoscope.  
“Hey.” Silver said in greeting and he gave her an approving nod and turned to the others.  
“Is this the extent of her human interaction? The two of you?” Loki asked.  
“Well, pretty much. Yeah. The others haven’t really warmed to her like we have yet.” Bruce said hesitantly. He wasn’t sure where Loki was going with this.  
“That sounds depressing.” Loki said and gave Silver a mischievous smile.  
“She can’t do anything that will cause trouble pal, she is already treated like a criminal, and we don’t want them putting her on complete lockdown.” Bucky said irritably, Silver could tell that he had taken Loki’s words as a slight at him.  
“Of course not! I wasn’t suggesting that, only that perhaps she should be allowed a little more variety in her daily routine.” Loki amended.  
“What did you have in mind?” Silver asked and Loki gave her another one of his sly grins.  
“Nothing to untoward. I just thought that perhaps she would be allowed some small liberties, like say a trip outside the compound.” Loki said and Bruce was already shaking his head.  
“Not possible, you know no one will agree to that.” Bruce said.  
“No one else has to agree but you Bruce, and you Mr. Barnes.” Loki said and Bucky looked like he wanted to hit Loki for suggesting something so impossible.  
“Hey no, it’s okay. You guys don’t have to do anything you aren’t supposed to. Loki, I know you mean well, but I probably shouldn’t make things harder than they already are. They don’t trust me as it is. I wouldn’t want to make things worse, for any of us.” Silver said sighing in disappointment. She had gotten ahead of herself slightly when Loki had made the proposition, but her mind caught up as usual and she knew it was out of the question.  
Loki’s face showed neither disappointment nor surprise, and Silver had to wonder if he expected to fail the whole time.  
“What was the plan anyway? What would we have done?” Silver asked wistfully and Loki gave a disinterested wave of his hand.  
“Oh nothing big really.” He said and took Silver’s hand and Bucky’s in his other and they suddenly were not in the compound anymore. They are on the steps of a grand theater, the night air freezing even though it had just been a warm afternoon. Silver blinked down at herself, surprised to find herself dressed in a beautifully made gown of sapphire blue. Bucky stared at Loki wide-eyed, dressed in finery similar to Loki’s sleek tuxedo.  
“Where the hell are we pal?” Bucky says in a low voice as people milled around and past them in gowns and tuxedos.  
“The opera. I know it’s a little fancy for you Barnes, but I have faith you’ll be able to follow along.” Loki says and Bucky flexes his metal arm in annoyance, stretching the seams of his fine jacket.  
Silver wants to worry or fret or say something to Loki about how he should not have done this, but she is awed by the beautiful theater before them and almost in a daze. She lets herself be led inside by Loki’s hand at her elbow, Bucky reluctantly following behind them.  
“You look stunning, if I do say so myself.” Loki whispers playfully to Silver and she finds herself grinning. Any reluctance Bucky has, dissipates when he sees the genuine smile on Silver’s face as she takes in the ornately made theater and Loki’s compliment.  
“This old thing? Just something I had lying around.” Silver jokes and Loki laughs lightly, taking the offered programs from the white-gloved usher. Loki hands once to Silver and she runs her fingers over the beautifully embossed butterfly on the cover. ‘Madama Butterfly’ it reads, and Silver shows Bucky excitedly and he gives her a nod and slight smile.  
“Come Barnes, you might actually enjoy yourself. Bucky gives him a withering look but follows and takes his seat on the other side of Silver when they reach what he knows is their booth, seats that Loki has likely commandeered from some group of unsuspecting people.  
“You look great in a tux Bucky.” Silver whispers to him as the lights flash signaling the start of the show and Bucky gives Silver a lopsided smile, and despite his reticence he finds himself eagerly anticipating the show. He’s never been to the Opera.  
When the music swells, Bucky feels himself turning to watch his companions. Silver’s face is wet with tears and she is completely absorbed. Bucky knows simply by watching Silver revel in the beauty of the music, witnessing just how pure her heart is that he would kill for her, he would do unspeakable things for her, he might love her.  
Loki is watching her as well and Bucky wonders if the man is feeling anything similar to what he is, do their faces mirror each other? When Loki feels Bucky’s eyes on him, he meets his gaze and something passes between the two of them that Bucky isn’t sure he could put into words. The soft twist of Loki’s lips as he smiles at Bucky is genuine, no trickery or malice behind it and it makes Bucky feel privileged and baffled all at once. He feels a shiver run the length of his body and Silver takes his hand unconsciously, intensifying this strange euphoric feeling that is threatening to overtake him.  
When the lights go up, long after the rest of the Opera guests have dispersed, they sit there together silently in a sort of trance, hands still joined.  
“I have to pee.” Silver says finally and Bucky shakes his head and releasing her hand, rising to his feet along with Loki as he leads them back to the lobby. They wait for Silver outside the ladies room not speaking but not looking away from each other.  
“What is this?” Bucky asks finally, so confused by his thoughts and feelings.  
“An experiment I believe.” Loki says and Bucky wants very much to reach over and kiss him.  
“So! On a scale of One to Ten, how much trouble to you think we are in once we return to the compound?” Silver asks emerging from the bathroom looking radiant, breaking the Bucky away from the stare down he’s been having with Loki.  
“Oh I’ll say eleven. I am sure the Captain has already probably dispatched agents to scan the globe for us.” Loki says winking at Bucky.  
“We better get back then. I am not looking forward to them finding a small, dark cell to hole me up in.” Silver says and Bucky frowns, shaking his head.  
“We won’t let them do that to you. Never.” Bucky tells her and she nods.  
“Quite right darling. They’ve yet to see my vicious side, but they will bring it out swiftly should they propose to harm you in any way.” Loki says seriously. Silver is relieved to some extent, if only to have them as her allies. She knows if harm is to come her way, no one, not even these men can prevent it.  
“If you’ll both kindly take my hands.” Loki says offering a hand to each and they both do so without hesitation and they are suddenly back inside the lab where they had initially vanished from.  
“Holy shit.” Banner says startled and Silver is trying not to laugh at the shock on his face.  
“How bad is it Bruce?” Silver asks and he shakes his head.  
“You guys have been gone two hours, they’ve naturally taken this to mean you three were going to initiate the apocalypse and destroy the world.” Banner says jokingly and Bucky laughs.  
“I am sure that isn’t far from the truth. Where are they waiting for us?” Bucky asks.  
“Well, they probably didn’t expect them to return.” Bruce says of Loki and Silver. “But Steve would never give you up for lost Bucky.” Bruce adds.  
“Good to know.” Bucky says with a soft smile.  
“The team is gathered in the meeting room. I am here because I am the only one at odds with their general consensus.” Bruce says and Silver grimaces before they head to the meeting room with Bruce.  
They are meet with a cacophony of loud demands about their whereabouts, voices overlapping and adding to the growing feeling of anxious dread that had developed in Silver’s belly.  
“Do you know the measures we have had to take after this little stunt? We were fully prepared for an attack when you three disappeared!” Steve shouts over Thor who is scolding Loki in a voice you might use with a dog that has been naughty.  
“The destruction that you might have caused Loki, you have to be more careful.” Thor says.  
“We caused no harm, a simple outing was all it was.” Loki insists unperturbed.  
“Steve, it was just the Opera, the kid needed some air. No damage done, no harm, no foul. Can we just leave it at that?” Bucky says knowing full well that no one was leaving it at that.  
Silver doesn’t say anything, it isn’t her place and she doesn’t want to add to fuel to the fire.  
The trio sit quietly alone in the room outside the meeting room as the rest of the team discussed what should be done regarding them.  
“It’s a public execution, definitely.” Silver says jokingly and Bucky laughs despite his determinations to remain serious.  
“We will be flogged in the courtyard, for all the tower to see.” Loki says in a mock serious tone.  
“I don’t know, sounds like you might actually enjoy the flogging Loki.” Bucky says and Loki throws his head back laughing.  
“And the exhibition, don’t forget I enjoy having all eyes on me.” Loki says in a low voice that sends embarrassing shivers through Silver’s body. The door is opened at that moment and they are motioned back inside by Bruce who looks like he wishes he could be anywhere but here.  
“We’ve agreed that for the time being, until we can know without any doubt that you aren’t a danger, that you are to remain in the Smash Room exclusively. No more trips to the lab, no more wandering even with supervision as that has proved to mean next to nothing if Loki decides to break you out.” Tony says and Bucky looks enraged.  
“The smash room is the only place that has proved to be impervious to Loki’s magic, so its the safest bet.” Natasha says.  
“What is she being held here for exactly?” Loki asks.  
“I am no expert on your Midgardian laws, but I inferred that you all had some sort of intelligent system of judging individuals guilty of committing harm. I don’t believe the potential to harm is reason enough to isolate and confine an individual. Unless she is guilty of some crime you’ve not disclosed to the rest of us?” Loki asks Steve, who looks taken aback at being the one he addresses.  
“Guys, he has a point. She is already cooperating here. It really isn’t right to treat her more like a prisoner than we already are.” Steve says and the other grudgingly agree.  
“You will be heavily supervised Miss Aveyard, please know that.” Maria Hill says calmly and Silver nods.

After the meeting, Bucky and Loki are allowed to walk her back to the Smash Room after it is decided that Bucky is security enough for the time being. She parts with them, softly kissing each on the cheek before heading inside to bed, exhausted as always.  
In sleep, Silver dreams a memory. Every detail exactly as it happened.

****  
Silver had just turned sixteen a few weeks before and this was meant to be her birthday picnic. She lay on a blanket beside Clint in a park as they sunbathed and basked in each other’s presence. This one moment showed so much more than could be said. Clint’s face held a relaxed look as he rested his head in Silver’s lap and she tilted her face to the sun, eyes closed. He was as unguarded as he had ever been, completely at ease with Silver in a way no one could match.  
“More bruises?” He asked suddenly, breaking the silence. Silver looked down at her bare arms, disguised by her guard in confusion. He peeked up at her and shook his head.  
“I’ve been learning how to tell when you’re using your cover, and you only use it when you have bruises to hide.” Clint said readily.  
She had yet to master the control of her healing abilities and her body did it on its own by severity. Bruises healed slower but anything crucial took minutes usually.  
“You know if you just showed someone what he is doing, they would stop him.” Clint said, not for the first time. If only it were that simple, she thought and her face showed it.  
“Where would that leave me?” Silver asked. He frowned, but said nothing till the moment had passed.  
“Silver, I am leaving.” He told her and she remained quiet, knowing he would explain, he would not just break her heart like that.  
“I’ve been offered a chance to study under this really bad ass archer, but the thing is, it’s in a traveling show.” He said.  
“Those things still exist? What like a circus?” She said and laughed.  
“That all you got to say?” He said tensing,  
“Should I cry and beg you to stay?” She said with a wry smile and he shook his head.  
“I would never dream of holding you back from something you wanted.” She said.  
“I know, I know, but you could beg a little.” He grumbled jokingly.  
“You know I would keep you chained to me forever if I could.” She told him honestly and his smile is one of relief.  
The scene changes and she is alone in her old bedroom, dark but bathed in patches of moonlight. Silver cringes as a crash below alerts her to her father’s presence.  
“It’s the only way. It’s the only way.” She tells herself and she hopes she is right. At her door, her father looks in and hesitates and suddenly she is sure this is wrong, she can’t hurt him. Then she spies today’s weapon in his hand, a copper pipe from the basement. When she began to heal more and more quickly from his rages, he came up with more severe ways to beat her. He steps forward and she decides she will give him one chance to save himself.  
“Why do you hate me?” She asks just loud enough for him to hear and he stands straighter and looks stunned like she was the one who hurt him.  
“You are a monster, that’s why.” He answers simply and brings up the pipe to hit her and she lets him get two strikes in. The first cracking her forearm when she blocks her face and the second across the back of her skull, then she lets all the rage, sadness and fear she has felt at his hands come forth and spill over her body. She heals almost instantly, something she has never done, then she clutches at her father’s arm and lets the currents of electricity like power flow from her and into her father. He seizes up in agony, but doesn’t make a sound as he first shakes and then falls to the ground in an unmoving heap.  
She doesn’t have to check him, she knows her power and how much she sent out. She has killed him.  
The next time she sees Clint is at her father’s funeral. She is alone in a crowd of family members that she does not know and none seem anxious to make her acquaintance anytime soon. He approaches her and pulls her into his arms tightly, murmuring ‘What did you do? What did you do?’  
“What I had to.” She sighs into his ear and he relaxes, understanding. They hold each other for a long while and Silver lets herself breath deeply the scent of him, her only home.  
“Where are you going to go?” Clint asks as they sit alone in the cemetery, long after everyone has gone. Silver shrugs.  
“Maybe one of those relatives will take me. I don’t know. It’ll work out though.” Silver says and she already knows she that none of her family want the burden of her, but she won’t worry Clint with that information. She will be sent to a foster home, the Children’s Services woman has already arranged it. In the morning she’ll be driven into the outskirts of the city to live with a family of six, an extra mouth likely not wanted, the extra paycheck the incentive. The lie comes easily though, and Clint nods.  
“How is your training going? Learn anything new?” Silver asks and Clint gives her a sidelong smile.  
“It’s coming along. Not a walk in the park you know, but I’m learning. Mostly I am doing shit jobs no one else wants to do. But they keep me fed and clothed and even a little change in my pocket, I can’t complain when I’m getting the training I dreamed of. Two years and I’ll be a skilled enough to…” Clint sighs letting his words trail off. Silver smiles at him. He has worked hard his whole life to get where he is. After his mother died, he was left with a father who didn’t think he’d amount to anything. How many times had Silver heard Barry call Clint stupid and worthless? But Clint never let it weigh him down and now he was slowly but surely making his dream come true.  
“I am so proud of you Clint. You’re going to go far, I just know it.” Silver says and he laughs.  
“You’ve been saying that since we were kids.” He says.  
“Yeah because it’s true.” Silver counters.  
“And what about you? What are you going to do? What are you going to be? You never say.” Clint asks.  
“That’s because I don’t know. I never liked to dream of anything, least my dad take it away. I’m not skilled like you. I’m just weird.” She tells him and he frowns, the seemingly natural state of his face.  
“You are so much more than weird, I wish I could show you what I see for a change.” He says softly and Silver leans into him as the sun begins to set.  
“We better get going. I borrowed a car from a friend to get here, I’ll give you a ride. Where am I taking you kid?” Clint asks rising to his feet.  
“Just take me to my dad’s house. They are letting me stay there for the night to get all packed.” She says sadly, Hating that she has to lie to him and hating even more that she has to say goodbye, she doesn’t want to see him leave.  
“You going to be okay alone? I could always stay with you.” Clint says and Silver shakes her head.  
“It’s okay, you have to get that car back to your friend and I’ve got packing to do.” Silver insists and Clint nods hesitantly.  
“But I will visit you soon okay? I’ll come to see the show and my hero in training.” Silver says with a grin.  
“You better, or I’ll come hunt you down.” Clint tells her as they climb into his borrowed car. When they reach the house she grew up in, she fights the urge to cry. If she cries, he won’t leave her and she needs him to leave, because she has no intention of going to any foster home.  
“I love you Barton, don’t you ever forget it.” She tells him as he pulls her into a tight hug.  
“Love you too kiddo. I could never forget.” He whispers before letting her go. A small smile is shared before he is driving away and she lets the smile slide from her face sadly.  
Inside she finishes packing her suitcase with the essentials. She spent the last few days scrounging around for anything valuable that she could sell or any spare cash her dad had left around. She had limited access to her own trust fund now that her father was gone, but it wasn’t much access.  
Two-hundred dollars a month wouldn’t take her very far. Inside her father’s closet she had found and promptly sold his collection of silver dollars along with the array of expensive suits and shoes earning herself only a small percentage of their worth, three-thousand dollars. Inside the small night stand that had belonged to her mother, Silver found a rolled up bundle of bills amounting to twelve-hundred dollars.  
Late that same night, Silver took a taxi to the bus station with her suitcase, backpack, and her bra padded with a little extra where she had sewn in pockets for her cash. She had seen too many movies where the kid is robbed of his hard earned cash early on through some means of stupidity, she hoped she was being a bit smarter, hiding most of her money close to her chest, literally. She kept a small amount of cash in her backpack to buy her ticket and food, but the rest would remain hidden until she needed it.  
At the station she got on the next bus leaving, no one giving her a second glance. Six and half hours later it was early morning in a newer, bigger city and she held her head up high as she made her way down a random street, lugging her suitcase behind her. Determined to show no fear, she walks with her head raised high and moves like she knows where she is going, however far that is from the truth.  
*****  
Silver wakes the next morning still tired, like her walk down memory lane last night had been an actual walk.


	8. New Loves and Other Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silver grows closer to Loki and Bucky and as their relationship progresses, others take note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very brief mentions of rape, torture and starvation. Mostly non-graphic.

Over the next few weeks, Loki and Bucky hardly leave her alone and she’s grateful for their company, it keeps her sane and grounded as she continues to be bombarded by dreams of her past every single night. Some of the memories are pleasant, but most, like her life, were not.

The two men slowly became more affectionate towards her. She couldn’t say exactly when it started, because maybe it had always been that way and she just hadn’t noticed, but she slowly too, came to accept the affection and return it. When Bucky lounged across her bed beside her and Loki, so easily, like that was the natural way of things, Silver had to reach out and touch them. She let her fingers smooth through Loki’s hair and he let his eyes close, reveling in the feel. She caressed Bucky’s real arm with her other hand, feeling the warmth of the soft skin beneath her fingers and sighed contentedly. It had been so long since she had felt the warmth of another person, one who wasn’t trying to break her down into nothing.  
Unbidden, she recalled her time in that facility where she had been the subject of cruel experiments. She had survived solely through the knowledge that she had to get out, get back to her loved ones.  
Some days were harder than others there. The days where she was left hanging from chains, naked and starved, weren’t the worse. She could lose herself in her thoughts those day, she could lull into something akin to sleep and forget at least for a moment where she was. The days they strapped her face down onto a table and slowly, meticulously peeled pieces of skin from her back, those days still haunted her. The pain had been horrific, but the coldly calculating way it was done made it worse, because she knew there was no pleading with these people. They didn’t see her as human, they saw her as something to study and when her usefulness wore down, something to discard.  
The days that they wished for her to speak, to answer questions were rare. She didn’t have anything she could tell them of use, she didn’t understand herself any more than they did. It didn’t stop them from trying by means of torture, to extract information she did not possess. They had her raped, of course they did. It was a man’s answer to breaking down a woman. Each time, a different, more brutal man appeared in her cell she wanted to laugh. She couldn’t tell them what she didn’t know. This was all for naught. She went away from herself then, when they straddled her body and tried to brutalize her in the most painful ways, she was far away. She thought of what her son might look like now. He would be school aged now, just starting kindergarten. She imagined his mop of messy blonde hair flopping as he ran to hug her before disappearing into his classroom. He would have been a beautiful boy.  
In the end, the most effective means of torture turned out to be starvation. Her body could withstand so much more than the average human, and they sought to see just how far they could push her until she gave out. Silver recalled the man who had secreted to her small bits of food when he could. If it wasn’t for his kindness, she may not have made it out of there. She felt a pang of sadness that she had not been able to save him when she brought down that facility. So uncontrolled was her rage, that she had caused the place to erupt into a molten inferno and she ran without looking back.  
“Hey Silver? You okay?” Bucky asked breaking Silver away from her thoughts and she startled and looked around, surprised not to find herself engulfed in flames. Loki was eying her with open concern and Bucky held her upper arm in his hand gently, his cool palm soothing against her heated skin.  
“You were crying.” Loki said.  
“And shaking, shaking the room.” Bucky added and Silver startled. It had been a long time since she had let herself get that emotional. Sweat coated her skin and the room felt much warmer than before, lucky the two men didn't seem to notice.  
“Sorry. I got lost in some bad memories. Sorry.” She repeated and she suddenly felt extremely thirsty and padded away from the bed to get a drink. When she drank her fill of water she looked back at the men on her bed and frowned, she had scared them.  
“Where I was before…That facility I mentioned?” She said and they nodded for her to continue.  
“They did some really bad stuff to me, things that are hard to forget.” She said and Bucky looked at her with understanding in his eyes. He had experienced similar, she knew some of it.  
“You made it through darling. Nothing they could throw at you stopped you. You made it.” Loki said and Silver looked at him wide-eyed. His words rang true to her, she had done the impossible, and she had survived what no one else could. She should feel proud and strong, after all, she was alive.  
Silver took a deep breath and went back to the bed and kissed Loki, surprising him. He kissed her back after recovering from his shock. She pulled away and kissed Bucky in turn, hoping that they could understand what she was trying to say to them without words, hoping they knew what a comfort they were to her. Bucky kissed her back deeply and Loki smoothed his hands down her back, easing her fears with small kisses between her shoulder blades. They told her without words in turn, that this was okay, that they understood.  
Hours later, Silver lay tangled beneath the sheets with the two of them, limbs intertwined, warmth mingling she let herself sleep easily for once.

Bruce had been on observation duty for the better part of the day. He mostly left Silver to her privacy, but as was his duty, he occasionally hit the button that opened the inner part of the two way mirror and checked in on her. Loki and Bucky had taken to haunting her room lately, and though that was a supervision of sorts, the group agreed that external observation was still for the best. There had been a spike, but it had been just a blip. When Bruce peeked in on Silver, she was crying and being soothed by Loki, which surprised Bruce. Near the end of his shift, an hour or so later, Bruce hit the button and looked in on Silver only to quickly flip the switch back and look away embarrassed. In just the quick flash, he saw too much. The three of them were clearly naked, clearly blind to anything but each other and clearly it was none of Bruce’s business. He went back to his tablet and pretended he saw nothing as he continued his work.  
“Hey Brucey, how goes it with Doomsday?” Tony asked from the doorway some several hours later and Bruce looked over at him with a sigh.  
“They are fine, it’s all fine.” Bruce said and Tony quirked an eyebrow.  
“They?” Tony asked and moved to hit the observation button.  
“Uh yeah, Bucky and Loki are in there with her again today but Tony, I would let them be for now.” Bruce said but his words only served to pique Tony’s curiosity as he pressed the observation button and his eyes widened in shock.  
“Well. I have seen all sorts of things, hell I have done all sorts of things but wow. That is not a trio I ever imagined.” Tony said looking in on Silver, Bucky and Loki all tangled together, kissing each other in turn.  
“Close that thing will you? Give them some privacy.” Bruce said irritably.  
“Uh Doc, you wanna tell me why you are okay with all this?” Tony asked closing the window.  
“Why shouldn’t I be? Why is it my business? They can do whatever they want. If it gives any one of them any kind of happiness, it’s great.” Bruce said honestly and Tony frowned.  
“We gotta tell the team.” Tony insisted.  
“This isn’t gossip that everyone needs to know Tony! Why does the team have to know what they do when they are alone?” Bruce asked.  
“Because we still don’t know if we can trust her.” Tony said.  
“Do what you want, my shift is over. Just do me a favor, and leave them be for now. They all deserve at least that.” Bruce said and left Tony alone in the observation room. Tony sighed and pressed the button, closing the window once more.

“That was definitely different.” Bucky said in a low voice as he tried to discern whose fingers were curled around his thigh. He smiled to himself as he realized they were Loki’s long cool digits. Silver was pressed against his chest and Loki, draped over her back, the three of them in a comfortable tangle.  
“Very different.” Loki mumbled into Silver’s hair and she simply sighed in contentment and wrapped herself tighter around Bucky.  
“Uh attention, Captain on deck, so cover your goodies please.” Tony’s voice announced over the com as the airlock doors were slid open. Bucky made no move to untangle himself and neither did Silver or Loki. Someone cleared their throat and Bucky glanced up to see Steve looking down at them apprehensively.  
“You just gonna stare at us all day pal? Or maybe you could give us a minute to get decent.” Bucky said irritably. He knew that look Steve was giving him right now, he had worn it many times when Bucky had come home drunk late at night or gotten himself into trouble of some kind.  
Silver refused to look up, knowing Steve was in her presence made her heart ache and she didn’t want to feel that, not right now when she was feeling so good for once. She curled into Bucky, hiding her face, and Loki covered her protectively as she tensed.  
“Meet me outside in two minutes.” Steve said and turned on his heel, the airlocks closing behind him. Loki began to laugh lightly which soon turned to a mad cackle that Silver added her tinkling laughter to. Soon they three were laughing so hard they couldn’t catch their breath. Silver shook between the two men, unable to stop laughing.  
“It seems were are going to get a stern talking to!” Loki wheezed between laughter.  
“This should be good.” Bucky said and pulled himself from bed and searched around the room for his discarded pants. Silver tugged a sheet over her nude form and Loki began tickling his hand down her side and she giggled.  
“Hey! You two behave till I get back!” Bucky said with a charismatic smile and they both laughed.  
“No promises from me.” Loki said and Silver flopped over onto her back laughing, such a joyful sound that Bucky didn’t want to leave. He sighed and pressed his palm to the lock pad and the doors slid open.  
“What?” Bucky said once he was alone in the corridor with Steve, who gave him a disappointed look.  
“Bucky, man what are you doing? I expect this from him after that stunt he pulled last month, but you should know better. She could be dangerous and you are well aware of that!” Steve said.  
“We are all dangerous pal, what makes her the exception? Besides, since when is it your business who I share my bed with?” Bucky bit back.  
“Bed’s a little crowded wouldn’t you say?” Steve said sarcastically and Bucky tenses, ready to strike his best friend.  
“Steve I am trying really hard not to hit you in the jaw right now, but if you say one word about me sharing a bed with another guy, I am going to bring some serious hurt.” Bucky said teeth clenched and Steve shook his head.  
“You know I don’t give a damn if you’re with a man or woman! What? You thought I never noticed back in our time when you would sneak off with a guy instead of the pretty girl you were chatting up all night? I don’t care Bucky. I never have. It’s that they are dangerous! Both of them, but her more than anything. We still know next to nothing about her, other than what she has told us. I’m sorry but I am just not comfortable with it.” Steve said as if his word was final.  
“Well luckily I am comfortable with such a wide array of things, that I don’t give a shit if you are comfortable with it. I feel alive right now Steve! Not just fucking surviving each day, I am living when I am with them. I am happy! I won’t let you or anyone try and take that from me. From us.” Bucky said and Steve frowned at his best friend sadly. He knew the struggle Bucky faced each and every day. Depression and sadness crept into every corner of Bucky’s day until he shut down and wouldn’t speak. Steve had to admit that since Bucky had met Silver, a change had come over him.  
“I am not trying to take anything from you Bucky. I just want you to be careful with this one. It isn’t likely to lead anywhere good.” Steve said and left Bucky alone in the corridor. When Bucky went back to through the airlock doors he tried to let his anger dissipate before he faced his lovers once more.  
Silver was wrapping Loki in a sheet so that he could not move his arms or legs when Bucky returned.  
“Ah! So what is the verdict? Are we to never see each other again, upon pain of death?” Loki said smiling widely as Silver tucked the corners of the sheet beneath his body. Silver had garbed herself in Bucky’s discarded tee shirt, and as far as Bucky could tell, Loki was still naked beneath the sheet.  
“There! A Loki burrito!” Silver said triumphantly, her mess of waves spilling into her eyes.  
“I thought I was a cocoon.” Loki said in a monotone still watching Bucky expectantly.  
“You’re a burrito.” Silver insisted, looking at Bucky too.  
“Steve thinks it’s a bad idea for me to be involved with either of you, as you are both potentially dangerous and no good can come of it, his words not mine.” Bucky said laying across the bed, using Loki’s mid-section as a pillow.  
“I promise not to become dangerous if you choose to not see me anymore.” Silver promised, lounging against Loki as well, running her finger along the jagged skin of Bucky’s shoulder, where his flesh met with metal.  
“Not me, hell hath no fury like Loki scorned, remember that!” Loki said dramatically and Silver giggled because there was something distinctly non-fearful about a Loki burrito.  
“Attention nude folk, a meeting is being held in your honor in a few hours. You guys should probably be there and preferably in clothing.” Tony said over the com and Bucky grinned mischievously at Silver and then eyed Loki hungrily.  
“A few hours is plenty of time to unwrap this burrito.” Silver said and Bucky laughed and rolled over to wrap his arms around Silver.  
“I’m a cocoon!” Loki insisted as he wriggled beneath the sheet.

The meeting that Silver, Bucky and Loki had been kindly asked to attend, took place in the smaller of the meeting rooms and consisted of Steve, Thor, Natasha and Bruce. Silver knew why each member was included and took her seat silently opposite Bruce. He had a comforting effect on Silver and she assumed that was his purpose here. Aside from Bucky and Loki, he was the only friend she had here. She wished the others remembered that she loved them. Bruce believed, even if he didn’t remember.  
“We want you to know that we are in no way trying to dictate whom you see on a personal level.” Bruce began and Silver nodded. She was surprised that she was being given access to this meeting at all, let alone being acknowledged.  
“But we fear for each of you should this progress.” Thor said in turn and Loki scoffed, crossing his arms petulantly.  
“Listen, before you all get worked up into why we are making a mistake, let me remind you that we are all adults.” Bucky said tersely.  
“We aren’t trying to be patronizing Buck, we care about you two. We only want to be sure that you won’t be hurt, this is an unstable situation with an unknown variable. One wrong move and all of our lives could be in jeopardy.” Steve said carefully and Silver bowed her head as he spoke. She felt like dirt, and she wanted to crawl away somewhere and cry. Hearing Steve speak about her like she was a thing, and not a person…it cut deeply.  
“She is right here you imbecile! Don’t speak of her like she hasn’t the brain to process what is being said about her.” Loki hissed venomously and Steve looked taken aback, he clearly had not realized that his words were degrading to Silver.  
“I…Silver, I am sorry. I meant no disrespect Silver.” Steve said but Silver’s head felt like it was twenty pounds heavier and she couldn’t bring herself to lift it. It was hard enough for her to be in Steve’s presence, this was harder still. Bucky rubbed her shoulder soothingly, Loki kept a protective hand at the base of her skull, massaging gently.  
“I think that having two members of our team exposed and vulnerable in the presence of a prisoner, defeats the purpose.” Natasha said and both Bucky and Loki turned their acid glares to her.  
“Therefore, I think it is fitting if they are given quarters of their own to share. She will be just as well guarded with the two of them in the comfort and privacy of their own apartment as she is in the Smash room, living under a microscope like some test subject.” Natasha concluded and Silver couldn’t believe what she was hearing at first.  
“You’re serious? This is your solution Nat?” Steve said in an urgent whisper.  
“I’m serious, what other option is there? To keep her locked up like a prisoner? She is more likely to snap that way. She has done nothing but help. Maybe it’s a ploy, maybe not. But I say we risk it.” Natasha said and Thor nodded.  
“Silver?” Bruce asked and she slowly lifted her head to him.  
“None of this matters if you don’t want it. An argument could be made that if we are willing to give the three of you an apartment, that you should just be given a place of your own.” Bruce said.  
“I don’t need that argument Bruce. If these guys approve, I would very much like to live with them.” Silver said and Loki whispered to her- “Of course darling.” And Bucky nodded in approval.  
“Wonderful! I think this is the best resolution this could have come to!” Thor said pleased and Silver felt her heart warm at Thor’s cheerful presence. This was the Thor she had once loved, this was the man with whom she had created a child. He would always be something special to her, he would always make her feel a certain kind of way.  
She smiled at him warmly and he returned it genuinely.  
“We will get everything set up for you guys then, you should be able to move in by the morning.” Bruce said and Silver gave him a grateful smile and then hugged him, unable to resist. He gave a surprised huff but hugged her back sincerely. She looked to Natasha. The woman kept a guarded face, but she met Silver’s eyes and nodded.  
“Turned out better than I thought!” Bucky said as Steve approached and pulled him aside.  
“Bucky, just please tread carefully here.” Steve said gently and Bucky sighed and turned away.  
*  
*  
The first night in their new apartment Silver dreams about the first place she had on her own, the little shit hole that it had been.


	9. New Starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silver recalls her new start after leaving her childhood home following the death of her father.

*****  
“Where you from kid? I know it ain’t here.” Chuck, her boss asks Silver some three months into her working for him.  
“Nowhere that I want to go back to.” She told him. When she first arrived here, she wandered for a few days staying in cheap motels that still took much of her cash until she found a supposed nicely furnished city apartment for rent. The apartment turned out to be a shack at the back of a larger property. It was a studio and consisted of a futon bed, a folding table with two patio chairs, a mini fridge and a hot plate to cook with. The bathroom was tiny and had a small shower stall instead of a tub. The rent was overpriced but the trashy woman who rented it to her didn’t ask any questions about her or even require an application so Silver settled.  
Her next task had been to find a job that would pay the rent before her meager cash stash ran out. This task turned out to be harder than the apartment. No one wanted to hire a sixteen year old with no experience and a preference for cash payment.  
She was afraid that Child Services would somehow track her down and send her off to that foster home. She had been through a hundred establishments seeking work when she felt close to giving up.  
The sun had set a while ago and the most of the businesses were already closing up. Silver knew she was going to have to call it a day when she decided to stop into this small greasy spoon sort of diner and to treat herself to a real dinner. She had been eating sparsely in order to conserve cash, but she was hungry from the long day of rejection.  
The diner was run by a man in his mid-forties, handsome and rugged looking with tan skin and hazel brown eyes. His strong muscled body a clue that he had not always been in the food service industry. He strode over to her table with a barely perceptible limp and gave her a small quirk of his lips that she supposed was his best version of a smile.  
“What can I get you kid?” He asked softly, his voice gentler than she expected and she gave him a warm smile in return. He called her kid and it reminded her of Clint, she missed him so bad it hurt to think about him.  
“I’ll have today’s special please, with a sweet tea to drink.” She said and he nodded, brown calloused hand tapping the table in acknowledgment.  
“Be out in few, sit tight kid.” He said rapping his knuckles on the table before leaving her to her thoughts. She tried to smooth her hair away from her face, the humidity here causing her usually manageable hair to frizz and curl.  
Silver watched the man through the small window into the kitchen as he moved back and forth, preparing her food and she realized that he was the only one running the place. She smiled at him again when he set her sweet tea in front of her and thanked him as he disappeared back into the kitchen.  
When he returned again, he carried one-handed a tray of food. He sat a bowl of broccoli soup in front of her and next a heaping plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans with a small plate of rolls.  
“Wow this looks good!” She told him happily and he gave her a half-smile that made the fine lines around his eye crinkle Silver got the impression that he did not smile very often.  
“Yeah well you looked half-starved walking in here.” He told her, eying her wearily like she might run out on him and she felt herself shaking her head profusely.  
“No sir, just a long day. I have money for my food, I will pay you now if you like.” She insisted wide eyed, fumbling for her small purse. She had not had it as bad as having to steal yet and she hoped to remain that way. The man laughed softly and shook his head dismissively.  
“I didn’t mean it like that, sorry. You enjoy your food kid, pay me when you’re done.” He told her and left her to eat. Silver ate her soup slowly, not wanting to look like the starving urchin the man thought she was. She glanced around the empty diner and wondered if the man was the only one working because it was late or if he simply did it on his own all the time. She ate the rest of her food in silence and when the man brought around her check and refilled her tea she cleared her throat.  
“Sir, you wouldn’t by any chance be hiring would you?” She asked nervously as she picked through her small purse for cash. She should be used to the rejection by now, she had heard ‘No’ so many times today, it might as well be her name.  
He gave her an appraising look and she tried to look him in the eye and exude confidence, but she doubted thats what he saw. The man sighed taking a seat in the booth seat opposite her.  
“You got any experience?” He asked folding his hands in front of him. Face to face with him, he seemed even larger, his shoulders broad and his arms thick. Silver shook her head.  
“I am a really fast learner though and I swear I will work hard. I don’t ever complain and you won’t have to keep telling me what to do.” Silver said quickly before he said ‘No’ just like everyone else. He stared at her dead on, as if trying to decipher something about her. She stared back, letting herself examine the honey color of his eyes that contrasted so pleasantly with the brown of his skin. Something about this man made Silver feel at safe and warm and she really hoped he gave her a job.  
“Okay kid. I’ll give you a shot. What’s your name?” He said with another half-smile and she knew that he was usually sparing with his smiles because the small one he let slip were genuine.  
“I’m Silver.” She said with a grin. She was bursting from excitement, but she didn’t want to seem like a giddy teenager.  
“Silver huh? Named for those eyes?” Most people didn’t see the silver swirls in her eyes, her namesake.  
“Silver, I’m Charles Aveyard, but everyone just calls me Chuck.” He said evenly and Silver looked down.  
“Nice to meet you Chuck, and thank you very much for this chance.” Silver said and Chuck nodded and shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing, like he hadn’t just saved her.  
“Come back first thing in the morning and I will get you trained and ready to go. Wear some comfortable shoes, you’ll be on your feet all day and clothes you don’t mind getting stained. I’m not big on uniforms anymore. So as long as you can work in it, you can wear it.” Chuck told her and she nodded and handed Chuck her money. He shook his head at her and pushed her hand away gently.  
“It’s on me today kid. I been looking for someone to help out around here, then you come walking in looking like the world’s been beating you with a stick, but still manage a real smile. I think that says a lot about a person. You take your time finishing up, let me know if you want dessert.” He said and she smiled again and he got up and disappeared into the kitchen with a wave.  
Silver felt like bouncing with excitement when she left. After a slice of lemon meringue pie, she practically skipped home. Halfway to her shack, she realized she was being followed. A skinny, shaggy gray mutt trotted behind her, tongue lolling out of his mouth. She stopped and turned and the dog walked up to her and sat, offering her his paw. She laughed and shook it, petting the good boy.  
“You hungry buddy? Let’s see if I can find you something.” She said and when she patted her thigh, he followed her happily. She stopped at the corner store near her shack and bought an overpriced bag of kibble and carried it home as the dog circled her excitedly. At her shack she found two old bowls for him, filled one with kibble and one with water and sat it outside the front door. The dog ate gratefully and she sat with him, petting his furry head.  
“I know the feeling fella.” She told him and searched for a collar. She didn’t expect to find one, the dog clearly had been on the streets for a while. When he finished up his kibble he rested his head in her lap contentedly.  
“Okay boy, if you’re going to stay with me, you are going to need a bath. We may be next to homeless, but we won’t smell like it okay?” She said and he looked up at her questioning.  
He proved to surprisingly cooperative when she corralled him into the shower stall and scrubbed him with her own shampoo. He sat patiently as she rinsed and then conditioned his shaggy fur. She dried him and snipped away at his matted sections of fur, before she hand combed the rest. When he was fresh and clean she let him onto her futon with her and she rubbed his belly.  
“What should I call you huh?” She said as he rolled over happily. His eyes were bright blue with spots of black that reminded her of something she saw in astronomy class.  
“Cosmo? I think you look like a Cosmo.” She said and tried the name a few times and he tilted his head, as if understanding.  
“Bed time Cosmo, I have an early morning.” She said and collapsed back into the lumpy futon, Cosmo curled up beside her.

“That damn dog follow you everywhere?” Chuck asked. She’d been working for him for three months now and he never asked much about her, letting her offer up what info she would.  
“Yup, Cosmo’s my second best friend.” Silver said with a smile.  
“So who is numero uno?” Chuck asked petting Cosmo down his spine, crouching beside Silver.  
“That would be Clint. Clint is traveling with a circus or something, but he’ll come visit me when he gets a chance. I write to him when I can pinpoint where he is.” She said petting Cosmo outside the diner after they closed for the night while Chuck had a smoke break. She had written to Clint every week and had not received any replies, but she knew how busy he was.  
“Circus huh? What’s he do there?” Chuck asked indulgently, shaking his ink black hair away from his face.  
“He’s kind of does a little of everything, but I think he mostly does the grunt work right now.” Silver says and wonders what Clint is doing right now.  
“Everyone has got to start somewhere right?” Chuck says with one of his signature half-smiles.  
“That’s true, but he’s going to be something someday. When you meet him you’ll see. He is smart and brave and quick.” Silver said.  
“You’ve got some potential yourself kid, don’t forget it.” Chuck says dropping his cigarette and stomping it as Silver shrugged at his words. She knows she doesn’t have much going for her, but opts to stay silent.  
“You need a ride home kid? It’s kinda late now. Didn’t realize cleanup took so long.” He says as Silver gets to her feet and calls Cosmo to her. Chuck lives behind the diner, so it would be out of the way.  
“No, it’s okay. I got Cosmo to protect me.” Silver says easily.  
“Nah, it’s dark and dangerous for a young kid and her dog. I’ll get the truck. It’s no problem.” Chuck says and Silver shrugs, waiting with Cosmo as Chuck goes to get his truck. She helps Cosmo into the back cab of the truck and climbs into the front seat.  
“Cosmo couldn’t sit in the bed of the truck?” Chuck jokes.  
“He might fall out! He is a little clumsy.” Silver says covering Cosmo’s ears so he doesn’t hear her talking about him and Chuck laughs.  
“So where do you live kid? I don’t even know how far you come from each day.” Chuck says  
“Not too far, behind that plantation down there.” She points and directs him to the alley that leads to her shack.  
“This is where you been staying kid? Does it even have electricity?” Chuck says eyes narrowed.  
“Yes it has electricity! Just no air conditioning and…Well it’s missing a lot of stuff, but it’s the best I can do right now. Plus they don’t care if I have Cosmo.” She says, she doesn’t say that they renter didn’t ask any questions or make her fill out any applications.  
Chuck shakes his head and sighs at the darkly shadowed shack. He is quiet for a minute or two and Silver feels like he might be upset with her when he sigh deeply again.  
“Look kid, I got a basement room you can have. It’s not much, but you’ll be safe and properly sheltered. It even has air conditioning and cable. You’ll have your own bathroom and outside access, you just have to share the kitchen with me, but you do that all day at work with me anyway.” Chuck says and Silver shakes her head.  
“I can’t do that, it’s too much Chuck. I won’t take advantage of your kindness. You’ve already done so much for me.” Silver says shaking her head profusely and Chuck laughs out loud, startling Cosmo who barks in response.  
“Believe me, no one takes advantage of me kid. I want to do this. You can even keep Cosmo with you, he’s a good dog.” Chuck says ruffling Cosmos fur and the dog leans in to Chuck’s touch.  
“You sure? I will pay you the rent I pay here. Or you can just keep it from my pay.” Silver says and she is excited for the prospect of getting away from this place, she hates it so much but she doesn’t want Chuck feeling sorry for her so she tries to be cool about it.  
“I’m sure. C’mon, let’s get all your stuff right now. I hate to see you spend even one more night here in this mess. And don’t worry about rent, save your money. You aren’t putting me out.” He says turning off the engine of the truck and climbing down to help her gather her things.  
Inside her few possessions are neatly placed around to make the place feel like home. The futon is covered in the soft quilt she found in the thrift shop and her suitcase serves as storage for her clothing, which makes it easy to pack.  
“I don’t need anything from the kitchen.” She says pointing to the area that houses the mini-fridge and hotplate and Chuck snorts and shakes his head. He folds up her quilt neatly and stuffs it into her suitcase as she piles her bathroom supplies into her backpack. It takes all of ten minutes to pack up and clean out the small shack and Silver sighs in relief when she flicks the lights off and Chuck drives her to the front house to leave her key for the owner. The woman opens the door and sneers at Silver.  
“What do you want? I don’t do service repairs at night.” She says and Silver scoffs, like there had ever been any service repairs done to that shit hole.  
“I just came to return my key, I won’t be staying here anymore.” Silver said handing the woman her key. The woman gives Chuck an appraising look and laughs.  
“Got yourself a sugar daddy huh? Well handsome, you are welcome back here anytime.” She tells Chuck.  
“You’re repulsive, and you’re lucky I don’t report you.” Chuck says and turns on his heel to leave and Silver follows.  
“I don’t know how you dealt with that woman. She makes me feel like I need a shower.” Chuck says when they are back in his truck.  
“Yeah, I took what I could get but she is really gross, I know what you mean.” Silver agrees and Cosmo barks like he is part of the conversation.  
The drive back to his place is comfortably quiet and Silver pets Cosmo absently. When they get back to the diner, Chuck pulls his car around the back and Silver eyes the small house behind the diner with interest. She had been inside Chuck’s house a time or two, fetching this or that for the diner, but now it was going to be her home.  
Chuck let Silver pull Cosmo inside and he dragged her suitcase behind her. Silver looked around with interest, they came in through a sort of mud room occupied by a coat rack and rustic looking wooden crates covered with a blanket serving as a bench where a pair of old boots sat neatly beside.  
“So I do have a guest bedroom but…” He trailed off leading her to the guest room to see for herself. A weight bench took up most of the room, which wasn’t very big to start. A twin bed was pushed to one side of the wall and when Silver sat on it, it screamed in protest, ancient coils trying to stab through to her.  
“Yeah…” Silver began, not wanting to sound ungrateful.  
“It’s not exactly fit for a lady, I know. But I do have a basement room probably needs some cleaning but it’ll suit you better than this. Plus you’ll have privacy.” Chuck said scratching his head as he gestured for Silver to follow him to the basement. Silver trails behind him, taking in the sparse decor and neat furniture of the living room as the pass. A few framed photos grace the walls as they pass through the dining room to the kitchen and Silver smiles at the one of a younger Chuck dressed in an Army uniform.  
Silver immediately feels at home. The place even has a comforting, warm scent that reminds her of Christmas. When he shows her down to the basement just through the kitchen, there is a full sized bed with an old metal frame that Silver finds charming. The mattress is bare of any linens and Chuck says he will bring her down some sheets as she gets acquainted. The basement is roomy and covered with thick shaggy red carpet that didn’t look too bad for as old as it probably was. The walls are papered in an ivy and floral pattern that Silver loves for no reason. There is a bathroom that puts the stall she had before to shame and she bounces excitedly at the sight of the actual bathtub. She has missed taking baths.  
When Chuck returns with sheets, he helps her dress the bed and then sighs.  
“Well kiddo, I will leave you to it. Sometime this week we can go by some rummage sales and see if we can’t find you some furniture, but it’s got the basics for now.” Chuck told her and she can’t help the rush of emotion as she darts over to him and hugs him tightly, feeling safe and secure for the first time in a while. He hesitantly hugs her back, clearly uneasy with the emotions of a teenage girl. She tries not to cry, least she make him more uncomfortable as he pats her back gently.  
“You’re a good kid, life’s going to get better for you, and I’ll make sure of it. No one is going to hurt you again, you hear me? Not in any way.” Chuck says softly before leaving Silver alone in her new room. Silver doesn’t know what a good father looks like, because her dad and Clint’s dad had both been bad men. But she thinks if she had to choose one, it would probably be Chuck. No one has ever made her feel safe and wanted this way before, not even Clint.  
Four months later, Chuck proves to Silver that he is a man of his word and adopts her, officially becoming her father.  
She is from there on out, Silver Lane Aveyard. Her old life behind her.


	10. Domestic Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki loses his temper, Silver does too. Bucky calms them down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic M/M/F sex this chapter.

“So where is Chuck now?” Bucky asks and Silver frowns. Chuck wasn’t something she wanted to touch on with them just yet. She trusted them both explicitly, but it wasn’t trust that made her hesitate. How she had protected Chuck was just a little hard to talk about.  
“Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to talk about this anymore if you don’t want to.” He assures her. Loki looks over at her curiously, sensing that she is withholding something, but doesn’t press just yet.  
“So Barton just left you then? To fend for yourself?” Loki says later as they are watching a movie.  
“No, he just had to make his own way too. He came back eventually. And I had to do things on my own.” Silver insisted and Bucky gave her an indulgent smile while Loki shook his head in annoyance.  
“You are aware that you are very defensive of him. I can only imagine how annoyingly intensified this must have been when he acknowledged your existence.” Loki says and Bucky gives him a warning look.  
“Oh? Something you’d like to say? Should I begin tiptoeing now Barnes?” Loki asks lightly and Silver sits up at Loki’s use of Bucky’s surname.  
“You are being a prick Loki and you know it. Let’s just finish the movie.” Bucky says evenly.  
“No, no, no. If I am being a prick, as you so eloquently stated, I demand to know what it is you think I’ve done. Silver darling, did you find offense in my words?” Loki says and Silver looks at him tiredly.  
“Loki…” Silver begins but Bucky interrupts her.  
“Don’t. Loki just fucking don’t. Not tonight. You antagonize because it’s the only way you know how to be, but you don’t have to be that way. Not with us. We love you, whether you fucking like it or not.” Bucky says, his frustration evident.  
“I am what I have been made to be. No one asked you to ‘Love’ me as you say you do.” Loki says.  
“Why does Barton still merit your love? He doesn’t deserve it! He hates you with everything that he is! Yet we will never hold a candle to him will we?” Loki demands of Silver and she stands this time feeling the cold wash of anger tingle through her body.  
“Love is not fucking contingent on the other person loving you back! You should know this. You should also know that I love you uniquely. I could never love someone else in the same way as you. Or you Bucky. Will I stop loving you if you don’t love me? No! Because that isn’t the way this works! Don’t you think I would stop loving him if I could? Don’t you think it would hurt less if I didn’t love him? But I just can’t!” Silver says angrily and it is the first time they have seen her lose her temper.  
She doesn’t lose control, she isn’t stupid enough to let that ever happen again. But she is livid. She understands that Loki has trouble feeling loved, believing that he is loved. She knows because she is often the same. He doesn’t however, get to make her feel this way. She isn’t weak for loving the way she does.  
Loki sneers, his face a mask of contempt and he turns, likely to storm dramatically from the room as he is wont to do. Bucky catches him by his upper arm and pushes him against the door, trapping him with his body.  
“Take your hands from me Barnes, I am not in a mood to be toyed with.” Loki says venomously and Bucky only presses closer to Loki, calmly closing the space between them. Silver watches in fearful anticipation, praying this doesn’t come to blows. When Bucky’s face is only an inch away from Loki’s and Loki makes no move to escape him, Silver steps back. Bucky lightly kisses Loki then, his lips sliding softly over the other man’s. Loki hesitates, his mind at war with himself. He wants to fight, but more than anything he wants love and he knows that is what Silver and Bucky offer him, always.  
Bucky slowly deepens the kiss and Loki finally gives in and the tension leaves his body as he presses back against Bucky’s lips, returning the kiss. Bucky is relentless until they must come up for air.  
“James.” Loki breaths out the name like a prayer and Bucky is diving in again to devour Loki.  
Silver watches raptly as the men take each other apart bit by bit, till their emotions and bodies are laid bare for her eyes. Bucky lets Loki wrestle him to the couch, needing to feel in control after letting his emotions get the better of him. It doesn’t matter that Bucky’s body is a powerfully massive form, solid muscle working beneath scarred but silky skin. Loki holds him down and Bucky stays, hips canting desperately.  
Bucky is pliant for him, not willing to push him so much as an inch further than he wants just now. So Loki carefully licks his way into Bucky’s mouth, then trails kisses down the other man’s torso in a way that is very tender and very unlike Loki. When his lips brush the scarred flesh that meets metal, Bucky’s eyes close so trustingly that Silver feels tears fill her eyes. Bucky is completely under Loki’s spell, lost in the sensation of the other man’s lips on his skin. Their clothing is shed and Silver watches enraptured by the beautiful men before her. Loki’s figure, though lithe is athletic and just as powerful as Bucky’s mass. Silver wants to pinch the globe of his ass, see the pale skin turn pink.  
“Please Loki.” Bucky begs and Loki has his long fingers wrapped around the length of Bucky’s cock.  
“Are you watching Darling?” Loki asks and Silver nods, knowing he is speaking to her, even though he doesn’t take his eyes off Bucky who writhes helplessly beneath him. When Loki guides his own length to Bucky’s entrance Silver leans forward and kisses Bucky as he moans into her mouth wantonly.  
“Are you sopping Darling? Touch yourself for us. I want to see it.” Loki breaths out as he snaps his hips into Bucky, a little gasp escapes Silver’s lips as she slides her fingers beneath her panties and does as she’s told.  
“Why don’t you make use of Sargent Barnes’ lovely mouth hmm?” Loki says and Bucky is nodding profusely.  
Loki pulls Silver by the hand to join them, she accepts his kisses as an apology as she struggles with her clothing. She carefully straddles Bucky’s face and Loki wraps his arm around her for support as she lowers her cunt to Bucky’s mouth. He moans against her and attacks her flesh with his tongue eagerly.  
“Look at you two. You are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.” Loki says as he makes Bucky cry out with a well aimed thrust. When Bucky’s teeth graze Silver’s clit and his tongue presses against her hard, she comes in an instant hoping Loki will keep her steady as she blinded by the pleasure. When she regains her senses she slips off Bucky to the floor to watch them finish and it is a beautiful sight. Loki slamming into Bucky, holding him down by his chest as Bucky thrashes uncontrollably as he orgasms. Loki doesn’t finish until Bucky has already gone limp beneath him, hissing as Bucky tightens around him before spilling inside the man. When they are able to move again, they join Silver on the floor, sweaty skin pressing in on her from each side.

“We are brutes Silver darling, but we love you. It hurts me how much I love you, how much I love you both. I don’t like it. It frightens me and I don’t like to be frightened.” Loki says in a fevered whisper that both of them can hear. Bucky smooths the hair from Loki’s face and lavishes kisses to his eyes, his cheeks, his lips.


	11. Loss of Innocence

Silver had been gradually granted more freedom and even though she hardly wanted to leave the apartment that she shared with Loki and Bucky, it was nice that she had the option now. Someone usually accompanied her and she pretended that it was because they enjoyed her company but she knew that they still watched her like a hawk. Bucky gathered her for dinner tonight in the mess, she knew he missed talking to Steve when they were apart for too long and she tried not to be jealous.  
She sat beside Bruce at dinner, Bucky was talking to Steve off near the balcony. Loki had trouble tolerating the group sometimes so he opted to stay in the apartment. Silver enjoyed dinners with everyone even if no one really spoke to her aside from Bruce and occasionally Natasha.  
Watching without seeming to be watching, Silver observed Clint with his wife and children. It was the first time he had brought them to dinner while she was around and she was determined not to make him uncomfortable. The boy seemed to be older, but not by much as the girl was nearly of the same height as him. Clint’s wife, Laura could barely stand on her own, so huge was her pregnant belly. She wondered if the baby was a boy or girl. She wondered if Clint would be mad if she asked. Clint seemed to be every bit the wonderful father she always knew he’d be. Laughing with his little girl as she shared her chicken nuggets with him. Laura watched them dotingly, her eyes darting to Silver every so often, offering a quick smile before Clint noticed.  
Unbidden, memories of her own pregnancy came flooding back to her.  
****  
Silver often woke in the middle of the night with her skin feeling like it was burning up and her body covered in sweat now that she was heavily pregnant and nothing but the night air would cool her. She kicked the covers away from her legs and struggled to a sitting position and gasped as the baby inside her rolled. Thor beside her in bed snored, ever the solid sleeper. She took a leisure moment to admire the beauty of the man she loved. There was no finer specimen in her eyes than him. His long blonde hair was in messy waves around him, spilling down the expanse of his broad shoulders. He slept in the nude and only a tangled sheet kept his bare butt from being exposed, not that he would care. Modesty had never been a trait of the Thunder God.  
Sliding from the bed carefully, although there was no need. She would not wake Thor unless she jumped on him, and that wasn’t going to happen in her current condition. She tugged down her night dress and placed a bracing hand at her hip and the heavy weight of her belly wasn’t so much a burden. Her bare feet were silent against the cold marble floors as she padded towards the veranda door.  
Thor sighed loudly from bed as the cool night air washed over him before Silver silently slipped outside and closed the door behind her. The night was cool and clear, the moon brightly visible, washing her in its glow making her thin pink night dress sheer. The city was sleeping, it’s bright lights softly glowing from a distance as Silver looked down from the edge. The fountain gurgled softly from the center of the expansive courtyard, her and Thor’s private balcony. The place was a small oasis, plants and greenery all around her, her reprieve from the concrete fortress around her.  
Silver closed her eyes a moment and breathed deeply the scent of flowers and herbs around her in the dark. A light mist of rain was falling, sitting lightly on her skin before evaporating, not enough to slick the concrete beneath her feet.  
A purposeful crack of knuckles alerted her that she was not alone and she turned to where she knew she would find her hawk perched. The balcony ledge that led to a hidden escape ladder was where she found Clint, most of him hidden until he turned his face to her and slipped down off the ledge letting the moon light him up. Silver smiled and he strode over to her and wrapped a protective arm around her. He had taken to haunting her balcony recently, an extra measure of protection while she was in such a vulnerable condition and the threat of attack still possible. His forearms were damp from the mist, his hair in messy spikes where he had run his fingers through it anxiously as he often did.  
“You on fire again?” Clint asked jokingly, his hand feeling the heat on her skin that sometimes overwhelmed her.  
“Burning up. But I feel better now. It’s a beautiful night.” She said and Clint nodded.  
“October was always your favorite.” He said looking off in the distance.  
“You getting any sleep Clint? You can’t watch my back all the time you know. You have to take care of yourself too.” She scolded and he laughed.  
“I get enough sleep, more than you probably.” He insisted and she laughed this time. This pregnancy had not been easy by any measure. Carrying the child of a demigod was taking its toll on her. She hardly slept and when she did, she felt like she was on fire, or being deprived of air. The child was strong and needed all she could give him.  
“He’s going to be one strong boy that’s for sure.” Silver said and Clint gave a tight smile. He had difficulties hiding the disdain he felt with her body being put through so much these past months and she felt the old argument coming up again.  
“Wish we would have known just how strong the kid would be to start with, Thor should have made mention of it to begin with.” Clint said bitterly and Silver sighed.  
“Knowing would not have changed anything and you know it. I would have still chosen to be with Thor and all it entailed. C’mon Clint. This conversation is getting old, there is nothing we can do now but prepare. He’ll be here soon, look at me, I can’t get any bigger.” Silver said and Clint was looking at her, not her belly, but her.  
“What if you hadn’t been special?” Clint asked defiantly.  
“Then I would not even have Thor, I would have been dead a long time ago and you know it. My dad would have killed me when I was a kid.” Silver said and Clint’s frown slackened into a sad smile.  
“Sorry sorry. I don’t know why I bring this kind of shit up. I guess I just worry.” Clint said and Silver pulled him into an awkward hug, her belly pressing against him as his long arms wrapped around her. She breathed in the scent of him, unadorned and manly, but clean and fresh. Lemony like the soap he used with a bit of aftershave and a little sweet like the butterscotch candy he always sucked on.  
“Clint I’m scared enough, you really think I have not gone over and over all the shit that can go wrong?” She mumbled and he held her closer.  
“Nothing is going to go wrong. Don’t worry. You are too strong. You’ll out live us all. Well maybe not Thor.” Clint joked and she shoved him away with a laugh, then an explosion lit up the night, the force sending her stumbling back a few steps.  
“Oh my god!” She said as Clint pulled her behind him protectively.  
“Go back inside and hit the alarms. I’m going down to see what happened.” Clint told her and she nodded as he leapt over the railing and disappeared into the dark. Silver padded her way back to the door nervously.  
“Well that was very easy. Thought the archer would never leave.” A venomous voice called from behind her. Suren stood alone yards away from Silver, her long white braids of hair that nearly reached the ground fluttering in the wind. She was dressed in her full battle armor, complete with her lance on her back and ax at her hip. The stinger bolts she kept on her forearms shined menacingly.  
Silver backed away and she turned just as she was impaled by one of Suren’s stingers. It hit her right between the breasts and went through her back before she yanked it out and Silver clamored for the veranda door, to alert Thor and the others. The burning of the stinger’s venom was spreading making her limbs move slowly as it attempted to paralyze her body.  
“Thor!” she screamed out and hit the emergency button beneath the doors handle, a high blaring alarm screech ringing out immediately.  
“Oh you stupid little girl. You weren’t even the one I wanted.” Suren said as Silver tried to pull the door open but instead felt the heat of a blast hit her in the back and she slumped to the floor as Suren attempted to step over Silver but she reached up and clutched the woman’s leg. Silver used all the strength she could gather and sent her fracturing waves of molten heat and pain into Suren in a torrent that brought the armored woman to her knees with a scream.  
Thor burst through the doors sending wood and glass showering to the floor. He had clad himself in his full armor in that magical way that she wouldn’t pretend to understand, hammer in hand as he strode forward. He pulled Silver to her feet and shoved her out of the way roughly as he screamed his anger down at Suren who had yet to get to her feet.  
“You dare hurt my mate you foul woman?” Thor raged and the crack he dealt Suren with his hammer would have dissolved any human into mush, but Suren took the brunt of it with her greaves as she screamed out in pain and shot a stinger bolt at Thor. It scrapped his bicep and clattered to the ground beside him and he hardly flinched as he yanked Suren up by the hair and she laughed madly. The skies that had been only peppered with a few small clouds were now darkened with heavy rain clouds.  
Suren steadied her feet, yanking free of Thor and launched herself over the edge of the balcony leading Thor to chase and Silver screamed out to him and he paused. Silver sat hunched over, hiding the truly gruesome nature of her wounds and Thor looked back at her. With a jolt to his hammer, he was lit with electricity, the currents moving like blood through veins over his skin.  
“Thor please! Don’t go! It’s what she wants you to do!” She yelled. Suren always had a plan, and this one somehow involved Thor.  
“I will return dearest. Get inside.” He said before swinging Mjolnir rapidly then taking flight after Suren, leaving Silver alone.  
Taking a deep breath, she lifted her hands away from between her breasts and looked down at the widening wound. The stinger’s venom was eating away at the flesh around the wound, causing it to expand and bleed out. Her advanced healing fought to seal the wound but paired with the blast she had taken in the back and her baby weakening her, it was slow work.  
She made herself crawl forward through the glass and wood that littered the floor towards the balcony edge, desperate to see what was happening as she left a thick blood trail behind her. Something was exposed on her back, possibly her spinal cord and the pain was horrible, but she lifted herself up.  
Suren’s minions flew in lines of four blasting holes into the fortress but the alarm had woken the team and they were all on alert and fighting back. Some of the minions disappeared into the city below, as fires were left in their wake.  
Trying to stand proved too painful, and Silver slumped back down to the floor as the flood of liquid rushed from her body. Silver looked down confused and realized that her water had just broke. She crawled her way back towards the shattered doors, hoping there was someone she could call for help but only made it halfway before her body protested, an awful cramping in her lower body. She spied Stark take a blast to the back from a row of minions and clattered to the grass of the balcony and Silver lifted her hands feebly in signal to him. He struggled to his feet only to take another blast, he sent out a blast of his own destroying the offending minion.  
She screamed into the night. Her son was coming and she tried to assess the damage as she bled at an alarming rate from the gaping wound between her breasts. The stinger had pierced both her hearts, she could feel that much, and the blast had taken her right in the spine but she could not yet tell to what extent, her body in sensory overload. She wasn’t healing at her normal rate, a realization that made her throat seize. Her baby was in distress and taking what he could from her. Tony was on his feet and readying to propel into the air once more.  
“Tony help me please.” She cried as she crawled toward him on the floor. Thor was nowhere in sight and she couldn’t believe he left her side after she was wounded, but she would make due. Tony paused in his pursuit of Suren’s minions and came back down to her. He flipped open his visor and looked her over.  
“Oh hell kid what happened? Why aren’t you healing?” He asked immediately pressing his hands to her wound to slow the blood flow.  
“The baby, he’s taking what he needs from me, he was hurt too. But I need your help…He’s coming now.” She gasped through a contraction that rocked her entire body. This baby was strong, like his father and she knew from the start his birth would not be easy. It was happening fast, she could feel the movement in her belly and the pressure, the need to push. She hastily kicked out of her panties and pulled back her knees like her body told her she needed to.  
“Uh oh no, no, no, no, no. I can’t do this…Somebody, anybody get here now.” He called into his communicator looking away from Silver’s spread thighs.  
“Tony, if somebody could be here, don’t you think they would be here already? Please I need your help. This wound isn’t healing that means I can’t really move much. I cannot do this on my own.” Silver said the last words breaking into a sob. Tony looked down at her in apprehension.  
“I don’t know what to do.” He said in a small voice.  
“I will guide you sir.” The Artificial Intelligence’s programed voice said loudly from Tony’s Com.  
“See? Jarvis will help. We’ll be okay.” Silver said reassuringly and stifled a scream as a feeling like bones being broken shot through her body.  
“Okay let’s see what we’re working with. Silver, this is more of you than I ever wanted to see I hope you know.” Tony said.  
“The feeling is mutual. Ahh, I have to push.” Silver said ending her sentence with a wheezing intake of breath, she was having increasing difficulties breathing.  
“Sir, I believe her lungs are punctured. If she is propped up on her elbows it will make breathing easier for her, it will also help ease the child out.” Jarvis said.  
Tony scrambled around and ripped the cushioned seat off a patio chair and propped it behind Silver as gently as he could and her breathing seemed to ease a bit and things began happening so fast Silver felt faint and dizzy.  
Jarvis guided Tony through the steps as Silver pushed with all her remaining strength. When he saw the crown of the baby’s head he sighed audibly, they were almost there. Tony wiped the rain out of his eyes and gently tugged.  
“I got a head! Let’s get these shoulders out and I think we’re there kid.” Tony said encouragingly as Silver had visibly wilted from the strain. Her face was pale and her eyelids looked heavy. She nodded weakly and gave another push, and screamed out loud this time as the shoulders began to pass through. Every push seemed to make her wounds contract and bleed even more.  
When Tony had most of the child out he saw what should not have been hard to miss, the diamond shaped wound in the child’s chest. What had happened to Silver, had been mirrored in her child. It was a small enough wound, but even a small wound on a newborn baby was devastating. It had begun to heal, but not fast enough, not fast enough to keep him alive. Tony felt his heart sink as he held the small unmoving infant in his hands.  
“Sir the child does not appear to be breathing. I am afraid the wound dealt to Miss Aveyard, was mortal for the child.” Jarvis said and Silver bolted up.  
“Jarvis, shut up.” Tony said unable to look Silver in the eyes, her child in his hands. He snipped the umbilical cord with a gadget that popped out of the forearm of his suit. Hitting the button on his wrist, his suit parted away from him as he tugged his shirt over his head still clutching the baby. Tony’s hands shook as he wrapped the baby in his shirt, tears filling his eyes, his own hands shaking.  
“Tony? Why isn’t he crying Tony? Did you clear his airway?” Silver croaked horrific sadness already creeping into her voice. Tony shook his head, at a loss for what he should say or do. Silver was shaking her head in disbelief.  
“Silver I’m so sorry.” He said finally and she let out a scream that shook the building and cracked the floor. He fell back on his butt and cradled the child to his chest protectively, a useless reaction.  
“Let me hold him.” She demanded when her voice had gone raw from screaming and the tremors in the building subsided. Tony noted that all of Suren’s airborne minions had burst into flames, their deaths immediate when Silver screamed. Tony cautiously leaned forward and placed the tiny bundle into her waiting arms.  
“He’s perfect Tony. Look, he has Thor’s hair.” She whispered and Tony nodded in agreement, the child had little tufts of blond visible through the blood. When she began sobbing, Tony couldn’t help but cry too.  
Tony wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Steve arrived and surveyed the scene pale faced. Tony had covered Silver from the waist down with a beach towel, but she was past caring. Her body began to slump forward, drained of even the strength to hold herself upright.  
“Where the fuck is Thor?” Tony shouted at Steve, like it was all his fault, like he could have made any difference. Steve shook his head, at a loss and looked like he was going to be sick.  
“Barton is on his way, we just now got her distress call.” Was all Steve said and Silver continued to clutch her dead child with the last of her energy.  
“Sir she is still bleeding out in profusion, her energy outburst cost her more than she has to give. If she is not given skilled medical attention in the next five minutes, it is highly probable that she will die.” Jarvis said. Tony knelt back down beside Silver and saw that her eyes had closed and she didn’t appear to be breathing.  
“Silver? Hey kid open those pretty eyes, come on.” Tony said grasping her shoulder, but she made no response.  
“What happened? Silver!” Clint screamed, his voice raw and agonized as he threw himself over the railing of the balcony. He was covered in ashes and gore and bled openly from several wounds but he strode to Silver like they were scratches. He surveyed the scene quickly and noted the small bundle drooping in Silver’s now limp arms. He scooped up the baby and held it to his chest inspecting it and scowling despairingly.  
“Get her up off the ground and inside now.” Clint told Steve looking down at Silver’s baby with tears filling his eyes. Steve gently pulled Silver into his arms and carried her with ease inside the tower and Tony followed numbly, his suit snapping up and closed over his bare chest. Clint remained on the balcony for a moment and simply gazed down at the child that Silver had created and loved even though she never saw him alive. He moved aside the blood soaked shirt and saw the wound in the infant’s chest that had killed him and he sobbed out his grief into the night.  
*****

“Why isn’t she healing?” Steve asked as they lay her down gently on the gurney and stepped away as the medical team hovered over her. His uniform was stained in her blood, his hands dripping red. He looked so young, Clint thought. He was really, only about Silver’s age in reality. They had all seen things in their lives but Silver’s baby dying like that, it was horrific and Clint saw that horror reflected in Steve’s face.  
Clint had returned with the infant’s body shrouded in his own leather jacket moments later looking hollow. Steve eyed the bundle with world weary eyes, all the horror he had seen in his life somehow didn’t compare to the absolute sadness of looking at this poor infant that never even got a chance. Clint handed the small bundle to a waiting nurse and she took him out of sight.  
“The baby, he took a lot of her energy and strength. Plus the wounds she was dealt were the worse I have seen her take. Barton? She ever been hit this bad in the past?” Tony asked. Clint was the only one who knew Silver so well.  
“Nothing this bad, not that I remember.” Clint said arms crossed as he fought the urge to flee the room. He could not stand seeing his best friend, the only real family he had in this world, near death. It made him want to die and he knew that if she went, nothing would keep him from following.  
Silver was breathing, but only just. Her wounds still bled in profusion, Steve knew because he could feel where his uniform was soaked through with her blood from when he held her. His hands remained braced on the gurney protectively, and he couldn’t really explain why he felt that way. As the doctors began to frantically work over Silver, Tony pulled Clint towards the door.  
“C’mon pal, lets let the nice doctors do their job.” He said to Clint who felt like a lost child, watching Silver with pained eyes. He let Tony lead him away and Steve stroked a wet strand of hair away from Silver’s face before joining the men.  
“She can’t die man. I don’t know what I’ll do. She just can’t die.” Clint said and Steve realized that the archer was crying, something he’d never seen the man do. Tony looked to Steve helplessly and his eyes were also filled with tears. Steve wondered how Tony had kept his composure while delivering Silver’s child, only to find it wasn’t alive. When Silver pulled through this, she would need all the help they could give her, because she would pull through.  
Steve felt his guts twist painfully at the thought of what Silver still had to go through. He was strong, but he knew beyond doubt that he wasn’t strong like Silver. In the few short years he had known her, she had never let her full pain show, never broke as anyone naturally would. She remained strong for those around her and that was something Steve knew a little about. But to lose your child…Steve couldn’t fathom it.  
He stayed for some reason, when everyone else had cleared the room and just the medical team remained. He stood just outside the glass watching as the doctors pressed her torn flesh together, encouraging her body to heal on its own as it had always done.  
Barton would return soon, but Steve would stand vigilant until then. He turned away only when they began to pull the afterbirth from her, her belly still distended and round. She seemed impossibly small lying amid the tubes and wires. He could still feel her dead weight in his arms and he glanced down to his blood soaked uniform. He probably looked gruesome but it didn’t matter when a friend was dying, nothing did.


	12. Everyday Sadness

Silver still fought the unbearable sadness that accompanied everyday life, with those she loved surrounding her but not remembering her, but Loki and Bucky seemed to make it better somehow.  
Life was funny, she mused. The two men that she had hardly known in her world, were now her lovers, were now her only confidants, were now the only ones who cared for her. She wasn’t fooling herself into thinking that they loved her, she wasn’t a child anymore, she knew that being lovers and love did not necessarily go hand in hand. Did she love them? Absolutely, but Silver always loved easily. Something about both Loki and Bucky begged to be loved and she couldn’t refuse, her heart simply called to them. She’d shared with them the depths of her soul, in sharing the memories of her life before.  
Silver feels the cool fingertips of Loki’s left hand skim the scar between her breasts curiously. The skin there is jagged and roughly diamond shaped from where the stinger bolt had pierced her and now that she had shared that memory with her boys, she’s knows they both must be marveling at the impossibility of her survival.  
“You really named your son after this guy?” Bucky asked jokingly and Loki pinched his thigh lightly in retaliation.  
“So what is so special about Barton?” Loki asked as they lounged on their new bed lazily.  
“Yeah, I don’t get it. You say you were married to Steve, you had a son with Thor, but Clint is the one you get all dreamy about.” Bucky added teasingly.  
“It’s not like that with us. He was my best friend, he was there for me through more than anyone in the world. It’s hard to explain that kind of love isn’t it? I’m not in love with him, but I could never have loved anyone quite like I did him.” Silver said and Bucky nodded.  
“I get it. Lots of folks liked to say me and Steve were queer, stuff like that, because they just couldn’t understand such a close friendship. We had each other’s backs through thick and thin.” Bucky admitted.  
“Well you both know the tangled brotherhood Thor and I have. As much as I hate to admit it, he is my one weakness. Gods! Love is an awful, destructive thing isn’t it?” Loki said and Bucky and Silver both nodded.  
“All the things that I’ve done, I’ve done for love.” Silver said sadly.  
“And no one remembers.” Bucky said softly.  
“No one remembers.” Silver agreed. The three of them are silent for a while before Bucky smooths his hand up Silver’s leg comfortingly.  
“Was Barton in love with you, do you think?” Loki asked and Silver looked over to him suddenly puzzled. He had loved her, she knew that. They had even been intimate, but had he been in love with her? She could not recall a particular conversation or shared moment with Clint that revealed such a thing to her but they were always so close it was hard to discern.  
“I don’t think I know. I guess I will never know now.” Silver said.  
“Come now, let’s not talk of Barton any further.” Loki said  
*  
*  
*

Silver had been wandering the range, it was near dark so she assumed no one would be here. She sat perched on the guard rail and watched as the sun made its slow descent when she noticed Clint at the exact moment he noticed her. He was practicing a few rows down from her and she immediately straightened and hopped off the rail.  
“You don’t have to leave Clint, I’m not going to infect you.” Silver said as Clint gathered his equipment. He remained casual and uncaring as he picked up his stray arrows and discarded his guards.  
“Or do I scare you?” Silver asked easily. It was the seamless way she had always spoken to Clint, her entire life.  
“That would be understandable. I am an unknown variable to you. A problem you cannot solve and it bothers you.”  
“You don’t scare me. You repel me. This story you’ve concocted is sad and pathetic. It’s a fucking joke and I don’t understand why you’ve made me the butt of it, but I sure as hell ain't afraid of you.” Clint said in a disinterested voice.  
“I didn’t mean to sound like I was diminishing you Clint.” She said gently.  
“I don’t care what you meant.” He replies acidly, turning away from her.  
“How did you meet her? Your wife?” Silver asked the first thing that came to mind, pretending what he said didn’t wound her, trying desperately to keep him talking a moment longer.  
“None of your fucking business.” He said in the same monotone.  
“You and I met as kids. Our dads were both bastards and our moms were both dead.” Silver said conversationally and she saw Clint tense his fingers on the bow he was holding at his side.  
“Great story, but anyone with the Internet can look up my shitty childhood.” Clint said.  
“You joined up with the circus, hoping to find Barney along the way. Left me, but I understood. You never found him. You came home to me eventually, not for long, but we had a few summers together before you joined up with SHIELD. You learned everything you know about cooking from Chuck, making pies and meatloaves.”  
Clint shook his head and gave a strained laugh.  
“I don’t know how you know about Chuck, but it doesn’t prove a damn thing.” Clint insists and she wonders how he remembers Chuck but not her.  
Clint went back to his maneuvers, attacking dummies ferociously in retaliation to her presence. It wasn’t normal irritation he felt towards her. It was an unnatural hatred fuming inside him and she had to figure it out, there must be a reason his love for her turned to utter hatred.

Silver stood beside him on the range and tried to discern any of the Clint she knew inside this man. Everything on the outside matched the Clint she loved. The same tufts of sandy blond hair she had so fondly mussed whenever he hugged her. The same scowl that seemed to be permanently etched into his features. The hearing aid was new, but cosmetic to her, the frame of him was something that hadn’t changed.  
She had never been on the outside of his closely placed personal bubble, they had been friends so long she could hardly remember a day without him. She had always been his left hand girl, the one person he let close enough to know him, not just the Avenger or Hawkeye.  
She wondered again how he remembered Chuck, that should have been erased along with any memory of her. Perhaps they weren’t erased, only changed or replaced.  
All his childhood memories with her, she wondered what took their place.  
“Do you remember someone falling from a tree when you were a kid? Breaking all their bones? You thought they were dead?” Silver asks him suddenly. His back stiffens and he turns slightly towards her. She doesn’t think he is going to answer her until she hears a soft ‘yes’ from him.  
“A little girl, she was younger than me, but that’s all I can remember. She fell from the tree, my old man said she died, never saw her again so he must have been telling the truth. I heard all the bones breaking when she landed though, no way she could have made it.” Clint said quietly and Silver nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at her.  
“Maybe there was someone who held your hand when your mom died?” Silver pressed feeling that rubber band of hope stretch inside her. Clint looked at his own hands solemnly and shook his head.  
“Someone must have, I couldn’t cry. It hurt so much and I couldn’t cry until...I don’t know.” Clint said and looked up at Silver dazedly, like he didn’t know why he was telling her this and just as quickly as that armored wall inched down, it snapped back up and he was tense all over.  
“Stop it! It wasn’t you! I would know. It was never you.” Clint spat, eyes glassy.  
“Another person then, someone you shared all your secrets with. Someone you trusted with your heart?” Silver asked and Clint shook his head violently and grasped Silver by the arm roughly.  
“Fucking stop! Just stop! It wasn’t you! I’ve never known you, I have never loved you! Just stop it! Leave me alone!” Clint shouted grabbing her by the throat and slamming her against the barricade and she tumbled to the floor but he kept his hand at her throat tightly.  
“Leave me the fuck alone.” Clint said through gritted teeth, his voice full of angry emotion, his eyes filling with tears that threatened to spill, his inner turmoil palpable. Silver felt her heart clench painfully, then he released her as if she’d burned him, looking at his hand again like he didn’t recognize it.  
“Clint.” Silver croaked from the floor where she sat dejectedly, Clint faces away from her now, his body taut with rage contained and emotion he didn’t understand.  
“Where did you go? All the times you ran away? After your dad would beat you and scream at you…Where did you go?” Silver asked and Clint turned, visibly shaking and he gave Silver a warring look of both rage and confusion.  
“Stay away from me, I won’t tell you again.” He said voice quavering as tears began to stream down his face and he stormed away leaving behind all his equipment. Silver felt cold to her bones, he had felt something, she knew that much.  
She watched him slowly disappear from her view and then doubled over feeling suddenly sick and retched up her lunch.  
It wasn’t fair for her to do that to him. She was forcing him to bring up these feelings and she had no right to tear him apart to simply satisfy the longing for him in her own heart. She dissolved into tears which soon became wracking sobs that she could do nothing to quell.  
“Gods I am so sorry Clint!” She screamed out, though he was long gone. When she pulled herself together enough to get back on her feet, she carefully gathered Clint's forgotten gear and headed back inside. Leaving the gear in the foyer, she made her way back up to her floor feeling drained and at a loss. Where could she go from here?  
Loki met her at the door and wrapped his arms around her, not saying a word. When he released her, he examined her face in his hands for a moment and then her neck. The angry red finger marks disappeared before their eyes but Loki would not dismiss them so easily, she knew.  
“Are you going to tell me?” Loki asked and Bucky silently made his way over to them, his chest bare like his feet. He stood beside Loki, the unasked questions plain in his eyes. His brown hair looked almost black wet from the shower, dripping lightly onto his shoulders.  
“No. I am not.” She said and pulled her face from Loki’s hands. Loki sighed in agitation and turned to Bucky.  
“She’s upset.” Loki said to him.  
“I can see.” Bucky replied, eyes still on Silver.  
“Her neck had marks on them. I want her to tell me where they came from.” Loki said.  
“I would also like to know.” Bucky said, his voice taking on an icy edge.  
“I would like, in case you were wondering, for the both of you to give me a modicum of privacy. If I don’t want to talk about it, leave me be.” Silver said and turned away from the pair and locked herself in the bathroom, letting loose a shaky breath.  
These men, however much she loved them. They weren’t entitled to every last bit of her. She certainly couldn’t tell them that Clint had been the one to leave those marks. They wouldn’t understand that she had provoked him, however unintentional her motives had been. She had wanted to get a reaction from him, not his hands at her throat, but she had been aware of what she was doing to him.  
“Silver are you going to open the door and talk to us like an adult?” Bucky said from the other side of the door and Silver scoffed.  
“Nope. I am going to take a bath then go to bed. Leave me alone.” She said turning the taps of the tub, the noise drowning out anything else Bucky might have been saying. The tub filled quickly and by the time she was finished undressing the bathroom was filled with the steam from the hot water. She had just sunk into the water with a sigh when the door popped open and Bucky stood there looking a little abashed as Loki had obviously used his magic to unlock the door without force. Loki stepped inside and sunk himself fully dressed into the tub with Silver.  
“Loki! What the hell?” Silver shouted as water sloshed over the edge of the tub. Bucky leaned against the sink and crossed his arms, the metal one fogging up from the steam.  
“You don’t get privacy with us Silver, not even a modicum of it.” Loki said leaning back in the tub, his legs caging either side of Silver’s.  
“Crowding me is not how you go about whatever the fuck it is you are trying to accomplish here Loki!” Silver said angrily. Any possibility of relaxation had vanished. She was angry now, not just irritated and the unperturbed look Loki was sporting only served to further infuriate her. The water heated, her body radiating the heat and soon the bathroom was filled with steam so thick that she couldn’t see Bucky anymore.  
“Silver!” Bucky called and now the water was boiling, her skin reddening and blistering. She wasn’t impervious to the heat she made, she was safe as long as it was just her body heating, but the outside variables, like the bathwater, could still burn her.  
Loki hissed in pain but before Silver knew it, the water was icy cold, a horrible shock to her system. She was trying to catch her breath but shivers were shaking her whole body, making it hard to take a breath. Then Bucky was pulling her from the tub as Loki sat in the icy water unaffected.  
“Darling you are used to men not pushing back, when you lash out, they move back. I am not that kind of man.” Loki said calmly.  
“Fuck you Loki!” Silver screamed this time and stormed nude from the bathroom, pulling free of Bucky’s grip. Her blistered and frozen skin was already healed when she pulled a night dress over her head and sunk to the floor of the bedroom exhausted by this whole scene. Bucky sat beside her and she let him pull her into his lap this time, no fight left in her.  
“I’m tired of this Bucky. I’m tired.” She said, but she wasn’t really sure what exactly she was tired of. It wasn’t her boys, they just brought out more and more of what she was, not their fault. Tired of herself maybe.  
“I know Sweetheart. I know.” He said and she felt, rather than saw Loki pad into the room. She looked up and he was rummaging nude in the drawers for dry clothing.  
“You are going to have to make a choice here soon Silver. You cannot keep straddling both lives and expect to stay sane. One has to go and you must decide, whether you want to live in the ‘what was’ or the ‘now’.” Loki said not looking at her as he dressed. Bucky was pulling her to her feet and towards the grand bed they three shared.  
“Not tonight Loki, not tonight.” She said drowsy now. Bucky had tucked her to his chest and pulled the covers over them. A moment later, Loki’s cool body was sliding behind her, arms wrapping around her, lips pressed to the base of her neck.  
In her dreams that night, she remembered a similarly tumultuous time in her life. Just a few weeks after her son had died and she had no choice but to start her life anew. Maybe it was a sign.


	13. Loss Of Innocence Pt. 2

When Silver woke, she was in a darkened room lit up with the cracks of lightning from the most violent storm she had ever seen. Outside the window, rain fell so heavily that water poured down in sheets. In the corner of the room, another flash of lightning revealed the huddled form of Clint Barton.  
“Hey.” Clint said when he spied movement from Silver. He stood, dressed hastily it seemed in a SHIELD issue hooded sweater and sweat pants. His face seemed tired beyond imagine. Like he hadn’t slept in months and Silver immediately tried to pull herself up and beckon him closer.  
When she tried to sit all the way up, a sharp pain lanced through her. She couldn’t move well enough to do more than slump to the side. Clint moved towards her and helped prop her up to as close to a semi-up right position as her body could handle and sat on the edge of the bed. When a vicious strike of lightning struck outside with a loud crack, Silver startled and Clint followed her eyes dazedly.  
“Yeah, it’s been like that since…Well since he found out.” Clint said sadly and Silver frowned. This was Thor’s despair, his storm of grief raging hard. The walls vibrated with the strength of the roaring thunder.  
“He brought down a building when he heard, nearly killed Pietro. Lucky the kid is fast.” Clint said.  
“When he heard.” Silver repeated dryly and Clint caught her meaning and looked down.  
“He hasn’t been back to the compound yet.” Clint told her softly, meaning that Thor had not come to her side when the battle was over, he had not come to see her when he found out about their son. Silver took a deep breath and winced, her body full of pain coming to life. Clint scooted closer in concern.  
“Why haven’t you healed yet? It’s never taken this long.” Clint asked gentling a hand down her arm.  
“I’m healing, just much slower than usual. It took all I had to stay alive. The baby, he took so much from me, I wish I could have given him more…” She broke off with a sob. She couldn’t believe this was real, her son was dead. Her body had been so weakened in carrying him, the child of a god, yet his burgeoning strength had not been enough to save him. Clint gave her a sad nod, knowing what she could not explain.  
“Where is Thor right now? Does anyone know?” Silver asked, she wanted to ask ‘Where is my son?’ But the words would not come out.  
“We don’t really know. Stark lost him in the storm and we had bigger concerns.” Clint said eyeing Silver carefully she had no doubt that Clint never left her side.  
“Stark said, uh if you need anything at all to just say the word and he’s got you.” Clint added softly and Silver nodded. Stark could be crass and childish, but he had a heart for those he deemed worthy. He had been her only help on that balcony and he delivered her child, which would always count for something with Silver.  
“Where is he?” She asked suddenly and Clint frowned.   
“Stark? Probably still searching for Thor or clearing what he can of the fallout.” Clint answered.  
“Not Tony. My son, Clint. Where is he?” She demanded.  
“In the med ward. We’ll take care of him Silver, the little guy will have a proper funeral, everything. I swear.” Clint assured her, leaning close in comfort. A trait she always admired about Clint. Where others took a step back, he always took a step forward.  
“Thor will want an Asgardian funeral.” Silver insisted softly and Clint nodded.  
“Whatever you want kiddo.” Clint assured her.  
“Did you see him Clint? He could have been a doll.” Silver sighed.  
“I saw him. I held him in my arms and carried him to the med myself. He looked like a miniature Thor, but I know he would have had your heart.” Clint said holding tight to Silver’s hand, and though Silver’s eyes had filled with burning tears, she did not fail to note that Clint was crying too. Silver had only seen Clint cry once, when he was fourteen and his brother left after his mother died. She knew what it meant for him to cry for her son.  
“I just wasn’t strong enough Clint. I couldn’t even save my own child. How can I be so useless?” She cried and Clint shook his head and climbed beside her in the bed. Pulling her gently to him, he let her know with his presence what he was unable to say. She clung to him tightly, wondering why Thor did not care this much, why he wasn’t here to comfort her.  
A throat being cleared near dawn woke Silver, she wasn’t sure Clint had slept any but he scooted up in bed till he was siting and Silver rested her head against his arm. Bruce stood before them looking in need of sleep himself, beside him a woman in a lab coat and dark hair pulled into an immaculate chignon.  
“Sorry to wake you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…medically speaking. I know how you feel about the doctors so I thought you might prefer if a friend was here while Dr. Cho checked you out. Should have guessed Barton would be here.” Bruce said with a soft smile and then inclined his head to the small woman beside him. Silver had seen her around the med before but had never officially met her.   
“You mind if I examine you?” She said gently and Silver nodded and Clint rose up out of bed and helped her recline back so that Dr.Cho could do the exam. Parting the ties to her hospital gown to expose her chest, Bruce turned to give her some privacy while Dr. Cho pressed her fingers to the wound softly. She felt around the entire wound and even took measurements and spoke them into her watch as Clint stood beside the bed, watching with unflinching eyes.  
“A little progress. Last night before we brought you here, the wound was slightly bigger.” Dr. Cho told her as she changed the bandages. Since she wasn’t healing at her normal rate, she bled through the old ones already.   
“Dr. Cho here was the one of the doctors that patched you up Silver.” Bruce said, back still to them as Dr. Cho prodded lower, pressing at her ribs that she wasn’t aware of being broken till now and made note of the extensive bruising.  
“Slow and steady.” She mussed quietly, so the bruises must look better than before. Silver looked down at her torso and looked away, unable to stomach the sight of her already flattening belly covered in bruises with the rest of her.  
“Any abnormal pain due to the birth? Like cramping in your stomach or numbness in your lower region?” Dr. Cho asked nudging her back and gently parting her legs to have a look as Silver shook her head. She hurt everywhere, but nothing abnormal about it.   
“Well you look pretty good considering everything.” Bruce said when he deemed it appropriate to turn back around as Clint covered her with a heated blanket.  
“We will do some scans several times a day to make sure you are healing correctly and we will keep an eye on your head.” Dr. Cho said in her dulcet voice.  
“My head?” Silver asked blithely and as soon as she did, she felt the throbbing and dizziness.  
“You cracked your skull right at the apex, but it isn’t causing any adverse effects like swelling in your brain or anything so I think it’s going to be fine, just like the rest of you.” Dr. Cho assured her.  
“From the research and data we have on your particular genetic makeup and healing ability, we really think that rest is going to be what helps your injuries most. When you sleep, it seems that your body is able to heal about twenty percent faster than if you were awake. Now that may not seem like much but the condition you are in right now, I would say that is your best bet. If you have no objections, I am going to be sedating you in safe dosages for the next few days while we try and get you better.” Dr. Cho told her and she shrugged. Sleep sounded a whole lot better than being awake and miserable, knowing there wasn’t a little baby waiting to be held by her. Bruce produced a syringe for Dr. Cho and she hardly had time to thank the Doctors before she was watching the liquid from the syringe flow into her IV tube.  
“I’ll be here kiddo, don’t worry.” Clint said and she nodded as she felt the effects of the sedative roll over her heavily as she sunk into sleep.  
*  
*  
Pepper helped her prepare and dress for the funeral. A week and she still had trouble walking and the wound in her chest was only half healed. Little tasks that should have been easy to do on her own, became impossible without the help of another. Thor had returned the next day, a rage palpable on him as he burst into her room and stared down at her. She wasn’t sure if he was angry with the event of things, or with her. He sat down beside her and his face crumbled in despair and tears rolled down his cheeks. She pulled him close to her and sobbed with him and he mumbled to her how sorry he was, how it was all his fault. Clint returned to her after fetching her some food and unknowingly ended the moment. Thor stood away from her brusquely, clearing his throat as if ashamed of this little moment of weakness and left as if he had never come.   
She didn’t see him again till the morning Pepper came to help her dress. He had not slept with her in the room they share at the resort they all stayed at. She didn’t know where he had been all night. He silently pulled the garment bag from his closet, neither greeting nor acknowledging that Pepper and Silver were there. He grabbed his shoes, taking all else he needed and left as silently as he had come.  
“Has he been like that the whole time?” Pepper asked gently, pulling Silver’s long hair back into a braid.  
“It’s only the second time I’ve seen him since everything. He flew here on his own.” Silver admitted. She was thankful that Pepper had the consideration to think of Silver. As much as Silver trusted and loved Clint, she didn’t want to have to ask him to braid her hair and help her put on her dress today.   
He had helped her with everything she needed this week and she knew it was more than any friend should ask of another. When Pepper arrived earlier in the morning and helped Silver into the bathtub, she could have wept, the gesture was so sweet.  
The woman had washed her hair for her as Silver carefully sponged around her wounds and over the tender bruises. Clint arrived later to assist and he looked relieved that Pepper had thought to help. Silver brushed a little lipstick over her lips and Pepper dabbed a little blush on her pale cheeks before coiling up the long braid and tucking it beneath a small veiled cap, affixing it to her hair with pins. Her dress was black, loose and long, nothing that would constrict her battered body. The fabric was soft against her skin and was paired with her long woolen coat, a heavy cumbersome thing, which would serve to keep her warm on the frozen shores of the Scandinavian coast where Thor had elected to have the funeral ceremonies for their son.  
“You ladies all set?” Tony asked from the door where Clint had let him in. Silver nodded hollowly, her hands shaking.  
“I got you.” Clint said as he came round and took her waist in support.  
The resort they chose, opened up to the great expanse of a lake, icy around the edges. A small Viking row boat had been hand built by Thor, their son’s name carved in ancient runes on the side. Loki Thorson. Flowers filled the inside of the small boat, small wooden toys and notes from their friends.   
Bruce came forward with the tiny bundle that was her son and handed it to her. The black wool was soft beneath her fingers as she took careful steps towards the boat, Thor following behind her. She kissed the bundle and handed their son to him as they stood before the boat, all their friends gathered around.   
Thor kissed their son and gently placed him inside the boat, tears splashing from his eyes. He gave the boat a shove and it glided across the water. He took Silver’s hand and led her away from the water as Clint stepped forward with his bow in hand. The boat was far enough out, Clint lit the tip of his arrow aflame and shot it out over the lake, where it struck the boat and blazed to life.  
Silver let herself cry aloud as the burning boat dissolved into lighted orbs and drifted away on the wind.  
“His soul is in Valhalla, among his kinsmen all brave and true. His uncle Loki, whom he was named for, will keep him under his wing and love him until the day I arrive too. I will see you again one day little one. Your mother and I will shower you with all the love and kisses you were denied in this cruel life.” Thor said through tears and Silver wrapped her arms around herself as choking sobs rocked her body. The members of the team all place a small flower each on the water’s surface where they float away, too small to be seen on the vast lake.  
Thor took Silver by the hand and helped her along the stony shore, back to the warmth of the pit fires set up for them further along. There would be a feast later, another tradition of Thor’s, but right now, Silver let herself be numbed by the cold as they sat around the fire and drank in her son’s honor.  
Back in their room, Silver let Thor help her out of her coat and then her shoes and dress. She pulled off her hat and Thor ran his fingers through her hair, letting out the braid. He was gentle as he carried her to the bed and laid her down and she didn’t protest when he tore his own clothes off and pressed his body over hers.   
He made love to her carefully, keeping his weight off her but it still hurt. Her body wasn’t ready for this yet, but she wouldn’t refuse him when it was the first bit of affection he had shown her since their son’s death. They both cried as their breath mingled with one another’s and tears and sweat soaked their bodies. Thor roared her name when he came, one hand braced on the headboard and she clutched his shoulders in both pleasure and pain. He fell away from her and into sleep soon after, she listened to his deep even breaths wishing they would lull her to sleep as well.   
She had cleaned up and curled up in an armchair by the fire and slipped into a fitful sleep when Thor woke her in time for the feast. He helped her into a new dress and shoes before taking her hand and leading her to the banquet hall where everyone would be gathered. Their friends all held up shots of clear liquor in their son’s honor and Silver and Thor took the offered glasses and drank with them. Hours later, Thor had become drunk and merry after drinking down nearly five entire bottles of liquor himself. He spoke loudly and everyone crowded around him, happy to share in a bit of cheer on this solemn day.  
“My son would have been the mightiest hero this world had ever known. Invincible like his father, smart and unshakable like his mother. We would have showered him with all the love and care a little prince was deserving of. I swear in his name that he will be avenged, that Suren will be destroyed by my hand for taking a truly innocent life.” Thor boomed loudly, tears filling his eyes and everyone drank to his words.  
“He would have been my little boy.” Silver whispered and Clint took her hand tightly when she cried.

When they all returned to the fortress and their lives, Thor was distant again. He slept in their bed, and ate with Silver, but hardly a word was spoken between them. She couldn’t help but feel that he blamed her and that made the guilt build heavily on her shoulders. If she had been stronger, their son would have lived.  
Clint visited her each day, telling her of any progress the team had made in the search for Suren. Thor had injured her severely the night their son died, but she still escaped.   
Bruce and many of the other team members were in agreement that if Suren was killed without first being weakened, she would cause an explosion severe enough to take out millions. She would not go out without a fight, and would try to take as many lives as she could with her. Thor would hear none of this. When he found her, he would kill her without hesitation and that worried the team.  
Her healing was still slow, nearly two months later and she met with Bruce each day so he could catalog any change or lack thereof, she was with Bruce when the alarms blared and everyone gathered in the meeting room.  
“Suren’s been detected off the coast of Thailand. We think it may be where she has been hiding, but it could also be a trap.” Fury said calmly and Thor rushed to his feet.  
“I will be the one to end her.” He announced.  
“Okay big guy, don’t you remember the talk we had about her being weakened first? She could annihilate half the world if she isn’t properly weakened first.” Tony said, trying to be gentle.  
“I will weaken her, right before I smash her head open.” Thor said and got to his feet and marched from the room, Silver on his heels.  
“Thor I know how badly you want this, but you have to think about this. If it’s done wrong, a lot of people will die.” Silver tried to reason with him but he kept his brisk pace and she struggled to keep up.  
“Are you saying that these potential lives are worth more than the loss of our son?” Thor asked bitterly.  
“It’s not like that Thor, don’t twist my words.” She argued, her breath coming out raggedly.  
“You are like the rest of them, promising vengeance with no intent on providing it. Do you not remember holding our dead son?” Thor snapped turning to her and her blood began to heat in anger.  
“Of course I remember Thor! I was there! Where were you when I was bleeding to death? Where were you when I had to give birth to a child who would never live? Where were you?!” Silver screamed at him and felt the crack across her face and fell to the floor confused, seeing black spots dance across her vision and her fingertips pulsing with power that came unbidden. The narrowing of her vision and blistering heat that overtook the air was all she could focus on.   
Clint was leaping over her prone form suddenly, and she hadn’t even been aware of him behind her in the corridor, of any of them crowding behind them. She lifted her hand to her face and felt the blood pooling in her hand. Thor had hit her! She glanced up as Clint struck Thor hard across the jaw, then again to his nose, causing blood to pour.  
“Don’t you ever fucking lay a hand on her again, do you hear me?” Clint yelled and Thor spat and leapt towards Clint violently, but Tony had suited up and was able to hold Thor with the help of Steve and Sam as Bruce pulled Silver away from the fray, her feet unsteady beneath her. Silver saw nothing of the Thor she knew in his eyes, he was all hate and vengeance and it frightened and confused her.   
When Thor pulled Mjolnir from his belt and swung it at Clint, Silver screamed and pulsed with power, letting the heat radiate around her as it craved to.  
“No!” Her voice amplified and vibrated through the corridor, throwing everyone from their feet as the building trembled. Fissures in the walls splintered around them and the shaking kept everyone on their hands and knees on the floor. All eyes shot to Silver fearfully as Clint crawled toward her and grasped her in his arms tightly, squeezing the air from her lungs, but comforting her all at once.   
“Calm down Silver, I’m okay.” He said and she struggled against him and to take in breath as his words sank into her. She collapsed back to the floor, Clint still holding onto her as she pulled the heat and the rage she felt back into herself, stilling the tremors in the building.   
“Everyone okay?” Tony called and murmured ‘yes’s’ were called. Thor had vanished down the corridor, jerking out of the grasps that held him away from Clint.  
“C’mon Silver. Let’s get you to the med.” Clint said pulling her up and into his arms, cradling her to his chest. Bruce shambled through the mess Silver had made and followed Clint hurriedly. Silver felt drained, her little power outburst had cost her what she didn’t really have to give. She could feel her face wet with blood where it pressed against Clint’s t-shirt clad chest and the blood was still flowing. Her head throbbed horribly, like it might split open and she fought the urge to vomit, least she do it on Clint.   
“I feel sick…” Silver began but her words slurred and she slumped against Clint, unable to keep her body from fading into unconsciousness.  
She blinked awake in the brightly lit med ward and shielded her eyes and moaned in pain.   
“Hey! Can you say your name for me? Your full name.” Bruce said his face hovering over hers.  
“She awake again?” Clint asked and Silver could hear him rising to his feet.   
“Yeah she seems a bit more aware now though.” Bruce said to Clint then repeated his strange request to Silver.  
“Tell me your full name.”   
“Silver Lane Aveyard. What happened?” Silver said, mouth dry and Bruce sighed in relief as Clint came into view, brow furrowed in displeasure.  
“Thor cracked you so hard it jostled your brain. You’ve been waking up in thirty-second intervals for the last few hours.” Clint said through clenched teeth. Bruce cleared his throat.  
“This is the most coherent you’ve been. The other times you couldn’t even say your first name for us.” Bruce told her and she blinked against the light.   
“Am I okay now? Where is Thor? Did I do any serious damage? No one was hurt were they?” Silver asked quickly and Bruce smiled wryly.   
“Slow it down there. No one was hurt, you only cracked a few walls and we think you’re going to be okay.” Bruce answered, and she didn’t fail to note that her question about Thor’s whereabouts went unanswered.  
“And Thor?” She asked again.  
“What does it matter Silver, look what he did to you, what he is going to continue to do to you. I don’t just mean this.” He said motioning to her bandaged head.  
“I mean everything, look what his baby did to you!” He said loudly and Silver cringed away.  
“What do you mean? What did his baby do to me?” She bit back.  
“He knew from the start that you might not live through birthing that kid and he never said a word. We are lucky that the kid got some of you and not all Thor’s strength, or else you would have died.” Clint snapped.  
“Lucky? If my son had been stronger, he would be with me right now!” Silver yelled back sitting up and trying to get to her feet.  
“No! He would have killed you and still have died! Thank god you won’t be going through that shit ever again!” Clint said his voice harsh and Silver tilted her head in confusion.  
“Barton…” Bruce warned tightly.  
“Why won’t I be going through that again Clint?” Silver asked carefully, waiting for Clint to confirm what she already knew in her heart.  
“The kid ruined you, you can’t have any more.” Clint said bluntly and Silver tried to control the trembling in her lips as she turned to Bruce for assurance. He looked down and shook his head.  
“Really Barton? That was how you chose to tell her?” Bruce snapped angrily and tried to pull Silver back onto the bed but she jerked out of his grasp.  
“It’s going to be okay Silver but you have got to lay back down.” Bruce said and Silver shook her head crying soundlessly. She had dared hope that maybe in the future, she and Thor could try again for another child. Clint may not be the reason it was impossible, but his harsh way of telling her brought out her anger with him.  
Clint seemed to realize how far his words had stung her, how deeply, and his frown deepened and he opened his mouth, likely to apologize.  
“Silver…” He began.  
“Shut up Clint, just shut up!” Silver gasped and she shot back to her feet and made for Clint.  
“You can’t leave yet sweetheart, you’re not ready.” Bruce said trying to hold Silver down.  
“I’m not trying to leave, I’m trying to slap his stupid fucking face! Get out of here Clint! Now!” She screamed when her strength failed to free her of Bruce, she threw a bottle of water at Clint. He ducked it in shock and she grabbed a book and hurled it toward him.  
“Silver stop, I know what I said was-” Clint began after dodging the book but Silver wouldn’t hear him, she grasped for something else to throw but before she could, Bruce pinned her back onto the bed, holding her wrists above her head. She screamed out in rage.  
“Get out!” She screamed jerking in Bruce’s grasp.  
“Just go Barton! You are making things worse!” Bruce growled from between his teeth as he struggled with Silver. Clint gave Silver one last hurt look, like she was in the wrong here, and left the room. When the airlock doors closed behind him Silver went limp, drained and Bruce slowly eased off her.   
“I’m sorry about that Silver. He should not have told you that way.” Bruce told her as he sat back, breathing hard from the struggle.  
“So it’s really true.” Silver asked in a small voice.  
“Yeah kid. Your body was taking too much damage during the pregnancy, not even you can heal from that sort of internal damage. If baby Loki would have lived, he would have been the only child you’d ever have been able to carry. I’m so sorry.” Bruce said and he really was, Silver felt it. He and Natasha knew that hopeless feeling of facing a life without the thing they wanted most.


	14. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silver recalls how her relationship with Thor fell apart.

Thor returned the next week after the incident in the corridor, from who knew where, but Silver was glad to see him all the same. He came in the middle of the night, riding the storm of his doing and slipping into bed beside Silver silently and the storms outside stilled. Silver wiggled herself closer to him in bed and slept peacefully in the comfort of his too warm embrace.  
She woke the next morning to Thor’s face staring at hers. He held a tentative hand to her right side, where he had struck her and examined her for damage. She was sure it was still slightly bruised, but the most damage had been done on the inside, with the breaking of her occipital lobe and the jostling of her brain.  
“You’re home.” She said softly petting his hair back and he nodded.  
“I am sorry little one.” He said gravely and Silver slid her hand down his arm soothingly. She wouldn’t say that it was okay, because she knew it wasn’t. But she couldn’t help the love she felt for Thor.   
“I must leave again, I only had to see that you were okay.” He said and kissed her gently before rising and wordlessly leaving her once again, disappearing in the light of early morning.   
Another two weeks passed before the others sent her word of Thor’s whereabouts and she never said a word of comment to them. She listened to the briefing and nodded, and returned to her room, hoping Thor would come back home, to her.  
She lay alone, unsure of the day or how long she had been abed and thought of Clint. She had yet to speak to him since the incident in the med ward and she felt her chest constrict painfully when she thought of his harsh words to her that day. As much as she wished to stay mad at him though, she loved him with too much of her heart to ever keep it up for long. She knew he still haunted her balcony on occasion, keeping close even when she told him to stay away.   
She sighed loudly and thought about going outside and looking for him when the doors of the balcony were shoved open and Thor strode in, looking even wearier than last time.  
“Thor! Are you okay?” She asked rushing to him.  
“I fear this venture is hopeless, Suren is evading me.” He sighed and Silver chose to remain silent on the matter and Thor pulled her into his arms sadly. When he let her go, he collapsed into bed and slept like he had not slept in weeks. Silver had a feeling that his was exactly the case.  
Silver stood in front of the bathroom mirror nude, examining her body. Her belly had completely gone down, only the little extra weight she always carried remained. The diamond shaped wound was still in the last stages of healing, but bandages were no longer needed for it and when she turned to look at her back it was almost too much to bear. The skin had fussed back together in the best way it could, leaving her back looking like an old patchwork quilt. She sadly placed a palm against her stomach when Thor strode in behind her and kissed her neck in greeting.  
“Our son cannot be replaced, but when you are healed we will have other children, little princes and princesses.” Thor said smiling against her neck and it was such a sweet smile and such a sweet thought that she almost wished she didn’t have to tell him what she had found out.  
“Thor, when they examined me they said I’m not going to…I won’t ever have children again. Baby Loki was my only chance.” Silver blurted and Thor let his arms around her drop and he took a step back and watched Silver carefully in the mirror. His gaze became sad and his stare so intense Silver pulled a robe from the hook near her and wrapped it around herself, feeling shamed. He looked at her like he was trying to find the flaw he now knew was there, like he had missed some hidden defect.  
“I’m sorry Thor.” She said softly and she waited with her body tense for what he would do or say.  
“No. I am sorry.” He began and Silver looked up at him, her eyes round and filling with tears.  
“A woman who cannot bear children, is not fit to be my queen. I am sorry. You lack the strength I thought made you my equal.” Thor said simply, as if he just told her they had run out of shampoo.  
“I see.” Silver said quietly, stunned that Thor, the man she loved was dismissing her so easily.  
“I will find other rooms to inhabit from here on.” He said and Silver shook her head, dazed.  
“No, you stay. I will leave. Give me today and I will be moved out.” She said in a voice that did not sound like her own. The tears she had felt moments before were gone and a dry hollowness filled her. Thor nodded sternly and walked past her to the shower and closed the stall door behind him, without a second glance in her direction as the sound of water blasting did nothing to drown out the sound of the pounding of her heart.  
Silver padded numbly out onto the balcony and looked around blindly, seeing nothing before her. The days aren’t warming up anymore and she lets her eyes close and tries to take in the cold air and clear her thoughts.   
A scrape of a boot on the railing startles her and she opens her eyes blearily.   
“He’s back I see.” Clint calls from his perch and hops down when he sees Silver’s dazed look. She stumbles towards him, needing to know something is constant, is still within her reach.  
“What happened? Did he hurt you?” Clint says immediately alert. He grasp Silver’s arms and inspects her urgently. Silver shakes her head dully. Clint pulls her into a hug, his relief palpable. She luxuriates in the feeling of his solid, comforting body holding hers.  
She remains quiet for a long stretch of time and Clint lets her be, hands soothing up and down her back. Finally she clears her throat and speaks in a composed voice.  
“Will you help me move? I want to be out of this apartment by tonight.” Silver says dryly and Clint pulls away from her and frowns but nods all the same.  
“Sure kid. We’ll get you out of here in no time.” He says sounding eager, but trying to contain it. It’s what he’s prayed for from the beginning, but would never outright say.  
“Good. I’m going to start packing. You think Stark can find me another room?” She asks mildly.  
“We’ve got you, don’t worry about it.” Clint assures her with a gentle kiss to her cheek and then he slips over the railing down to the balcony below. Silver takes a deep breath and goes back into her and Thor’s shared rooms and looks around for what she should take to her new rooms. Nothing pops out at her. Instead she dresses and heads to the nursery where her son would have been housed.   
She pointedly avoided the room in the past weeks, but now she opens the door with ease, feeling a welcoming sense wash over her. The room smells like baby things, powder, lotion, clean smells, but not like actual baby. The walls are swathed in fabric a rich emerald green, the favorite color of the Loki her son was named for. The bars to the crib are an enameled gold, ornate and beautiful, her choosing. The bassinet that would have sat in her and Thor’s room was wooden and hand-carved by Thor, was propped in the corner, as if someone hastily stored it there. Silver grasped the smooth, lacquered rungs and sat it down flat. Its bowed bottom caused it to rock back and forth in a gentle lulling fashion and Silver smiled imagining her little Loki asleep in it.   
The bassinet was ironically, very much like the funeral boat that Thor had carved as well. Intricate patterns of the sea and sky were carved along the sides and a pair of twin cats perched protectively at the head, each wrapped their tails around the length of the bassinet to heel. Thor had put love and care into creating this and Silver wished she could talk to him.   
Who but the father of her child would understand the pain? The horrible hollow feeling she was left with now that she was without the child she loved should be shared with him, but Thor closed himself off and Silver was alone in her pain.  
She considered taking the bassinet with her, but decided that Thor had made it and he should be the one to keep it. When he found a woman worthy of being his queen, they could put their new child in it. Knocking on the apartment door brought her from her daze. She grabbed a small purple stuffed bunny from the crib that had been a gift from Clint from years ago and closed the nursery room door behind her. Clint was at the front door and had brought friends.  
Bruce, Natasha, Sam and Steve filled into the room boxes and supplies in hand.  
“We just passed Thor, he said he would stay out of the way until we got you moved out, the thoughtful fellow.” Clint said sarcastically and Silver took a deep breath.  
“Tell us where to go Silver, we’re all yours.” Natasha said with a small smile and Silver tried to return it, but she couldn’t make her face cooperate.  
“Pretty much anything that looks like it belongs to a girl can be packed. Thor doesn’t have very much, anything made of wood or stones is his.” Silver said and everyone nodded.  
“If someone could pack up the nursery and see that all the items are donated. Everything but the little wooden bassinet, which is Thor’s.” Silver added, clutching the small bunny close to her. Natasha nodded and headed that way with Bruce. Silver had accumulated more than she thought over time, but it still wasn’t a whole lot and her friends had managed to get everything, including her clothing packed up and moved out within a few hours.  
“You’re probably the only girl I know that doesn’t have five hundred pounds of clothes.” Sam said jokingly.   
“Nah, Thor was always the diva of the relationship anyway. His wardrobe is bigger than mine,” Silver said cracking a smile and Sam laughed, lugging away the last of her boxes.  
“Pepper is setting up one of the east wing apartments for you Silver, you’ll be on our side of the tower now!” Sam said with a smile and Steve chuckled.  
“The bachelor side you mean.” Steve said shoving Sam playfully. Silver turned to Clint, who met her eyes then looked down. His apartment was also on the east wing, he likely requested Silver be placed closer to him. She was surprised he hadn’t insisted that they bunk together.  
“I guess I am a bachelorette now aren’t I?” Silver said lightly as they waited for the elevator and Clint shook his head.   
“Nothing wrong with that.” He said as the elevator doors dinged open.  
“Not a damn thing wrong with that! We bachelors know how to have some serious fun!” Sam went on and Steve shook his head embarrassed.   
“I may have to hold you to that claim, Sam. I need some serious fun in my life right now. I can’t remember the last time I had fun.” Silver said and Sam smiled broadly.  
“We’re doing it then! Watch out! Party on the bachelor side!” Sam shouted and Clint cracked a smile as Steve continued to shake his head. When the elevator doors opened, Silver followed Clint down the winding corridor she recognized as the path to his apartment.  
“Tomorrow you can settle into the new place Silver, but tonight you’re with me.” Clint said Silver rolled her eyes, she should have known he would steal her for at least a night.  
“Okay Barton.” She said and he turned at her use of his surname, raising a blonde eyebrow at her.  
“What? You are being bossy.” She said in reply to his look.  
“Bossy?” He inquires, raising a blond eyebrow in question.  
“Okay, you are being an asshole.” Silver amends and Steve coughs to hide his laugh.  
“That’s why I like you Silver, you don’t hold back what you want to say.” Sam said with a laugh and turned down the opposite hall where she assumed her new apartment would be. Steve followed murmuring to Sam.  
“There is something about a dame who shoots straight with you.” Silver heard Steve say.   
“Dude, nobody says ‘Dame’ anymore!” Sam teased Steve as they disappeared from view. Clint stopped Silver outside his apartment blocking her way.  
“We going to do this forever?” Clint said anxiously and Silver frowned.  
“Do what?” Silver asked trying to shove past him into the apartment.  
“This passive aggressive attitude you have with me.” Clint told her, holding her against the wall gently, his hands pressing on her shoulders.  
“There is nothing passive about it. I am openly aggressive, I haven’t forgotten all the things you said. Now get your hands off me Barton.” She said and he let her go and she marched into his apartment and threw down her overnight bag by the door and looked around. It had been a while since she’d been in his apartment and little had changed. It was a smaller space then many of the other apartments, but he preferred it that way.   
He followed her into the living room, scooping up her dropped bag and disappearing into the room with it.  
“You are being an asshole you know. You can’t be a dick to me and assume I won’t return the favor.” Silver said when he came up behind her and gently touched her arm.  
“This is you being a dick?” Clint asks sarcastically.  
“You really wanna start now Barton? I do not have to stay with your dumb ass if that is the case. I am sure Sam and Steve would lend me their couch.” Silver says exasperated.  
“Yeah get a move on finding a new man right? Get over Thor, get under someone else?” Clint retorts.  
“Oh for fucks sake, move! I am leaving.” Silver says pushing past him towards the door but Clint locks a hand around her wrist and tugs her gently to him.  
“Get your fucking hands off me. I am not playing with you Barton.” She seethes.  
“I didn’t mean that I’m sorry!” Clint says miserably. “I always say the wrong shit!” He says and Silver shakes her head still trying to pull her wrist from his grip. She can hurt him, get him to let go, but she doesn’t really want to hurt him.  
“Okay, okay, I will shut my damn mouth! Just relax okay? I want you here, I want to be sure you are okay.” Clint said amicably and Silver found it hard to keep the anger for him going.  
“I am far from okay Clint, but I do appreciate that you care for me. I really do.” She said and he nodded in understanding.  
“But you say one more asshole thing like me looking for a new man, I am breaking your fucking face before heading to my new apartment, ready or not.” Silver says seriously.  
“Deal, I’m sorry. Really Silver, I am. I didn’t mean that.” Clint says.  
Silver slowly reacquaints herself with his living space. He kept things clean and orderly, but not militantly so. His few personal touches, she noted, were items she had either purchased with him, or given him as gifts. The few pictures that were framed included her in some measure. Her and Clint sitting in the park when they were young, Clint holding out a juice box for her. Silver remembered Clint’s mother taking the pic, trying to get them to look at the camera in vain. Another one was Clint and Chuck proudly holding up the first cake Clint had made on his own, a giant chocolate monstrosity that had tasted much better than it looked. Silver had taken the picture. The last was Silver, Chuck and Cosmo sitting in one of the diner booths with party hats on. It had been Cosmo’s declared birthday, the day he followed Silver home.   
Almost all their memories were wrapped up in each other. She really didn’t know who she was without Clint by her side in some capacity. She remembered when they had first come to live at the Compound and she had suggested that they share an apartment. He had outright refused, claiming he needed his own space. It had always been something that both hurt and confused her. Why didn’t he want to share the world with her as she did with him?  
“Why didn’t you want to room with me back when we first came?” Silver called as Clint returned to the living room.  
“What?” He asked blankly, taken aback by her sudden line of questioning.  
“When we came here initially, I said that we should just live together, why did you say no?” She elaborated and he shook his head.  
“I don’t know, I guess I thought we each needed our own space. Lord knows there is enough apartments here. It’s not like we wouldn’t see each other.” Clint said evasively.  
“Don’t lie, you are just as bad as me when it comes to lying. You are transparent.” Silver said and Clint sunk into the deep cushions of the crescent shaped sofa and sighed.  
“You weren’t ever going to branch out and grow if I kept you here under my wing. You had to keep on doing things on your own. Chuck had the right idea about that. He kept his eye on you, but he didn’t smother you as much as he wanted to.” Clint said.  
“Chuck is not the smothering type.” Silver laughed as she took in what Clint had told her. Had it been one of those, ‘If you love something, set it free’ things? She wasn’t sure what Clint meant.  
“He’s not, but you’re the type that makes people want to coddle you. I know you don’t need it, you don’t have to tell me. But there has always been something about you that makes people want to shelter you, a vulnerability I guess.” Clint said trying to find the right words to explain.  
“So what, I seem helpless to everyone?” Silver said feeling irritated, she automatically brought her hand up to the almost healed wound between her breasts and touched it absently.  
“Not at all.” Clint sighed and mumbled to himself. “How do I explain this?” Silver waited for him to figure it out.  
“You probably don’t know that you’ve got this innocence to you do you?” Clint asked and Silver shook her head confused. She was certainly not an innocent and the idea of people treating her like a helpless child without her even knowing made her feel pathetic in a whole new way.  
“The way you see the world, it’s bright and new and full of possibilities. You’ve always been that way. Nothing keeps you down for long, and you can always manage even a small smile.” Clint said and Silver couldn’t help the automatic smile that touched her lips, even feeling as low as she was, she smiled.  
“The only ones who really see the world that way are children Silver and children are innocent. So when we find someone like you, who still sees the bright side, who still has a sense of wonder to them, it’s natural for us to want to protect that. In our world where innocence is snuffed out like that,” Clint said snapping his fingers.  
“You are a breath of fresh air, you defied the odds.” Clint said and his words were surprisingly eloquent. Silver felt the tears welling in her eyes. She went over to Clint and collapsed into the couch cushions against him and sighed.  
“I don’t think I have that innocence anymore.” Silver told him softly and he pulled her tight against him.  
“That you think that, just proves you do.” He said with a soft chuckle and kissed the top of her head. Silver relaxed into his embrace and felt soothed for the first time in a while, even if it made her a pathetic helpless child.   
“I’m so sorry for all the stupid shit I said Silver. You’re the person I love the most in this whole damn world, I should have never tried to hurt you like that.” Clint said honestly and Silver loved this about him, he had no guile to him, he said what he meant, even if it was the wrong thing.  
“You just told me the truth, harshly, but still the truth.” Silver said breathing deeply his scent.  
“What I said about baby Loki though…I didn’t mean it that way. You have to know I would never have wished that pain on you. I would have loved the kid as much as I love you.” Clint said, his voice unsure. Apologies did not come easy for him, but he was genuinely trying and it touched her heart.  
“I know. It’s okay, I know.” Silver said tangling her fingers in his thick blonde hair and he closed his eyes.  
“I can’t stand us being mad at each other Silver. You are all I have in this world and it scares me to lose you. That’s why I’ve been such an ass, I have never been so close to losing you before. It makes me crazy, I don’t want to know what a world without you would be like.” He said softly and she scratched along his scalp gently with her nails.  
“You weren’t going to lose me. I’m too tough to die, or give up on you. I love a lost cause, you know.” She said with a wry chuckle and Clint opened his eyes and looked down at her searchingly.  
“You can be killed though Silver. Please remember that. I know you think you can take anything that gets thrown at you but one day it’s going to backfire and you’ll be dead.” Clint said.  
“I was going to jump back and save baby Loki.” Silver admitted in a whisper and Clint jerked upright and Silver startled back.  
“I thought we said you were never going to use that again.” Clint said tightly.  
“It would have been just a short jump, hardly noticeable. But then I remembered…I wouldn’t be able to save my baby, cause it would be this me that takes my own place, this damaged me.” She told Clint and he shook his head.  
“Things happen for a reason. We can’t change them. You think you know the effects of jumping back here and there, but we don’t. It could be taking more out of you then we think.” Clint said rehashing the old argument. The same argument she had heard a hundred times, every time she told him she jumped, or thought of jumping. She didn’t know why, but with Clint she had to tell the truth, they could be nothing but honest with each other.   
“It would have been worth any price if I could have saved him.” She told Clint and he didn’t argue.  
Clint and Silver spent the rest of the day, comfortable in each other’s presence in a way they hadn’t had in a while. Silver let herself forget for a time all the things that plagued her. She put aside the fact that she lost everything she wanted and accepted what she did have, Clint.   
The two of them made a taco dinner together in comfortable silence assembling their plates in synchronized harmony and Silver recalled the days of their youth, when they could lay together for hours, not needing to say a word.   
Clint’s communicator beeped just as they were sitting down to eat and he pressed his phone to his ear and listened to the update. He sighed and slipped the phone back into his pocket.  
“Thor left a few hours ago. Stark tried reasoning with him about Suren, but he won’t hear it. He said he is going to search day and night for her. I’m afraid of him actually finding her, he’s going to bring a lot of destruction in this epic hissy-fit of his.” Clint said and Silver listened feeling some of the peace she had gained in Clint’s presence drain away. She poked at her rice absently as Clint took a big bite of his taco and popped open his bottle of beer.  
“I was really worried with you alone over there with him Silver. Not even being a dick right now, I’m a just so fucking relieved you left him, he’s not stable right now.” Clint said mouth full and Silver looked down guiltily.  
“I didn’t leave him. He left me.” Silver confessed and Clint looked at her sharply, wiping his mouth with the linen napkins he laid out for them.  
“What do you mean?” He asks, after taking a drink of his beer.  
“Thor left me. I told him about me…not being able to have any more kids. He said that a woman who couldn’t give him any kids could not be his wife.” Silver said and Clint’s eyes lit up with rage.  
“Who the fuck does he think he is? How dare he say that to you!” Clint shouted and Silver flinched.  
“I’m sorry Silver, but he’s a dick. No other way to put it. He doesn’t deserve you, he never has. The right guy isn’t going to give a shit if you can have kids or not.” Clint told her reaching forward across the small table to grasp her shoulder gently. Silver knew he meant well, but she couldn’t believe his words. Thor had been the first and only man to show her more than a passing interest, and she was sure that she couldn’t be that lucky twice. Men had never shown her much attention, she was always just a little too off to be considered normal.  
“It’s not like guys were lining up before I met Thor.” Silver grumbled and Clint looked away guiltily this time, taking a long drink from his beer this time.  
“What?” Silver asked, arms crossed defensively.  
“I may have scared a few away.” Clint admitted.  
“What?” Silver asked unbelieving.   
“Anytime I saw a guy get close, I politely shooed him away. Though Thor never seemed to get the idea when I tried with him.” Clint said simply and Silver stared at him in disbelief.  
“Why?” She asked and Clint shrugged.  
“Guy has a thick skull, wouldn’t take a hint.” Clint said and Silver shook her head.  
“No, that’s not what I meant. Why did you try to scare them away?” Silver asked directly.  
“You’re my best friend, my only true family. I thought if you went off with some guy, you’d forget about me. Which happened anyway, but hey what can you do?” Clint said, sounding slightly defeated.  
“I did not forget about you when Thor came along!” Silver said indignantly.  
“No, but you couldn’t exactly spend all your free time with another guy and not make Thor or any other guy jealous could you?” Clint said.  
“Do you think I neglected you this whole time?” Silver asked curiously.  
“Well…” Clint began hesitantly.  
“You can say it.” Silver pressed.  
“If it wasn’t me keeping close and making the effort to see you and be around you, I don’t think you would have come searching me out.” Clint said and Silver frowned, wondering if that were true.  
“I would have. I need you in my life Clint. I always have. I may be good at pretending I’m fine without you, but it has always been hard being apart from you. No one else has ever made me feel like that.” Silver said and even though he said no more on the subject, she could tell her words pleased him.   
Clint took another big bite of his taco and shoved the remaining piece into his mouth before he finished chewing and Silver couldn’t help but grin. She loved the way men ate, so unapologetic and simple. She picked up her own taco and took a bite, not as big as his but enough to cause her cheeks to bulge in an effort to chew with her mouth closed.  
“There you go! You need to eat more, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this small.” Clint said happily, when his mouth was no longer full.  
“You mean you’re used to me being fat.” Silver said easily, continuing to eat. She may have lost a little of the padding she had held before she was pregnant, but she was still by no means considered a small woman. Only a little shorter than Clint’s averagely humble five-eleven, and probably the same weight as him, she had only ever felt small in Thor’s hulking presence.  
“You are not fat. You’re just not a toothpick. Plus your chest is probably what makes you look bigger than you are, your boobs are pretty big.” Clint said lightly and Silver reached over and smacked him across the head playfully.  
“It is not polite to tell a girl she has big boobs! Believe me, I know they are big! I get the back aches to prove it.” Silver laughed and Clint smiled sheepishly.  
“I meant it as a compliment!” He said and Silver laughed harder, struggling to take a breath. When she finally calmed herself, and wiped away tears of laughter, Clint was shaking his head at her.  
“What?” She asked smiling.  
“Nothing, just haven’t heard you laugh in a long time. It’s nice.” He said.  
“I miss being happy, sometimes it’s like I don’t even remember what it was like. I was happy though, when little Loki was growing and I had it all planned out. It was hard but I was happy. How did that go away so fast?” She asked.  
“It’ll come back. That’s the way happiness is, it comes and it goes. You’ll be happy again, I will make sure you are.” He promised and Silver hoped he was right.  
Silver slept beside Clint that night in his soft queen sized bed. He kept his room cool, opting to sleep with the windows open, so that the night air blew in on them and the scent of nature comforted Silver. They shared his dark grey comforter and had become entwined during the night, her chest pressed to his back, his hand holding hers against his own chest, his heart beat thudding rhythmically against the skin of her palm.


	15. Better Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More memories of not so bad times.

She dreamed of the night Clint had taken her virginity years ago. He hadn’t wanted to, she had to practically beg him, but it could be no one else for her but him. They hadn’t seen each other in nearly a year, he had been busy with his apprenticeship and she had been living with and working with Chuck. The older man had adopted Silver.   
He was the father she had needed her whole life, someone who loved and cared about her with none of the hate her real father had felt for her.   
The adoption process was slightly tedious as she had been marked as a runaway, but took only a few months to complete with Chuck’s military record and good-standing. When all was official and she became Silver Lane Aveyard, daughter of Charles Phillip Aveyard, she called Clint with the news, excited for him to meet Chuck. He told her that he had some spare time and could borrow a car to visit her for the weekend and she could hardly contain herself, she must have driven Chuck crazy with her constant talk of Clint over the months, but as the weekend of his visit approached, she rattled on and on about him endlessly.  
“This kid better be the god damned messiah by the way you talk about him.” Chuck joked one day and Silver wondered if Clint would be upset with her going on and on about him, but she couldn’t help it, she’d idolized him her whole life.  
“He’s just about the best guy I know, aside from you Chuck. He’s going to be someone, someday you watch. He is smart and fast and observant, he’s got a great sense of humor.” Silver went on.   
“You sound head-over-heels for him kid. You sure you ain’t in love with this boy?” Chuck asked quirking an eyebrow at her. Silver tilted her head in wonder, was she in love with Clint? She knew without a doubt that she loved him, but was that the same as being in love?  
“I love him, I don’t know what being in love feels like, but he’s the thing I love the most in the world.” Silver said with a shrug and Chuck gave a small laugh and left her to her dish washing duties.  
Clint arrived that Friday in the evening, after the diner had closed for the night and Silver bounced down the steps when she heard the doorbell ring.  
“Slow it down kid, you’ll break your neck.” Chuck said beating her to the door and opening it without preamble.  
“Come on in son.” Chuck said before Silver could shove past him.   
Clint looked taller than she remembered, his sandy blonde hair cropped shorter than she’d ever seen him wear it. His shoulders had broadened and his arms were strong with muscle from all his hard work. He wore a faded heather gray tee and well-worn denim jeans, with a pair of new leather boots. He had his backpack slung over one shoulder and a small box in one hand and a purple stuffed bunny in the other. He shuffled the bunny to the other arm and held out his hand for Chuck who took it appraisingly, giving it a firm squeeze.  
“Clint Barton Sir, a pleasure to meet you.” Clint said formally.  
“Charles Aveyard, but you can call me Chuck. This one does.” Chuck said nodding in Silver’s direction. She had been bouncing behind Chuck, waiting to greet Clint.  
“Clint! Clint! Clint!” Silver squealed and lunged into Clint’s arms, knocking the contents of his hands to the floor and holding him tightly. His arms wrapped around her gently as she breathed in the smell of him she had missed. He smelt of the road, like dust and car, but under he had that Clint smell that Silver knew was uniquely Clint.  
“Hey kiddo. Missed me?” He asked softly and Silver suddenly began to cry and Clint’s grip tightened around her. She had been through a lot since she had last seen him, but all of it went away when he spoke to her. She had been close to giving up so many times, but the thought of him being disappointed in her kept her going and now she was doing okay.   
She made it through and found Chuck, a dad who made up for sixteen years with her shitty real dad. With Clint here, she felt so happy and complete, she couldn’t contain her tears.  
“Aww, don’t cry sweetheart. I’m sorry I haven’t visited, but I missed you every day.” Clint soothed and she tried to say something but only cried some more.  
“Hey now, you’re making me look bad in front of your new dad. What kind of guy makes a girl cry?” Clint said and Silver had to laugh and that promptly stopped her tears. Clint held onto her for a few moments longer than pulled her away to look her over.  
“Well, you don’t look seventeen but I guess you must be cause your birthday was two weeks ago. I brought you these.” He said reaching down to retrieve the fallen box and bunny. Silver hugged the bunny to her and smiled happily.  
“You remembered?” She said happily as Clint pressed the box into her hands.  
“Of course. You didn’t forget my birthday, I got your card and candy by the way, thank you. I had to fight some of the guys to keep them from eating it all.” He said softly. His birthday was only a few weeks before hers. Silver’s hands shook as she opened the small box and revealed the delicate silver necklace with a tiny silver arrow in the center.  
“It’s silver for you and an arrow for me. Best friends for eternity.” He said in barely a whisper and she turned so that he could drape it around her neck. She smiled and hugged Clint once more. He mumbled to her “Sweet seventeen and never been kissed.” And then gave her a peck on the cheek. She giggled and shoved him away, he knew full well he had kissed her ages ago.  
“That’s not how the saying goes!” Silver said laughing, then turning to show Chuck the necklace Clint had given her.  
“Wow, that’s really something. Looks great on you. Why didn’t you tell me your birthday passed? I would have made you a cake.” Chuck said and Silver shook her head.  
“I didn’t want you to think I expected anything. You’ve already done enough for me.” Silver said shyly.  
“Don’t be ridiculous! Tomorrow we’ll have cake and celebrate. You’re only seventeen once.” Chuck said with a small smile and patted Silver’s shoulder.  
“Okay, you two go ahead and catch up for a bit. I’ll go finish dinner. Hope you’re hungry Clint.” Chuck said.  
“Yes sir, starving.” Clint said eyes never leaving Silver as Chuck nodded his approval and disappeared into the kitchen.  
“Cool guy. You like it here? It’s a little humid for my taste but it’s charming.” Clint said pulling Silver into another hug, this one careful and just for them.  
“Yeah I like it.” Silver said softly and Clint nodded against her shoulder.  
“I’ve missed you Silver-Star. You don’t know how good it is to see a familiar face.” Clint told her.  
“Believe me, I do.” Silver said through a strained laugh. She was fighting the urge not to cry again.  
“Don’t start those crocodile tears again, I’m right here and I’ve missed you like crazy.” Clint scolded her and she willed away the tears.  
“So tell me everything. You hardly wrote back so I’m not sure exactly what you’ve been up to.” She said pulling him to the couch to sit, and dropping herself down beside him.  
“I wanted to write more, but you know how hard it is for me to articulate on paper what I want to say, let alone write it legibly.” Clint said. She understood, he was never one to plan what he was going to say beforehand, so letter writing went against the grain for him. He had also struggled with dyslexia his entire life and believed himself stupid for the longest time because of it.  
“It’s okay, really. I understand. So talk!” She said excitedly.  
“Did you have too much sugar today Silver? You are way too hyper!” Clint said with a laugh and Cosmo comes lopping out of the kitchen and leaps into Clint’s lap and he jumps back startled, but then relaxes and runs a hand through the dog’s shaggy mane.  
“Sorry, he thinks he’s a lap dog. Down Cosmo, you know better.” Silver says and Cosmo looks down guiltily and climbs down from Clint’s lap and lays on the floor sadly.  
“Where did this guy come from huh?” Clint says sinking to the floor to play with Cosmo who wags his tail excitedly.  
“He’s my new best friend, since my old one can’t even tell me about his life without me choking it out of him.” Silver says pouting. She wants to know everything Clint has been up to since they have been apart. She knows the basics from his few short letters and phone calls, but no real details.  
“Oh hush you brat, I’ll tell you anything you wanna know okay? Just no choking.” Clint says and Cosmo licks his face.  
“Well then talk!” Silver says sinking to the floor with him and pulling Cosmo away from him. The big dog lays his head in her lap and sighs in disappointment.  
“Okay where should I start?” Clint says sarcastically and Silver punches him in the gut playfully.  
“Geeze, okay! I work doing crap all day long, but at the end of the day, when I’m almost too tired to move, I get my training sessions. Its hard work and the old man doesn’t take it easy on me, but I’ve learned a lot. I can shoot blindfolded, upside-down, and every which way in between.” Clint says and Silver nods, encouraging him to go on.  
“There isn’t much to tell Silver. I work and I train and every once in a while I join the guys for a drink. This is what my life consist of.” Clint tells her.  
“Have you gotten hurt training?” She asks and he hesitates.  
“A little. Nothing major though. A few broken bones here and there, a miscalculation jumping from one wall to the other and bam! Three of my ribs are broken and my ankle twisted. I bounced back from that quickly though, not as quick as you would but you know, quickly for a normal human.” Clint joked and Silver punched him again, this time harder.  
“I am a normal human!” Silver snaps.  
“Uh-huh. I believe you. Oh hey, does Chuck know? I mean he has to have noticed how weird you are right?” Clint asks sitting up straighter.  
“I don’t know how to tell him. He’ll think I’m crazy.” Silver says looking down.  
“Tell me what kid? I already know you’re crazy, so what’s this you got to tell me?” Chuck asks from the doorway mildly, wiping his hands on a dishcloth and Silver feels her stomach drop heavily.  
“Uh..” Silver blanks on what to say, how to tell him.  
“Just show him Silver, something simple.” Clint encourages her and she sighs and trembles.  
“Chuck I’m going to show you something but you better sit down okay?” She says and he automatically takes a seat in the armchair and waits, unafraid. Silver pulls up the memory of her and Clint as children. Chuck makes a strangled sound in his throat as the vision plays before his eyes. He watches as she and Clint, only eight and twelve, climb dangerously high into a tree. When she misplaces her foot and falls from the tree, Clint’s face full of fear as she plummets to the ground with him helpless to stop it. She hits the packed dirt with a crack, her leg breaks and the air is knocked from her lungs as she lay sprawled on the ground.  
Clint scrambles down half-way then leaps to the ground beside her, agile even at twelve. His brow is creased in worry as he looks over the damage he knew he saw from the top of the tree. Instead, Silver sits up and cries as her leg mends itself quickly before their eyes. She had healed minor injuries before, but never though anything of it. This day, she realized how different she was.  
“You’re okay.” Clint says blankly.  
“Yeah. I do that sometimes.” She says simply.  
“What else can you do?” Clint asks and she grins. Silver ends the memory there and Chuck blinks away the scene and looks to her, head tilted in wonder.  
“I can show people my memories.” Silver says simple.  
“A whole lot more than that it seems.” Chuck says with a whistle.  
“She can heal herself pretty quickly.” Clint offers.  
“I saw. What else?” Chuck asks and Silver hesitates.  
“She can hide her own flaws. Show him Silver, you don’t need to cover anymore.” Clint said easily. He learned to see past her cover, but she still kept it up for Chuck’s sake. She let it down and felt a relief like she was taking off a hot sweaty mask after a long hot day.  
Chuck’s eyes roved over her, taking in all that she had hidden. The hundreds of random scars that littered her body from head to toe. Some small, some large but all starkly visible.  
“What in the world? How did you get all these? Who hurt you sweetheart?” Chuck asked, voice strained.  
“Some of them are from accidents of my own, like the tree. Most of them though, are from my real dad. He didn’t like me very much and had no issues showing me.” Silver said and Clint’s face had tightened at mention of Derek Nichols, the man formally known as Silver’s father.  
“Your own dad? That’s rough kid. Man. I mean I knew it had to be something like that but jesus, I am sorry sweetheart.” Chuck sighed.  
“He’s dead now, I ran away after the funeral before they could send me to a foster home.” Silver said not letting what they were discussing penetrate her, she didn’t want to think of that man, not when she had two people who loved her right here.  
“So you hide these all day, every day? Doesn’t it get tiring?” Chuck asks.  
“Yeah sometimes, but it saves me some awkward looks and questions. Also, I hate the pity in people’s eyes when they see them. So it’s easier to wear the mask. I’m used to it.” Silver says with a shrug.  
“Tell him what else you can do. He’s your dad now, he should know.” Clint urges her and she drops her head heavily in preparation of explaining the next one. She had refused the Doctor’s visit Chuck had set up for her and he never asked questions, so he deserved the real truth now.  
“I have an extra heart Chuck, it’s not just extra though. It serves a function of its own. It’s what helps me heal so quickly and it also lets me do something Clint and I call Jumps.” Silver explained and Clint shot her a look.  
“What?” She says.  
“You know what. You can just tell him about this one, you don’t have to show it.” Clint says and Silver sighs. He hates her to ever use her Jumps, the danger too great.  
“Jumps are little leaps into the past. I can only go back, and not very far back cause it makes me sick.” Silver explains, head aching just remembering the pain associated with Jumping.  
“Plus things get messed up, like in time travel movies.” Clint says and Silver nods in agreement.  
“So you have an extra heart which enables you to heal quickly and make these Jumps and you can put a cover over yourself, hiding your scars. Anything else I should know?” Chuck jokes shakily, he is a seasoned military man, but her revelations have shaken him. She wishes she could say there was nothing more and let him process the rest in peace, but she can’t keep him in the dark about the most dangerous part of her.  
“I don’t know how to explain this one.” Silver says looking to Clint.  
“I’ll try.” Clint says thinking for a moment.  
“Okay, so she has what I call, these sort of fits. They are rare and for the most part, I can calm her down before they get bad but when they do occur, they are very dangerous. She can send out these waves of heat, energy sort of, that will break your bones, but that’s not the worst of it. If she goes into a full-on rage, she can topple buildings, turn everything to ash.” Clint explained and Silver kept her head down in shame. She hated this part of her, the dangerous part, the killing part.  
“Has she…Have you ever done serious damage?” Chuck asked hesitantly. He noted how talking of this made her feel and he didn’t want to bring her further pain, but he had to know.  
“I burned our school down. It was one of those that was all three schools in one, so it was kids from kinder to seniors. I killed everyone inside at the time. It was the first time I made a serious Jump as well. I had to fix it, no matter what.” Silver said. She had indeed fixed what she had caused, but she still saw faces of her classmates as she screamed out in rage and let the walls crumble to ash around them.   
Clint only recalled, because she had shown him the memory when she returned after righting things. She was thankful he didn’t know what it was like first hand, she was thankful he didn’t remember her killing him along with their other classmates. Many of the scars she wore today, were from that day and would always serve as a constant reminder of the destruction she was capable of.  
“I couldn’t control it then, but after that incident Clint and I worked very hard to keep my emotions in check so that it never happened again.” Silver said and Chuck nodded slowly and Silver waited for him to freak out. She waited for him to tell her she had to leave, that she was a monster.  
“Well Kiddo, you can’t help what you’re born with. As long as you strive to improve yourself, and to keep yourself in check, what more can a person ask of you?” Chuck said and Silver looked up, eyes wide. Clint was looking at Chuck with new eyes, like he had passed some secret test and he now approved of him.  
“I never want to hurt anyone again Chuck, I swear I’m always going to keep to that.” Silver said and Chuck stood up and nodded again.  
“Okay, dinner should be about done. Let’s all head to the kitchen.” Chuck said and Silver stood and flew into his arms, hugging him tightly and he looked down shocked for a moment, then he returned the hug, squeezing her firmly and Silver began to cry as relief flooded her. She had been so afraid of Chuck hating her for something she couldn’t help that she built it up in her head.  
“Don’t cry sweetheart. You may not be my kid by blood Silver, but you’re my kid now and I’ve got your back okay?” Chuck said and Silver nodded against him.  
“Okay, dry up those tears, nobody cries while eating my pot roast.” Chuck added and let Silver go with a pat to her shoulder, clearly uncomfortable with shows of emotion.  
The three of them filed into the small kitchen and Clint pulled Silver’s chair out for her, something he had done since they were in grade school and he saw it in one of his old movies. She smiled at him, glad now that he had made her tell Chuck about herself. She could always trust him to challenge her, to never just leave things be. Chuck served them each a heaping plate and then himself before sitting down at the head of the small table. He said a quick prayer and Silver bowed her head obligingly, not really familiar with the tradition until coming here. She spied Clint doing the same, as respectful as ever.  
After dinner, Silver grabbed Clint’s pack and he followed her to her room in the basement.  
“Hey wait whoa, he staying in your room? We have the guest-room.” Chuck said uneasily.  
“It’s full of all your junk, and that bed is hard as a rock. You wouldn’t even let me sleep in there when I first came remember? He’s not staying in there.” Silver said easily, oblivious to Chuck’s discomfort.  
“Okay, well how about the sofa?” Chuck said and Clint began to look uneasy now, shifting from one foot to the other and Silver looked from one man to the other, confused.  
“Chuck, he can stay with me in my room. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before!” She said obliviously to Chuck then Clint.  
“Uh Silver I can sleep on the sofa.” Clint said looking down embarrassed.  
“No! What are you acting like this for? I haven’t seen you in almost a year! You are staying with me.” Silver said sternly and Clint looked at Chuck and shrugged, defeated before following Silver down the steps to her room.  
“What the hell was that all about?” Silver asked puzzled. She tossed his pack beside her bed and placed the stuffed purple bunny on her bedside table.  
“Silver he’s your dad now. You can’t just bring guys down to stay with you and expect him to not bat an eyelash. Especially older guys.” Clint said and Silver laughed.  
“You are twenty-one, I don’t think the four years you have on me makes you an older man!” Silver said chuckling now.  
“And it’s not like I’m going to be bringing a bunch of guys down here, it’s just you.” Silver told him.   
“Whatever Silver. I’m just telling you what he is probably getting at.” Clint said.  
“Oh shut up already. I’m going to put on my pajamas then you can tell me some more about your new life.” Silver said and plucked a pair of shorts and a sleep tee from her drawers and went to the bathroom to change. When she returned Clint was inspecting her belongings curiously.  
“You want to take a shower?” Silver asked from behind him.  
“Huh?” He said turning to her dazed.  
“A shower? You’ve been driving, you probably want to wash the road off you right?” Silver said, unsure as to why he was confused by her suggestion.  
“Yeah, a shower sounds great.” He said and scooped up his pack and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Silver to gaze at what had been the object of his attention. A photo strip of the two of them from little over a year ago. It was one of the last times they were together before he left, he had taken her to the carnival to say goodbye and they had taken pictures in one of the small photo booths that littered the place. In the first one they both looked surprised, unprepared for the sudden flash of the bulbs. Clint’s eyes were wide and unguarded and his mouth was slightly parted as he looked at Silver. She had been tucking her hair behind her ear and the photo caught her with her head bowed and eyes closed.   
The second photo they were better prepared, Silver pressed close to Clint and he had his arm around her shoulder as they smiled into the camera. In the third, she pretended to bite his face and he feigned shock and had his hands up as if trying to push her away. In the last her faux bite turned into a loving peck on the cheek and Clint was caught mid laugh, eyes closed in happiness as his hands settled in her hair. Silver smiled at the happy memory, Clint always knew how to bring a smile to her face.  
“You been standing there the whole time?” Clint asked from the bathroom door.  
“You’ve only been in there for two minutes idiot. I’ll never understand how men take such quick showers.” Silver said turning to look at Clint as he tugged another soft gray tee over his head, his short hair still wet. He wore a pair of loose sweatpants that fell low on his hips until he tugged them up a little and tightened the drawstring and Silver sighed audibly.  
“What?” He asked, shaking drops of water from his hair.  
“Nothing, you just look good. Got nice and buff in your time away.” Silver said slyly.  
“I’ve always been buff.” Clint said jokingly flexing his biceps.  
“Hmm, let me see then.” Silver said coming over to feel his arms. He smiled indulgently at her as she let her hands roam from his arms to his shoulders, then down his chest.  
“No, I definitely think this is some new buffness going on.” Silver giggled and Clint grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer.  
“And what about you Silver-Star? Where did all these curves come from?” He asked stroking a hand up her side, from the curve of her hip to the dip of her waist.  
“Losing some of the baby fat, growing some adult fat, you know how it goes.” Silver joked and Clint shook his head.  
“All that adult fat going to your butt? I don’t remember it being that huge.” Clint said giving her butt a playful smack.  
“Hey! You can’t call my ass fat! Only I can call my ass fat!” Silver said pretending to be indignant.  
“It’s a compliment, believe me.” Clint assured her.  
“Ugh.” Silver growled.  
“What can I say? I appreciate a healthy ass.” Clint said.  
“Whatever Barton!” Silver said embarrassed and collapsed onto her bed and he followed suit.  
“So any exotic beauties I should be terribly jealous of?” Silver asked jokingly, kind of hoping he would say no.  
“Eh, a few. No one special though.” He said easily and Silver felt her curiosity rise.  
“Oh? Do tell. I have to know if you were breaking hearts.” Silver said.  
“They are the heartbreakers, those women are something else. They leave me feeling used! I’m only fresh meat to them, once they had a bite, they move on.” Clint said with a laugh.  
“Wait, you don’t mean…You didn’t have sex with them did you?” Silver asked nervously, feeling her face grow hot.  
“Well we weren’t playing monopoly that’s for sure.” Clint said with a barking laugh.  
“How many of these girls did you sleep with?” Silver asked, trying to sound casual.  
“Oh I don’t know. A fair few I guess. I was the cute new kid, eager to learn whatever they wanted to teach me. So naturally they flocked to me.” Clint said conversationally.  
“But no one special?” Silver asked and he grinned at her.  
“You know you’re the only girl for me.” He said and she smiled broadly.  
“Good answer Mr. Barton. Good answer.” Silver said and he laughed.  
“What about you? Have you broken any hearts? No one better have broken yours or I’ll kill them.” Clint said easily and Silver almost lied just to see what he would say.  
“You’re the only one I’ll ever let near either of my hearts.” Silver said dramatically and Clint rose up on his knees in her bed.  
“Are you proclaiming your undying love for me?” He asked grandly. Silver joined him on her knees and placed her hand over her heart.  
“I am proclaiming my undying love for you! Forever and for always. If you deny my love, I shall wither away and die! Life is of no use if it’s not filled with your love!” Silver said loudly.  
“And I declare that should a night come when you no longer love me, may the lord take me before I have to wake up and face the world without your love!” Clint said in a singsong voice.  
“Bravo! Though that sounded an awful lot like that Winnie the Pooh quote. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus a day so that I never had to live a day without you.” Silver said and Clint fell back into the bed laughing.   
“Winnie the Pooh? Really?” Clint choked, eyes watering from laughter.  
“What? It’s sweet.” Silver said pouting.  
“It is, it is.” Clint insisted upon seeing her face.  
“Mr. Barton? Since we have just declared in the best way we know, our undying love for one another, I have a rather seriously important request to make of you.” Silver said. She felt entirely more confident asking him this way, as if it were a game. It was a request she held since she knew what sex was. She had always wanted Clint to be the first person to touch her, to her there was no better way for them complete the deep set friendship they had.  
“Ask and ye shall receive.” Clint said holding his belly after so much laughter. She hoped he still felt that way after she spoke the words aloud. She remained kneeling beside his prone form and took a deep breath.  
“I, Silver Lane Aveyard would like to cordially invite thee, Clinton Francis Barton to…” She trailed off, unable to make the words come. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stand to have him refuse her.  
“Go on.” Clint said eyeing her curiously.  
“Never mind. It was stupid.” Silver said shaking her head after losing her nerve. She slunk down onto the bed, her butt resting on her heels, feeling deflated before she had even been refused.  
“Oh come on! Now I can’t let it go! Look at that beautiful blush you’ve got going on! What on earth has got you so worked up?” Clint asked with a laugh. He rose up on his forearms, his body still reclined across her bed, to stare at her with eyes full of amusement. She had been so close to just saying it, to asking him and now that he knew she wanted to ask something, he wouldn’t let it go. She tried the playfully distant voice she used before and spoke.  
“Mr. Barton, I want to invite you to be my first.” She said burning with embarrassment. He tilted his head in puzzlement.  
“You’re First? Like in a duel?” Clint asked unsure and Silver let out a strangled laugh. He was ruining this with his stupid medieval obsession.   
“No! That’s not a first, it’s called a Second in a duel but that’s not what I meant.” Silver said.  
“So what do you mean-oh.” He said and when he put it together, his body lost its relaxed posture and he sat up all the way.  
“You better be joking.” Clint said tightly.  
“Why? What’s so bad about wanting you to be the first one huh?” Silver said.  
“You have got to be kidding Silver! People do not seriously asks things like this.” Clint said.  
“Whatever! Forget it! I told you it was stupid, that’s why I didn’t want to say it!” Silver shouted and scrambled from the bed away from him.   
“Why would you even want to ask? I’m your best friend. Why me?” Clint asked and he may not have meant it to come out in a biting way, but the effect was all the same. She turned to him fuming.  
“I just always thought it’d be you!” Silver seethed, her face burned in anger now and Clint's face softens a bit.  
“You’re just a kid Silver. You don’t know what you’re asking.” Clint said shakily, as he crawled from her bed.  
“Oh and you do? Cause your Mr. Worldly now that you’ve screwed a few carnie whores?” Silver snapped and he balked at her words, clearly not expecting her to fight him on this.  
“It’s cool Clint. No worries. I’ll find someone else. Just thought I would ask you first.” She said mellowing after she got out her anger, the lie coming easily to her tongue. She would do no such thing, the idea of finding someone she could be as intimate with as she had been with Clint her whole life was next to impossible. She folded herself on the small loveseat that Chuck had found for her room and looked over to Clint blankly.  
“Someone else? Like who?” Clint said and she watched as his hands opened and closed in fists and even his bare feet against the carpeted floor were clenched in anger, toes curled as if he were preparing to pounce.  
“I don’t know! Cute boys come into the diner all the time flirting with me! Who knows? It’s none of your business now Clint. If you don’t want to share this with me, you don’t get to ask questions.” She said irritably.   
“Silver…” He said warningly and she looked over at him innocently.  
“I’m not good enough for you Clint, okay, I get it. I’m nothing like the women you must have been with. You want a hot carnival girl who’ll rock your world and leave you like trash in the morning. Fine.” Silver said.  
“Oh my fucking god Silver! It’s not that you aren’t good enough! You’re too good for me. I can hardly believe someone as good as you is even in my life sometimes. I’m not even good enough to be your friend. I only fuck those girls because they are trash like me!” Clint said, his face red and neck muscles bulging. Silver looked at him sadly. Why did they both not see their own worth? She thought as she patted the small cushion beside her, beckoning Clint over to her.  
“I’m sorry Clint. I didn’t mean to make this into a big thing. I just wanted my first time to be with someone I love. Someone I will always love. How many people can say that?” She said and Clint sat down beside her and shook his head.  
“I’m sorry I got so pissed. I’m not mad at you because I don’t want to do it. I’m mad at myself because I do want to. I want to very badly.” He said honestly and Silver froze, not believing her ears.  
“You do? Really?” Silver asked shyly. She had hoped in some small part that she might actually be able to convince him to sleep with her, but she never thought he might actually desire her.  
“I mean, I know I’m no svelte seductress or anything.” Silver added patting her thick thighs.  
“Some guys like a girl with a healthy figure.” Clint said shrugging embarrassed and Silver had to laugh. She was a healthy girl all right, but no one had ever claimed to appreciate it.  
“So is this a yes?” Silver asked hopefully and Clint shook his head with a sigh.  
“I don’t know kid. I really feel like this is a bad idea.” Clint said and Silver wiggled closer to him.   
“Teen’s talking about having sex is rarely a good idea.” Silver said in a mock serious voice, then giggled.  
“I’m not a teen anymore Silver. I’m a grown man now. But you, your still a kid. I shouldn’t take this from you. It’s your innocence.” He said uneasily.  
“Don’t be so melodramatic! You’re such a drama queen Clint. My innocence isn’t going away with my hymen!” Silver said and Clint cringed at her words.  
“What? I’m too young for sex but you get grossed out by my saying ‘Hymen’?” Silver asked incredulously.  
“Just don’t say that word again and we’ve got a deal.” Clint said and Silver shot to her feet.  
“Seriously? You are accepting my cordially invitation to be my first?” Silver said happily.  
“You don’t have to scream it, but yeah. I agree.” Clint grumbled like she had talked him into shoveling snow with her and he knew he was going to regret it later.  
“So then, should we get to it?” Silver asked and Clint made a choking sound.   
“Geeze Silver, you don’t…ah why do I bother? We both know you’re weird. Does Chuck check in on you? It would be pretty awkward if he walked in on us doing exactly what he thought we’d be doing.” Clint said and Silver shook her head.  
“Why would he think that?” Silver asked puzzled.  
“Did you miss that whole exchange where he tried his damnedest to keep me from sleeping in your room?” Clint asked and Silver laughed.   
“Is that what that was about? I was so confused!” Silver said happily.  
“How can you be so smart and so clueless at the same time?” Clint asked and Silver shrugged and got to her feet stretching her arms up until her belly showed.  
“Do you have any condoms?” Silver asked suddenly as she let her arms drop to her sides and Clint blushed this time, even his scalp turning pink under his short blonde hair.  
“Why does that make you blush? It’s a legitimate question!” Silver insisted and Clint got to his feet, shaking his head and went in search of his rucksack. He knelt before the pack and riffled through the mess of tees and scattered pairs of socks and pulled on a pair of black jeans till he could reach inside the pockets. He dug his hand inside the first pocket and came up empty handed, but the next pocket yielded a handful of gold foil packets, condoms. Silver hoped he hadn’t noticed the hitch in her breath or the trembling in her hands when he produced the packets. She didn’t want him to think she was changing her mind.  
Clint dropped the packets on her bedside table and she had enough sense not to ask why he carried so many condoms. She didn’t need to imagine him with other women right now. He shoved his clothing back into his pack as Silver slowly approached her bed and sat on the corner. Clint stood and looked her over nervously.  
“You one hundred percent sure sweetheart? It’s never too late to say no.” He told her.  
“I’m sure.” She insisted, standing up again to kick down her sleep shorts and tug her sweater over her head, leaving her in her sleep shirt and panties. Clint dropped his head and closed his eyes for a second before joining her on the edge of the bed, as if he needed to prepare himself.  
“Anything you don’t like, or if you just want me to stop, just say the word.” He said and she nodded in agreement. Clint sighed and shrugged out of his tee, balling the fabric and tossing it to the floor and lay back onto her bed, his head resting on her pillows. She looked back at him curiously before he motioned for her to join him. Scooting back, she lay parallel to him and smiled.  
“What now?” She asked eagerly.  
“Now you shut up long enough for me to kiss you.” He said and she snapped her mouth closed, feeling any words she had dry up on her tongue as his lips pressed softly against hers. The heat from his body could be felt even though they lay inches apart on the bed and she wiggled closer so that her body was flush against his as he deepened the kiss.   
She had kissed him before, dozens of times before. Chaste kisses, not so chaste kisses. The first time she got drunk after he snuck them into a nightclub in the city, she kissed him for the whole club to see and he was encouraged to deepen the kiss by the cheering crowd. She felt that kiss down to her bones and this new kiss was no different. She melted into it as his tongue explored the cavity of her mouth, tentative at first then more insistent as their breathing became more labored.  
His hands made a slow decent down her body. He gently felt every dip and curve of her body to her knee, then back up again, stopping at the side of her breast.   
“Take this off.” He demanded of her, indicating her loose tee shirt. She lifted herself slightly and he helped her tug the fabric over her head.   
“Better.” He said looking down at her appraisingly and she let her hands roam his chest, down to his taut stomach and she felt him tremble. When she tugged on his sweatpants, he gently batted her hands away.  
“We are in no rush Silver. Take it easy.” He said and she sighed impatiently.  
“You’ll be glad for this part later sweetheart.” Clint insisted.  
“Why?” She questioned as his finger brushed over her breasts fleetingly and she took a deep breath.  
“I’m making sure you’re well prepared for me.” He whispered laying a gentle kiss to her throat and she swallowed.  
“I’m already prepared, I told you I am sure. I swear I am not going to change my mind.” She insisted naively and Clint laughed.   
“Shit Silver, you always make me spell it out for you. I’m making sure you’re wet for me.” He said his breath warm against her neck and two of his fingers closed unexpectedly around her nipple and squeezed. She let out a surprised gasp at both the sensation and what he had just said, sure that if she wasn’t already burning up, she would be blushing.  
“Oh.” Was all she said as his head dipped and he took her nipple into his mouth and suckled hard, eliciting a series of soft gasps from her.  
“You smell so good Silver, how do you always smell so good?” He murmured against her skin, his nose brushing the soft skin beneath her breast. She shook her head, wanting to tell him how he was the one who always smelled amazing, but she could only manage a moan as he licked beneath each of her breasts in turn. He took his time lavishing attention on her breasts, cupping them, as if luxuriating in the feel of them heavy in his hand before squeezing them softly, circling each nipple alternatively. Boys and their breast obsession, She thought. But was enjoying the attention none the less.  
“I think I’m prepared now.” She sighed breathlessly and Clint let out a strangled laugh. A deep burning feeling had begun low in her abdomen and clamping her legs together did little to alleviate it, she wanted more, needed more. Clint chuckled again at her eagerness and his hands explored lower, kneading her gently through her panties.  
“You think you’re prepared?” He repeated and his hand rested over the front of her panties, heat radiating against his palm.  
“Are you wet for me?” He whispered gruffly in her ear and she shivered and nodded absently, delirious with his words. His long fingers, calloused from hard work and the bow string, tugged aside her panties and brushed against her folds gently. She was breathing raggedly now as she pressed against his hand and he began strumming against her as if she were the bow he knew so well. When two of his fingers slipped inside her easily he rubbed against her and sighed.  
“Yeah, I think you’re ready.” He said pushing his fingers deeper and the tightness Silver felt was only an afterthought.  
“Yes.” She said dumbly and he tugged on her panties, pulling them down her legs and tossing them away. Now when Silver pulled on his pants, he let her. She slipped her fingers under the band and tugged down and was a little surprised he had nothing underneath. She supposed it would be weird for a man to sleep in underwear and pants.  
She felt the hardness of his erection before she had the nerve to look down at it. It pressed insistently against her thighs, slightly damp and hot against her bare skin. She looked down and tentatively brought a hand down to stroke the length of it. Clint hissed as he kicked the rest of the way out of his pants, his stomach rolling in and out. He pulled away from her to grab a condom from the pile he assembled. She watched curiously as he lay back against her pillows and ripped open the foil packet and rolled the condom over his length, stroking himself a few times before turning back to Silver.  
Her chest was rising and falling quickly as he parted her thighs and settled himself between them, crooking her knees back so that his pelvis was cradled against hers. She took a moment to revel in the feel of him so close to her, so warm and familiar.  
“It’ll hurt I think. I’ve never been with a virgin, but you can take it. You’re nice and wet.” He told her and she nodded in understanding as he reached between their bodies and guided his length to where it needed to be. She felt the tip against her entrance, pressing just inside and her heart beat in triple time. He thrust forward without preamble and Silver gasped at the queer sensation. It hurt a little, but she’d certainly felt worse and this pain was so fleeting, it hardly registered.   
“Okay?” Clint said, voice strained and Silver nodded and clenched experimentally around him and he moaned against her neck and nibbled the flesh there before moving inside her. His pacing was slow for her benefit, she could tell it took great restraint for him not to pound into her. She dragged her hands across his back, the muscles there taut and hard with tension. His laboriously slow pace was maddening, Silver began to lift her hips up to meet him as sweat began to coat their bodies and the burn in her gut intensified.   
“Clint, I need more. I need you to go faster.” She told him and he immediately picked up the pace, but kept a gentle rhythm.  
“Harder, you can go harder. I won’t break.” She said to him and her words surprised her and seemed to turn him on further. He thrust into her forcefully this time and Silver cried out, the roughness of it delicious.   
“Silver! Shit, I’m almost there.” He said suddenly, voice panicked and he slowed.  
“Keep going. Please, it feels good.” She gasped, willing him not to stop, not when she was so close herself. He gritted his teeth and continued his rough pace and Silver felt a sudden burst of intense pleasure, white hot shocks rocking her as her body gave her no warning when it shot her into an orgasm that shook her from head to toe.  
It felt nothing like the times she had managed to orgasm on her own.  
“Clint, oh!” She said with a moan as stars danced across her vision and she clenched around him tightly. His thrusts became suddenly erratic as his hips slammed forward and he cried out her name over and over again as he came forcefully. His face contorted in what looked like pain until the jerking in his body stilled and his face relaxed. He leaned down breathlessly and kissed Silver tenderly, his sweat soaked brow pressing against hers. He carefully pulled himself out of her and rolled to his side to dispose of the condom. Silver lay back, feeling like she was boneless but satisfied.  
“Oh man Clint. We are so doing that again.” Silver said when she could speak again, and he laughed chokingly.  
“I may need a minute, my heart is close to exploding from my chest.” He said breathlessly and Silver laughed this time.  
“Too bad you don’t have two hearts! Then we could do this all night!” Silver joked and Clint gave her a sidelong scowl.  
“I’ll be ready soon enough. I may need some water though.” He said and Silver flopped from bed ungracefully and snatched Clint’s shirt from the floor and pulled it over her head and looked around for her shorts that had migrated to the other side of the room and wiggle them up her legs and headed for the door.  
“Where are you going?” Clint asked lazily, his eyes sleepy.  
“Get some water and maybe a sandwich, want anything.” She asked and he shook his head.  
“Just water, I’m dozing off here.” He said.  
“Is that you trying to get out of round two?” She said turning back to the door and he laughed.  
“You just give me a shove when it’s time for round two.” He said and Silver rolled her eyes and climbed the steps up to the kitchen. She hadn’t realized that Chuck would still be up, the man sat drinking a cup of hot tea, reading a book. The kitchen was warm and smelled like something was baking.  
“Hey kiddo. You guys still up?” He said not looking up from his book. Silver cracked open the fridge and grabbed two water bottles then rummaged for something to eat.  
“I am, jerk-face in there will probably be sleeping when I get back down there.” Silver said jokingly.  
“I heard you guys arguing earlier. Everything cool now?” He asked and she sat one of the water bottles down and took a drink from the other.  
“Yeah we’re okay.” She said softer than she meant to, a lazy smile tracing her lips. They were more than fine in her opinion.   
“So it seems.” Chuck said looking up at her and taking in her appearance. Her hair was probably everywhere, and she was in Clint’s shirt, but that wasn’t what gave him pause. When he glanced down at her shorts and shook his head wearily, she looked down too. Her sleep shorts that she had pulled on hastily, were backwards. She blushed and turned back to the fridge.  
“I guess I was right about trying to keep you two separate for the night. Knew that kid wasn’t going to be able to keep his hands to himself.” Chuck mused and Silver shook her head and closed the fridge.  
“It wasn’t him, it was me. Trust me, Clint took some convincing.” Silver said and Chuck chuckled.  
“Oh I am sure a twenty-one year old guy needed to be coaxed into sleeping with you!” Chuck laughed now and Silver wished she wasn’t so honest sometimes. She really should be keeping some of this to herself. Clint was not going to thank her for sharing.  
“He did! That’s why we were arguing.” Silver said and Chuck shook his head as if to tell her to shut up.  
“Well whatever the case, I hope you two were careful. Can’t say I appreciate my kid sharing a bed with someone she’s sleeping with, but I guess you are too old for me to try and scold.” Chuck said and she gave him a weak smile.  
“What are you still doing awake anyway?” Silver asked, drinking down the last of her water.   
“I’m making your birthday cake right now. When it’s done, I’ll head to bed and just frost it in the morning before I open the diner.” Chuck said and she frowned.  
“You didn’t have to stay up late and bake for me! You could have just got me a cheap cake from the store and I’d have been happy!” Silver said and Chuck scrunched up his face.  
“I would never make you eat one of those monstrosities, not when you could be having my famous triple chocolate cake!” Chuck said easily. Silver smiled, but hated to see him tired because of her.  
“I’ll wake up early and help you open okay?” She said and he shook his head.   
“I’ll be fine, you go ahead and spend the day with your buddy, preferable outside of your bedroom alright?” He said and Silver laughed guiltily.  
“Okay. I’ll show him the sights!” Silver said.  
“I think you already did.” Chuck joked.  
“Chuck!” Silver scolded, shoving the man playfully.  
“Bad joke? Well, there is some left over pot roast in that container in the fridge if you want a sandwich.” Chuck said as his oven timer beeped.   
“Oh yay! I was looking for something to eat.” Silver said happily and went in search of the pot roast. She made an extra sandwich in case Clint changed his mind and wanted something to eat, if not she could always eat it. Chuck sat the cake pans on the stove top to cool and sighed.  
“Whelp! That’s it for tonight. Get some sleep kid. See you tomorrow.” Chuck said and Silver danced over to him and kissed his cheek before he could protest.  
“Love you, you grumpy old man.” Silver said and he shook his head but she could see he was pleased.  
“You too you, you little pain in the ass.” He said and disappeared down the hall to his room.  
Silver juggled the sandwich plates and a few extra bottles of water as she headed back down to her room, carefully edging down the steps least she fall.  
Clint’s head was resting back against the pillows and his eyes were closed as Silver set down the plate quietly, but dropped the water bottles and startled Clint awake.  
“Sorry, I was trying to be quiet, but I got butterfingers.” Silver said as Clint blinked rapidly, trying to clear away his fatigue.  
“S’okay. Whatcha got there kid?” He asks sitting up and the sheet covering him falling to his lap.  
“Pot roast sandwiches. Want one?” She asks taking a bite as she sinks into the bed at his feet.  
“Give it here.” He says eagerly and Silver passes him the plate. It seemed the twenty minutes of sleep he’d had energized him. He took a great bite of the sandwich, trying to fit as much as he could in his mouth and chewed happily. Silver scooped up the fallen water bottles and handed him one and he took it gratefully. After he’d had a drink he cleared his throat.  
“Chuck’s got some serious skills in the kitchen.” Clint said taking another bite.  
“Yeah, he was up baking me a birthday cake. I told him we’re going to see the sights tomorrow.” Silver said and Clint looked her over and shook his head.  
“He saw you like this? Your shorts are backwards and you’re wearing my shirt. He has to know what we were doing now! He’s going to kick my ass.” Clint said with a choked laugh.  
“He’s okay with it, don’t worry.” Silver said and Clint’s eyes widened.  
“You told him? What is wrong with you?” He asked aghast.  
“Well no, he figured it out though. You know I’m a bad liar!” Silver said defensively.  
“Yes you are. Guess I am just going to have to punish you for that.” Clint said and pulled Silver to him, so she was splayed awkwardly across his body.  
“I’m going to crush you Barton!” She said with a giggle as the empty plates clattered to the floor and his hand found her butt and gave a firm squeeze.  
“I can take it.” He said before smacking her butt loudly.  
“Ow hey!” She said shocked but was thrilled by the sensation that tingled through her body, and found herself writhing against him.  
“Thought you would like that, didn’t peg you for a rough and tumble kind of girl, but I guess I should be used to you surprising me.” Clint said rolling her to her back and supporting his weight with one arm so that he was pressing down on her with his lower half.   
“What’s that mean?” She asked curiously looking up at him. She brought her hands up and felt the short strands against her fingers. She didn’t fail to note that he was hard again, the only barrier between them the sheet slipping from around him.  
“It means you like your sex to be a little faster, a little rougher.” He said easily and leaned down and inhaled her scent, just behind her ear.  
“How do you know that? We’ve only done it once.” She said and he pinched her nipple hard through her shirt and she squirmed against him in appreciation.  
“That’s how.” He said and he was tangling his fingers in the fabric of his shirt, trying to pull it over her head. She lifted her arms and he pulled it the rest of the way off.  
“Do you prefer something else?” She asked embarrassed that she had a preference already, and wondering if Clint didn’t share the preference.  
“I’ve only ever been with dominate women, so rough is usually the way of it. But I do think I like not being the one in control.” Clint said tugging down her backwards shorts now that she was free of the shirt.  
“What if I want to take control?” Silver said playfully as she pushed him back and lifted herself on her elbows. He collapsed against her feet so that they were looking at each other from across the bed. His chest rose and fell and she tugged the sheet from away from his tangled limbs.  
“Then take control.” He said in a low voice, his pupils dilated and hazy. She crawled back over to him and threw her leg over his hip and straddled him like a cowgirl and he grinned as he tried to rise up to kiss her and she roughly shoved him back down.  
“Stay down.” She said in a low voice and he nodded and relaxed into the pillows. He was hard between her thighs, pressing insistently against the mound of her pubis as she stretched out on top of him.  
“This how you going to do it?” He asks as she holds him down in a sort of reversed missionary position  
“Why? Does it bother you?” Silver said as she reached between them and grasped his erection lightly. He surged up at her touch and shook his head.  
“Good.” She said tremulously as she fit him against her and slowly sank down onto his length. He let out a pained groan and she rested her lips against his throat as she adjusted to the new deeper penetration.   
“Wow, that’s different.” She said taking in a deep breath. It wasn’t pain exactly, but it was weird feeling. She scrunched up her face as she lifted her hips and sunk down again trying to get used to the full feeling.   
“You okay?” Clint managed to gasp when she sank down again. His eyes were clouded with lust but she knew he would stop if she said so.  
“Yeah, I just feel really full. Like you’re in my stomach!” Silver joked and Clint frowned.  
“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt.” She assured him and placed her arms bracing beneath his armpits as she began rolling her hips against him in a way that made her want to scream out.  
“Oh sweet Jesus, that’s good.” Clint mumbled, not at all fazed about her basically making love to him. She moved slowly, an agonizing pace for her but she loved the burning delirious pleasure it brought. He brought his hands to her back and smoothed up and down sending tingles through her body. She kept up the slow pace for as long as she could, her face inches from Clint’s as she worked herself against him. Her thighs began to tremble with the strain of holding back and finally she quickened her movements until Clint was bucking and panting below her in a frenzy, mumbling ‘Shit, shit, shit’ Over and over again.  
“Come on Clint.” She whispered to him and it sent him over the edge, his hips shooting up to pump into her and felt the coiling sensation build like fire quickly inside her, it was fast and before Clint came down from his orgasm, she was coming hard, grinding her pelvis against him as he continued to pulse beneath her. She gave a series of small gasps as she felt the small shock wave continue through her body, making her stomach tighten and her inner walls grip him tightly inside her.  
“Oh shit! Shit Silver!” Clint said when she finally collapsed on top of him.  
“Am I crushing you? Sorry!” She said and carefully lifted herself off his softening cock to roll away from him.  
“It’s not that. Silver, we didn’t use a condom.” He said and Silver felt her already racing heart double in pace. He covered his face with his hand in frustration and she shook her head to herself as she lay beside him.  
“You don’t have any diseases do you?” Silver asked suddenly worried. Who knows how many of those carnie whores he had bedded, that had to be what made him look like he was going to be sick.  
“Of course not! Christ Silver, you could get pregnant!” He said angrily and she cowed down against her pillow feeling embarrassed that she hadn’t thought of the main reason condoms were used.  
“Oh.” She said dumbly and buried her face in the pillow, afraid to look at him when he sounded so angry at her.  
“Hey kid I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. It’s just…can you imagine us with a fucking baby?” Clint said softly and Silver suddenly could, someday. She could see him holding a chubby little bald thing, laughing as it slobbered all over him.   
“No.” She lied and pressed her face deeper into the pillow so she wouldn’t cry.  
“It’ll be okay. I’ll take care of it in the morning.” Clint said and pulled her into his arms apologetically. Silver didn’t think too long on his words as she slipped into a worried and fretful sleep. She knew he was right, she was stupid to have forgotten the condom and her having a baby was not an option they could entertain right now. Maybe never, maybe Clint simply didn’t want to have kids with her. When she woke in the morning Clint wasn’t beside her.   
She sat up and tried to shake the sleep from her eyes as she looked around her darkening room for him to no avail. She rose and noticed that the pile of condoms on her nightstand had been replaced by a small pharmacy bag. Inside she found an emergency contraceptive box, which she opened immediately to reveal a single pill. Clint must have got up early to get her the pill before Chuck could catch him. Silver reached for the water bottle she left on the stand last night and popped the pill out of it foil shell and swallowed it down with a bitter feeling in her stomach.   
Deciding to shower before she headed upstairs, Silver examined herself in the mirror. She tried to discern a difference in herself. She was no longer a virgin, she should look different right? She couldn’t see a change.   
In the kitchen she found a note from Chuck telling her to lock up if she left, he was at the diner. Clint was nowhere to be found and Silver concluded that he must be at the diner too. She grabbed an apple and locked up the house and made the thirty second walk to the diner.  
Chuck greeted her from the kitchen when she walked in and went about refilling the coffee mugs of the half-dozen or so patrons currently enjoying breakfast. She took a seat at the counter and craned her neck around looking for Clint.  
“Hey kiddo. Sleep in today? You’re usually up earlier than me.” He said with a knowing smile.  
“I’m allowed to sleep in every once in a while.” She grumbled and he poured her a mug of coffee even though she never finished a cup and she added more sugar and cream than coffee.  
“Sorry Clint had to go so soon, but I let him know he was welcome back anytime, even if he did break the unspoken rule.” Chuck said and Silver gently lowered her spoon to the saucer and blinked in confusion.  
“When did he leave?” She asked trying to sound casual about it.  
“Few minutes after the place opened, offered him breakfast but he said he had to get the car back to his friend as soon as he could. Guess it’ll just be you and I for cake tonight.” Chuck said squeezing her shoulder before he went to finish his rounds of coffee refills. Silver sat and stirred her coffee until it was cool enough to drink and willed herself not to cry, not to show emotion, least Chuck know that she had no idea Clint had left her without saying goodbye.  
She finished her coffee and put aside thoughts of Clint which turned out to be easy as the morning got progressively busier as the breakfast rush was in full swing. She darted back and forth refilling coffees and taking orders, trying not to drop the trays of food as she raced them out to customers.  
“Slow it down there kid, customers can wait the extra twenty seconds.” He said with a laugh at her fast pace approach. She usually did her work quickly but today, to try and distract herself from Clint’s unexpected departure, she threw herself head first into her work. When lunch had come and gone and she had finished clearing the dining room and the dishes, she sat at a booth that faced the window and wondered what she had done to make Clint leave without saying goodbye.  
“You okay there kiddo?” Chuck says and sits across from her sliding a piece of pie towards her. She is never one to refuse sweets and Chuck’s strawberry-rhubarb pie is the best pie she’s ever had, so she digs in and shrugs.  
It’s a whole month later before she hears from Clint again. He calls her from a payphone somewhere in Texas and she feels her heart leap with joy. She is so afraid her best friend is mad at her that she tries to fill every second with talking, even if it is nonsense and he doesn’t fail to notice.  
“Silver-star, slow down okay?” He says and she lets out a breath loudly and he laughs.  
“I’m sorry I left like that…I guess I just got freaked out.” He admits and she nods like he can see her.  
“It’s okay. God knows you didn’t need a baby or anything trapping you to me for life. As it is you can’t get rid of me and we’re just best friends.” She says jokingly.  
“Right. Yeah, well I am sorry but I gotta go. Got work to do.” He says gruffly and she knows he is shutting her up, but she can’t understand why. She should be mad, not him.  
“Okay Barton. Love you, keep in touch.” She says dumbly and he mumbles alright and hangs up. She gets her period the next day and cries for no reason. She knew she wasn’t pregnant, that Plan B pill took care of that chance but it still stings her for some reason. She messed up somehow with Clint, she did something wrong and she can’t seem to grasp exactly what. As she sits alone in her room later that night, she decides that a little jump is worth the risk. It would only be a month back and she knows nothing will get messed up because she can’t make it worse than she feels right now with Clint giving up on her.   
It comes to her so easily, the feeling she needs right before she jumps. She dresses in the same thing she wore that night to sleep in, except she wears her shorts properly this time and her hair is tamed into a bun. She takes a shallow breath and allows her head to spin a bit before she concentrates on the exact moment she wants to return to. She blinks dizzily as she grasps the walls of the stairwell for support. She is on the last step heading to the kitchen.   
“Hey kiddo. You guys still up?” Chuck asks and she smiles at him and decides this time around she will keep her and Clint’s business to herself.  
“Nah, just me. Got hungry.” She lies as she opens the fridge and pulls out the leftover pot roast and some water bottles.  
“I’m off to bed in few myself. Just waiting for your cake to finish baking. I’ll frost it in the morning before I open the diner.” He says easily and Silver smiles at him. It always amazes her how the smallest change in conversation will prompt change or sometimes keep things the same.  
“You’re too sweet Chuck, you know that? But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Silver says and Chuck shyly smiles.  
“You better not.” He says and the timer rings just as he heads to the oven. The chocolate cake smells delicious and Silver is glad she will get to enjoy it with Clint this time around, last time she was so depressed she hardly tasted it as she shoved bite after bite into her mouth so Chuck wouldn’t be disappointed.  
“Alright kiddo, I’m turning in. You try not to pick any more fights with that boy got it?” He says and Silver blushes and nods. Silver eats her sandwich silently in the kitchen and drinks down her bottle of water and grabs another before heading back down stairs as silently as she can. Clint is still sleeping peacefully and she slips beside him, clicking off the lamp and snuggling close to him before falling asleep herself.


End file.
